PARASITIC RELATIONSHIPS: ARE YOU IN ONE?

I'll see you later in the day, i'm getting married now

Parasitic Relationship: Are you in one?

Relationships are meant to be mutual. The ideal relationship should benefit both parties involved in one way or the other, while some relationships are consensual  where only one party benefits and the other party is neither benefiting or losing, there are the parasitic relationships in which one party is benefitting at the expense of the other. Science tells us a lot about parasites and if we dare to look closely at a lot of relationships we would see  clearly defined traits in some parties  synonymous to parasites.

First science tells us there are two kinds of parasites, the macro parasites . Macro parasites live  different stages of their lives in different hosts. They come in, suck the host dry then move unto another stage of their life in another host who can support that next life stage. The same applies to some parasitic relationships , a party sees all the benefits they can derive from another party and then cozen them into a relationship. A typical example of this is recent case of an African Young Man that went out with a girl that paid his fees with the hope of getting married to him only to leave her after he graduated , a similar case is that of a  guy that goes out with a girl in school, so that he can get a place to keep his stuff and also get  free homemade food and immediately breaks off the relationship when he is out of school , to date another chick who can put a good word for him in the company she works.

Another kind of parasites are the micro parasites which can be transferred from one host to another through all forms of contact. The same applies to individuals who move from person to person within a short span of time hoping to get a better benefit than they are already getting from their present relationship. 

Parasites get into parasitic relationships with the hope of getting love, affection, attention, companionship, material things, money, social and economic benefits and career development without bringing anything to the relationship table and would only remain in that relationship as long as they continually receive those benefits or don’t find any better option that offers those same benefits. They may also leave the relationship as soon as they are no longer in need of the  benefits they were in the relationship for .

RELATED POST: SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP | WHY CHEATERS CHEAT

How do you know you are in a parasitic relationship?

Pin pointing a parasitic relationship requires the individual involved to first come to the knowledge and understanding of themselves, their goals, their dreams and wishes in life. If at any point in the relationship you feel you have to let go of your goals, your dreams in life in favour of the other person’s  goals and dreams then you are in a parasitic relationship. Worse still, is if you have to hang in your boots and divert all your energy into the other parties goals and wishes .

In a relationship, both parties are supposed to meet halfway over almost everything and anything, but if in a relationship, you discover that one party is only in it for the benefits that  they can get and is in most cases useless to the other party then that is a parasitic relationship. To bring it home, Lola says she realized she was in a parasitic relationship when she took a break from herself to analyse her relationship critically. She was providing her boyfriend shelter, love, care, affection, basic needs, cleaning his clothes and keeping his stuff and he was doing nothing for her. He couldn't even help run errands, fix things in the house they were both living in and couldn't even stick up for her in times when she needed him, like when she was sick and he was out all day, probably to avoid her. Most relationships out there today are basically parasitic . The disadvantage of being in a parasitic relationship is that it always ends with the parasitic partner leaving the host devoid of love , trust and self esteem. If you are in a relationship, list out all the benefits, you feel the other party is getting from being with you, and then list out all the benefits you are getting from the other party, if the ratio of benefits don’t fall among 30:70, 40:60……..70:30

You can use a black board instead of a paper

then you are in a parasitic relationship.  When such is discovered you should go ahead and communicate your findings to your partner  or eventually end the relationship  if no adjustment is made or in some cases improve on your weakness by finding new ways of affecting your partner positively if you are  the parasitic one.


Experts say the parasitic nature of humans can in fact be  traced down to their upbringing.They claim Individuals who grew up without any family responsibilities or parental supervision and direction may develop into  immature adults ,  never gaining a conscious awareness and understanding  of the needs of others. This also applies to individuals that had to live in a home or with a family where they were seen as an incidental member of the family  where the individual's individuality was dismissed . This environmental behavior promotes a lack of empathy in the adult and they may believe that people are sources of resources from which they are supposed to get from  rather than emotional beings that deserve time, love and support.

The parasite usually  evolves overtime to be an expert at using people around them, and then discarding them when they're usefulness has been depleted. Many people often hold on to parasitic relationships with the hope  of a future benefit  like marriage, future gratitude and homage. Most times these expectations fall short, because a parasite thinks only about himself or herself. When parasitic relationships are to be broken off, the parasite often times would go into survival mode cussing, and threatening with anger and betrayal if they don't  continue to get their benefits but in such situations you have to stand your ground and do not be moved. Parasitic relationships are not worth it , get out of it while you can.

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MALE GENITAL: ODOR ELIMINATION

MALE GENITAL  ODOR ELIMINATION.

 Male genital odor is a plague to everyone and it builds up to become completely unbearable as men grow older. Male genital odor  can pose adverse effects to one's self esteem as well as being a  complete turn off to one's partner.

Well, it’s simply a combination of sweat, bacteria, shed skin and water that hides  between the thighs just below the scrotum and smells like rotten fish.It can also be due to a substance called SMEGMA produced from the minute microscopic protrusions of the mucosal surface of the foreskin whose function ironically is to clean the male organ but immediately smells like a  pack of decaying fish once it is not thoroughly cleaned off daily. 

Penis smell after masturbation might also occur if a bath is not taken immediately  after the act  or semen is not cleaned off with a toilet paper . This is because pre-ejaculate might contain sugars and the bacteria on the skin would break down the sugar to produce fowl smelling substances.Until the sugars are completely broken down, penis smell would  abound. Using saliva as a lube for sex would also lead to male genital odor.  

RELATED:     MALE GENITAL ODOR DUE TO ANTIPERSPIRANTS

Male genital odor is one of the major turn offs on the male body, the others being body odor and mouth odor. There is much awareness and precautions for both the body and mouth odors but very little is said or known about the male genital odor. 
Because the scrotum has very sensitive skin and can't withstand  the type of alcohol or chemicals mostly contained in antiperspirants, deodorants , perfumes and even toothpastes, there are very few  good  products available in the market for keeping male genital odor at bay and most of them are usually very few in stock. 

Shove your hand in your junk area (this should only be tried at home or bathroom). Smell your finger, does it stink? Does it choke you? Does it make you wanna puke? If your answer is yes, then you just performed the ultimate test for male genital odor and you have a stinking dick

RELATED POST: FEMALE GENITAL ODOR ELIMINATION |MALE GENITAL ODOR PRODUCTS

How do you  eliminate male genital odor ?

1. Take your bath twice everyday and also after a strenuous activity like soccer, exercise etc paying attention to your inner thighs, your armpits, behind the knees and the back of the ear-all enclosed areas. If you have foreskin, pull it back and wash the penis carefully as well. The choice of soaps to be used is also very important. Organic soaps that contain no harsh chemicals like sodium laurel should be used to wash the male genitals. Male Genital wash might come in handy here. You can also soak the genitals ( or whole body) in a mixture of a cup of water,  half cup of white vinegar and salt( preferably epsom salt) for about 10 minutes once or twice a week.

You can take your bath anyway

2. Clean in between your legs and under the scrotum till it is completely dry after taking a bath. Most men when cleaning up after bathing, do not pay attention to cleaning down there, till it is dry. Any moisture still remaining there would eventually settle there and mix with dead skin and skin excretes and smell. Clean the scrotum till it is  dry and give about 5 minutes space before putting on your briefs or boxers. You can also clean the genitals with Apple Cider Vinegar, after you have first tried it on your arm to see that it doesn't burn.If you find yourself in a position where you can not quickly take a bath, use Dude Wipes (UK Dude Wipes)  for those areas around the male genitals.

RELATED POST: MALE GENITAL ODOR DURING WINTER | MALE GENITAL ODOUR DUE TO YEAST INFECTION

Clean this areas between the thighs

3. Shave. It is very important to shave down there, the hair down there would always act like a sponge holding moisture and eventually lead to a pungent smell. It is mostly advisable to use a Mild Hair removal cream as against blades which might result in razor bumps or use a Bikini Trimmer or a Body Hair Management System . The most important hair to eradicate is the one in between the thighs and the one in between the butt cheeks. The hair below the abdomen can just be trimmed.

I would just shave my whole body instead

4. Cleaning the anal region after defecating is also very important. It is advisable to use soap and water as against tissue papers alone. Fecal matter still lying around the anus would get stuck  in the hairs around that region  and produce a very unpleasant smell. Experts have advised that the best way to take a dump, is to sit on the toilet with your legs placed on a foot stool, that way your thighs make an acute angle with your chest and your colon has more allowance to push out waste matter in the rectum.  This is a modification of the ancient squatting technique still very much practiced in the middle east. 

5. Use dusting powders or baby powder to prevent friction, bruises, bacteria and smell to the areas in between the thighs just below the scrotum, it is the same treatment mothers use for babies. Having male genital odor eliminated sends a subliminal message to your brain that boasts your confidence and  increases your self esteem. You can also use the acclaimed fresh ball lotion  and Diem Duroil to relieve the wetness of sweaty and sticky balls.

6. Going commando (free balling) when you sleep is advisable, wear something airy and let your balls breathe at night . Get rid of that fishy smell, the male genital odor. Going commando, experts say would reduce your chances of getting urinary tract infection as this would reduce chances of bacteria growth on both female and male genitals which could make it's way into the urethra and cause bladder infection.Never wear your underwear twice without washing, that's 7 underwears a week. That's not too much.

Oh please! at least use a coverlet 

7. Male genital products might be necessary, if you still have smelly balls after putting all the above instructions to practice,male genital wash should be used.
Male Genital wash such as DIEM DUROIL,  BOND GINSENG CARE MEN's INTIMATE WASH     can be used to wash the genitals instead of toilet soaps. You might also want to try this  New Korean Product. Men's Genital Area Cleaner . These Products are made specially for the male genital skin and do not contain soap that can lead to skin irritation or bruising. Using such Products would come in handy and helpful. However if smell still persists, then a doctor has to be consulted.Now say goodbye to smelly genitals.

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PERMISSIBLE NOT BENEFICIAL

Now, a lot of things are permissible but not beneficial. As far as the law is concerned, depending on where you live or what you do, most of these things are relatively permissible in the most liberal of all countries and even practiced in those overly restrictive and conservative countries. These things are not only not beneficial to youth development or fulfillment of life but in most cases are detrimental to life.

1. Recreational Drugs:

Drugs are bad

 With the exception of tea, coffee, caffeine which surprisingly also fall under the broad term of recreational drugs, mind altering substances come with no benefit. Actually, it comes with a pseudo benefit, mind altering. There are reported cases of  persons being at their peak performance when drugs like cocaine, marijuana and ethanol(alcohol) have been ingested. This  cannot be disputed, as the mind altering ability of these drugs enable the  consumer to harness the fruits of his mind. The down turn of this , is when you have to use an external  catalyst to conquer your mind that would eventually make you addicted, destroy your health and put your reputation in question, then it is not worth. It is actually the lazy way out and it always comes back to bite. To harness the  fruits of your mind, clear your head, take a warm bath, listen to jazz music, eat fish, drink milk, meditate and take a quick nap. They would in the long run help you learn mind control, save you from depression, give you a good health and make you look younger than your age. 

                               Addiction and Recovery For Dummies

2. Home Wrecking:

 This is one thing that is quite permissible in some parts of the world but not beneficial in anyway. Home Wrecking is when a  married/unmarried  person goes ahead to have a relationship with a married person with the intention of breaking up the marriage. In African countries, it is common practice for single ladies to go out with married men for cash, companionship and some other privileges  This never became so poignant as when a single Nigerian  actress advised single ladies via media to go after married man if that is what they want. It sucks to be the other woman and it  always will. Worst still, to be regarded as a mistake , a home wrecker. As men grow older, they eventually come to the realization of the mistakes they had made in their youth and often times they make restitution. And these restitution mostly doesn't favour the mistress. Let marriage be the deal breaker in any relationship for you.

The lady is a self acclaimed husband snatcher, unfortunately
she is late now.

3. Promiscuity:

 In some parts of the world, middle east to be precise, drastic laws are in place against promiscuity mostly appearing misogynistic .It appears so because the major culprits of promiscuity is the male gender but most of those laws seem targeted mainly towards women. It got so bad recently in Pakistan that a girl was sentenced to jail after she was supposedly raped. The downside of promiscuity is that it becomes really difficult to settle down with one, when stability is seriously needed. It is totally permissible in most parts of the world but not beneficial. 

Evidence?

4. Impulse Eating:

For Food only

 Humans live for their bellies. We  need to stop emotional eating. You need to start eating to stay alive and healthy and not eating to rid you of a particular emotion or fill you with another. Impulse eating would only make you obese, unhealthy and take you to an early grave. You should instead take water as an oral fixation, you can never go wrong with that.
        
                  Life Extension Natural Appetite Control, Softgels, 90-Count

5. Cultism: 

there are two kinds of cultism, there is the one common among youths in high school, tertiary institutions, societies and  communities. These kinds have no immediate or long time benefit, except for what they call protection ,which is in most cases just a way of terrorizing others to validate themselves. These are the types involved in hazing, ragging, jack rolling, initiations and lots of unethical practices. It never ends well, it always leads to loss of life and destiny. The other type is the high profile cult in high places of government and leadership, this cults seem to guarantee power and prosperity but they are all served on a plate reeking of bloodshed, ruthlessness and evil, which eventually ruins the soul .Join a book club, a progressive group, a youth group, something that would edify you without paying a price as  high  as  your soul.

6. Pornography: 

This is one of the most permissible but highly unbeneficial  issue in the world. Most people confuse pornography with sex manuals and guides. They get stuck in the lies that it presents based on imaginary fantasies. You can never  learn to be a good companion from pornography except you are preparing to be a porn star or marry one. The acts are completely devoid of true feelings and the original beauty of sex, worst still, it reduces the female gender mostly to a sex object who is just supposed to act out some kinky script.


Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame

7. Malice:

Malice eats your soul

 Malice is totally permissible all over the world, but not beneficial. It is a negative energy harbouring in your entity and it would only wear out your bones. Similar to this is revenge. The negative energy they generate reduces the positive and useful energy  you need to get on with your life and make yourself  somebody. Malice is the desire to cause pain , injury or hurt to another.

8. Bigotry: 

This is mostly as a result of difference in religion.A lot of people in the world have come to the knowledge of a greater power  which is the source of life as we know it and reference it. This has somehow paved way for man-made religion, which is often times laced with hypocrisy and deception. As a result of this, hatred and intolerance has been sown in the hearts of men who have ignorantly forsaken their faith and have taken up religion as a vindication for themselves. Bigotry has the same effect as malice and revenge , it destroys the soul and eventually deprives you  of what you wanted in the first place,  a soul communion with God.

9. Impression Management: 

Most corporate companies actually have departments who are in charge of impression management. This is basically not only bothering yourself about what others think about you but in most cases going all the way to determine what they think about you. The truth about this, is that it always fails all the time even for corporate bodies. The best rule of impression management is being yourself and constantly improving yourself  and maintaining a state of influence and empowerment.  That way, you rub on the people around you the right way and they see you as real, not a propaganda or a bloody commercial.

10. Foul language:

 The use of foul language for emphasis or to express anger, intolerance or disgust  is not beneficial.   It is considered  to be lazy speech and causes the user to appear uneducated. Use of foul or obscene language at inappropriate times or places can taint your reputation, cost you friendships, or even ruin your chance at advancement in a career. It might also be considered disrespectful and you may actually be seen as having very low moral standards which may hinder your advancement. There are a lot more of these permissible habits , altitudes and personalities which overall has no remarkable benefit but mostly get you in harm’s way

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JOB OFFER: QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Job offers can be very exciting when they are received especially after a long time of waiting for one or searching for one. The joy usually overshadows reason and curiosity most of the time until way later into the job.  There are a lot of questions to ask when you receive a job offer. Questions to ask yourself, the employer and someone who might be able to dish out advise on certain issues pertaining to a specific industry. The most important of all these questions are the ones you should ask yourself after a job offer.

First you have to know who you are " who are you?". This is the biggest question that  anyone could ever ask oneself. In answering this question, most people make the mistake of talking about what they have or what they hope to possess but  shy away from the real answer to the question, which is asking about that entity that is you. The question can be rephrased into “ what is you?” . This is what you have to first figure out. What are you gravitating towards, what is your whole existence all about? Then you can look at a job offer and ask the right questions because in the long run contrary to what people say, your job is who you are. That is why when people die, their obituary in the news reads, village chief dies at 50, veteran actor slumps to his death, bus conductor yells to death etc…….

Now, jobs are of two types.

1.       The jobs that help you earn a living

2.       The jobs that help you make your life.


   Salary or benefit isn't a criteria for this two groupings, contrary to what you may be thinking. 

    The jobs that help you earn a living are those jobs that don’t conform to the person who you are-your entity but are needed at some time in your life to help you pay the bills, get  some comfort , get ahead in life, keep the body and soul together or afford you the resources with which you can use in preparing yourself for your life goal. 

    The jobs that help you make a life are those jobs that are a big fraction of your entity, they make your life, they make you, they  fulfill your destiny , the job is you.

Armed with this knowledge, you would have to group your job offer into one of these two jobs. Unfortunately most people mix up working for a living with working for a life. A lot of people spend their whole lives working for a living, and then someday get fired, retrenched or retired and then they ask themselves, what next?

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FOR A LIVING.

1.       What  is the job offering?

Give me the money, i need to go to Mars

The real essence of this job is the benefits that it comes with , with which you hope to redirect your life. This job is to present you with the empowerment with which to build up your destiny.  It could be a job that doesn’t require much skill or expertise .It could also be a very high paying job which although is high paying brings no fulfillment in the long run. So what exactly is the job offer? The salary, health insurance, vacation, illness bonuses, growth, travel allowances, job security. Can all the job is offering get you by.

2.       For how long?

How long can you work there, how long would the job need you and how long would you need the job. For example, the ultimate job of a person might be writing, script writing, novel writing, blogging or academic writing and would probably need  3 years to get out his first work or something meaningful for that matter and so if such a person picks up a job as a customer service personnel in an I.T firm, he has to be able to keep that job at least for about 3 ½  years while still creating time to fulfill his ultimate job which is writing. Taking a year contract job might cause a disrupt in the creative process of  writing for the writer. If he has to be jobless after one year with bills to pay and all, it would definitely affect the person. How long would the job be available? Some times,some jobs might also come with bonds that tie down the person even when he is ready to leave. You have to make sure all these things align.

3.       When is take off time?

This is always much more fun 

Mixed with Good Advertisement and Marketing

Than this

When would you tell the organization to take the job and shove it figuratively and what are the policies and protocols involved in leaving the company. If you are working for a living, you have to have a take off time or you would eventually be taken down.

RELATED POST: I JUST GOT FIRED

4.       How convenient is the job?

How compatible with your life is the job? Does it create time for you to pursue your ultimate goal or would it sap you off of all energy that might eventually kill your dream and stall your goals while you are stuck on the job. Any job that you are doing for a living that would totally prevent you from ever doing the job you want to do for a life should be immediately dropped, no matter how much it is paying or it’s benefits. It would be very difficult to do this, if the job in question pays so much and you are used to all the comfort it brings, so this question is very important to ask yourself when it counts-During the time of the job offer. Convenience is a major criteria in a job you are doing for a living, the location of the place and how far it is from home, the working hours and special assignments and all.

If only i had not allowed that peanut at the end of the  week
get me stuck, i would be a famous author by now.

FOR A LIFE

One major test of knowing whether a job is your life, is if you can still go ahead and do that same job even if you weren’t paid for it. This kind of job fills you with much more energy even after you have spent hours on it. Some people are pushed into this jobs unconsciously by fate while some are not usually that lucky. A typical example is the case of a school teacher who taught for several years in middle school/high school/ secondary school while developing her culinary skills, she started small but never had the guts to branch out until she was eventually fired. She now runs a food chain which  has recorded remarkable success. All the while, the catering business was just on the side, she catered for the school’s get together and birthday parties for the school students until the school downsized. Some times these jobs might initially not pay the bills or even be worth talking about but the joy and fulfillment that comes with them are priceless. At times, a person may have to work  certain jobs because of the effect they would eventually have upon the person’s life goals.

1.    What is the job description?

Some times you make have to work as a makeshift table
when there is a furniture overhaul.

What exactly would you be doing and how would it affect you in the near future , how would it align to your life goals. Which duties would you be allowed to handle yourself without supervision.

2.    What are the opportunities available for development?

Are there sufficient trainings? Career development and exposure to catapult you to your goals.

3.    Who are the kind of people you would be working with? Are they people that help and support you as you gravitate towards your life goal. What kind of temperament do people who work there have?

Whenever you get a job offer, the questions to ask yourself are countless, but the right answers to these questions would let you know if you should accept a job offer or reject it as soon as possible.

If these are the people you work with, you are either on a reality show
or on a photo shoot for shutter stock

Further Reading:The Fit Factors: The keys to choosing the right job and building a great career.

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GETTING OVER RAPE

GETTING OVER RAPE

One of the worst things to ever happen to anyone is to be raped. It is rated so, because of all other things such as death of a loved one, accident and failure, it is one of the  few that is really very  difficult to get over. Rape victims are left emotionally and psychologically damaged,  months and indeed years after being physically assaulted.

Rape is an experience that should be missed in a lifetime but as we have come to know, more and more people are falling victim of rape .From lucretia a noblewoman in the ancient roman kingdom who committed suicide after she was raped to tamar in the bible who was raped by her own brother to thousands of young girls in South Africa, Sweden , United states , Congo etc. Rape is as old as time. The most common is male to female rape accounting for about 91% of reported cases, this is followed by male-male rape. A very small fraction accounts for female -male rape and the least common is the female -female rape. If you have ever been raped, here are specific steps to take  in getting over rape , in order  to get your life back. The most detailed  and encompassing definition so far is that given by the FBI of the united states which describes rape as  "The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim."

DURING THE RAPE:

1.Keep Calm: Once there is a penetration and you are obviously too powerless to stop the rapist, then stay calm to minimize your injuries, to minimize the pleasure of the rapist and to calculate.While you should not let a rapist ever get the chance to have a penetration, if such eventually happens, continuously struggling would increase your danger of being hit, or mutilated  In staying calm you might be able to reach out for a plank just waiting there for you to use in knocking the rapist out.

2.Leave a mark: Once penetration has occurred  you have been violated and justice must run it's full course, go ahead and leave a bite mark, a nose scratch, pull out some hair strands. Do this gently without giving the rapist the notion that you are resisting them. This would come in handy as a proof to nail the rapist someday.

3. Wail: Once you have been penetrated, don't let yourself run out of breath, you may seem quiet at first then wail and scream at intervals, interval screams have more effect in alerting attention than a continuous cry which  blends with all the environmental noises and becomes indistinguishable to the listener who is within the range of the rape.

AFTER THE RAPE: This is usually at the time when the rapist has climaxed or tires from the assault.

1. Run: Most of the time, there is a switch of emotions after an assault has taken place. Sometimes the rapist might realize the evil deed and then beg but in some cases, the rapist becomes way more aggressive. The aggression might be as a result of the disappointment in the pleasure expected from the act ,it might also be a form of self hate in which the rapist then blames the victim for their wrongdoing and most often than not, it is to cover up evidence. You have to run,because the worst might not be over. Some rapist have gone ahead to harm the victim with the intention of killing , just to  eradicate all forms of evidence that may be traced back to them.

2.See a doctor: A qualified doctor may be able to get samples to be used as evidence and also help with some contraceptives and antibiotics  Conceiving from a rape or contracting a venereal disease is the last thing any female  victim would want . Why most people advise to wash yourself off immediately, medical practitioners advise you see them first , without eating, drinking, washing, douching or even taking off the clothes in which you were raped . But in cases where there are no doctors to turn to ,  the levonorgestrel pills 1.5 mg, 1g of azithromycin against chlamydia, 400 mg Suprax against gonorrhea, and metronidazole 500 mg twice daily for seven days against trichomoniasis  should be used. You can show this to a pharmacist.

3. Realize the fact that it is not your fault: No matter what any one says to you , you were inappropriately dressed, you shouldn't have been drinking,etc. It is not your fault, there is no excuse good enough to rape another. No excuse at all. You have to constantly tell yourself this, because there are times you would feel like  things could have been different but it hasn't and there  is no use crying over split milk.

4. Plan for Healing: You have to understand that you have been violated and there is bound to be bouts of depression, anger , disgust, shame and pain. take each day at a time and let yourself heal, cry if you want to,but don't self destruct. It is not worth dying for. See it this way, your hurt would only empower the rapist. See it that you have to live, choose life. choose a brighter future. Live for yourself,don't die for the rapist.

5.Find someone to talk to: This is very important. If you are opportuned to speak with a counselor then do, if not speak with a friend , or a confidant.Do not speak to someone who may not believe you or broadcast your stories in a way you wouldn't like. If you have no one else to talk to , talk to elijahforce,send a mail, invite for a chat. Don't keep quiet. Talk

6. Write: if talking to someone about it is difficult then just write, write down your feelings and your determination to heal. Writing would help you release the pain.

7. Learn to protect yourself: Don't just think the deed is done, there are instances of repeat rapes , you have to learn to protect yourself from them. Especially if the rapist is someone who knows you and may be planning a come back. The chances of repeat rapes are about 25%, and if the first rape  hurt you , the 2nd time would totally tear you apart, rob you of all self esteem and self worth.

8. Heal: Start doing things you love again, don't live your life in pain and shame. The major way of doing this, is forgiving the rapist from your heart. This way your hurt reduces and the venom is released. Forgiving the rapist doesn't mean you should not report such person so that they can get the help that they need  or be punished duly for their terrible act.but forgiving is ensuring that the venom is out of you and your life is starts again.

9. Get even: This is a very controversial point. But in some cases it is advisable. The instances of rape would reduce if potential rapist knew that at least 4 in 5 of rape victims would strive back at a later time. it is often advised in environments and communities where rape is swept under the carpet. Getting even might be wrong and two wrongs never make a right. Also the chances of getting killed after being molested may increase if rapist knew most victims would strive back at a later date.

What ever you do, don't let an incidence in your past rob you of the great future ahead of you. Oprah Winfrey was raped at the age of 9, if she had given up on her life then, she would not be the success story that she is now. Heal, it's the best thing that can happen to you.

 Don't get yourself involved in binge drinking, drugs or become promiscuous because of this incidence, dust yourself up and begin a new day.

RELATED POST: LETTER TO MY RAPIST

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LETTER TO MY RAPIST

LETTER TO MY RAPIST.

z

Hello, I bet you don’t even remember me now or recollect what you did to me around the ages of 7 to 13. You were supposed to be my guide leading me in the way to grow but instead you  were my pain all through my childhood years, my ever present pain. I remember  the first night as clear as day, when you came into my room that night and suddenly started caressing me. I immediately awoke but I was too scared to say anything, too young to understand , too weak to fight, too naive  As you slide your fingers into my underpants and broke my innocence, I guessed you had all the pleasure you wanted but if you noticed, the tears flowed freely from my eyes that night. I cried for the life I had lost,  I cried for the pain you have caused,, I cried for the hate that you have inflicted in me, I cried for myself.

I know I couldn't tell anyone, no one would believe, you  were the best of them all, you were religious, friendly, kind and humorous, I was the only one who knew the truth. I thought you would stop but you didn't , you proceeded to violating me anally. I now know , you did that so I would not get pregnant. I think it was better to get hit by a truck on the highway than having you rape me through my back door. It hurt constantly, I dreaded going to the bathroom, to reduce my frequency, I started eating less, my grades started deteriorating , my friends felt neglected, everything was on a downward spiral and yet you were my protector, my guardian and I wasn't safe in my own home. Eventually  some one in school noticed, and the issue was brought up, I was eventually forced to confess  , it felt like a release but it was ephemeral. I instead got a backlash at home for denting the name of the family, for getting myself in harm’s way, I was stupid enough to believe that it was all  my fault and I felt the right punishment for me was death. I tried to kill myself several times, I cut my wrist, ate rodent poison, took an overdose of drugs, jumped out of a moving car, spent months in plaster of Paris cast. I was then sent away to boarding school and was tagged as a special needs student, it felt good to be away from you. To see the world again, to be able to laugh when things were funny and to smile when people said hello.

Then there was you, my sweet little honey pie,  you said the right things, gave me the kind of attention , I never had, told me I was beautiful and we spent time developing our common interests. For those  three months in fall season (October, November,December)I was a queen. I guessed you were talking to the wrong guys, being influenced by the wrong friends, because all of a sudden you wanted me to repay your kindness. I couldn’t even think of any one touching me in that way,but you persisted, you eventually lured me to your place during the holidays and forced yourself on me. You pushed yourself inside me so hard, it hurt so bad, it was those horrible nights at home all over again, you knew you had killed me because I was wailing so bad with deep groaning that you started consoling me. The mixture of blood and semen on my legs were like poison  eating into my flesh. I severed any connection between you and I and dove back into my self-harming ways. For years afterwards, It felt like you left yourself inside me, I lived everyday like something was still inside me, something foreign , something strange, when I heard about AIDS, I told myself well, that was it, I could feel it inside me, so I got myself tested just to confirm what I already thought I knew. It wasn't AIDS, I wasn't sick. Nothing.

Today I am better, it took a long road to get here, the help of God, a counselor and some really true friends,  I had  to find inner peace and let go of the hurt , pain and shame, I had to forgive and let go of the insecurity. I have a job now, I am drug free and in a beautiful relationship. I walk around with my head high, expecting great things in the new day.


 But to you filling yourself with the thought of taking advantage of me, I don’t know you now but I think it would be better for you to let it stay that way for ever, because this is a new day and I might have to read this letter at your funeral.

                                         Rape Victim's Story



RELATED POST: HOW TO PREVENT RAPE

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HOW TO PREVENT RAPE

Rape is one of the social vices that we have to deal with today. It is not in any way new but lately it has been on the rise. The victims of rape being mostly teenage girls, closely followed by young adults and then children. Rape has varied reactions across different countries and the causes of rape has been constantly argued, postulated and updated. In the United States, where the recorded cases of rape are the highest, rape has been attributed to drugs, alcohol consumption, over exposure to pornography and sexually explicit materials, the act of masochism, sexual exposure and pop culture. While in a country like South Africa which also ranks high in reported cases vis a vis unreported cases, rape  or jack rolling (gang rape ) has been attributed to societal beliefs,  recreational  amusements, peer pressure, poor law enforcement and punishments for culprits and a watered down legal definition of rape in Sweden. In the Democratic Republic of Congo, it is used as a weapon of war, to psychologically damage and pique unworthiness and self loathe. Societal and religious pressures has been cited as the major case in India, where pre-marital sex is frowned upon. Whatever the case, a victim would most likely not be concerned about the cause of a potential rape but would be more concerned about how to protect one’s self from it and how to come up out of it.

Nevertheless, it is pertinent to note that they are three kinds of rapist. The anger rapist, who wants to inflict pain, cause harm and punish the victim using rape. 

The power rapist who derives a kind of self validation similar to bullies in rape, he sees the oppression and control of the victim as a kind of reassurance of dominion , strength, vigour, mastery and authority and then the sadist rapist, who has been wired mostly by pornographic materials, abuse and  other internal influences to derive sexual satisfaction from rape. 

A single person may fall into this three categories at a time, as the rapist might have overlapping interests in rape. In a single act of rape, a rapist might move from one form to the other depending on the prevailing circumstances.

Also the greatest misconception about rape is that they are perpetuated by strangers. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics in the United States, 38% of victims were raped by a friend or acquaintance, 28% by "an intimate" i.e a lover  and 7% by another relative, and 26% were committed by a stranger to the victim. About four out of ten rape incidences take place at the victim's own home.

 Now the main question is how do you prevent yourself from being a victim of a rapist.

1.       Mind Work. 

      You have to condition your mind to not be a victim. If the above write up scared the hell out of you or you live in an environment where you have been filled with the fear of rape. There is a high unstatistically proven chance that you would fall a victim. It just works like that, the things we fear are constantly in a state of strong attraction to us. You are not supposed to be in fear because of your knowledge, your knowledge is supposed to equip you , giving you a better chance of avoiding the incidence.

If I am about to be raped, my bangs
would turn into needles and i would simply whip my
hair back and forth and pierce
the rapist

2.       Setting boundaries: 

      Boundaries are to be set with the opposite sex and even same sex.  Discussions on explicit sexual topics might send the wrong signals to potential rapist. Undue flirtatiousness might also not be taken casually but might be seen as a chance to take advantage. Knowing that 40% of  rape cases are perpetuated in the victim’s home by people close to the victim, it is not advisable to be alone even in your home. A dog comes in handy here.

Good luck keeping this kind of pets, they don't even bark, they meow

3.       Awareness: 

     You have to be alert all times, don’t get distracted by technology such as iPods  or phones. Distracted people are more often more likely to be taken advantage of than people who are seemly alert, walking along with confidence. When entering your house, room , be sure to ensure that no one is trailing you, as you can easily be pushed into your own room, or house and be raped. Make eye contacts with people who you believe are breaking into your personal space or are too close for comfort.

This is not going to get you  raped , it is going to get you killed.

4.       Understand the Environment: 

      The causes of rape vary from one environment to another, same as the manner of rape. Understanding  the prevailing reasons and methods of sexual abuse would go a long way in protecting yourself in that environment. In areas where gang rape carried out by teenage boys are common , being alone or being lured by boys to meet with others should be greatly avoided, avoiding foot paths where such boys are more likely to operate would also be  advisable. The cause and method of rape is peculiar to each environment, understanding this would go a long way in protecting one self from rape.  For example there is a belief common in South Africa that sexual intercourse with a virgin will cure a man of HIV or AIDS, this automatically puts a young girl at risk in an environment where such fallacies are believed.

5.       Trusting your gut instincts: 

I must not be left alone
with this guy

      We all have an inner voice and instinct that tells us someone is lying or something is about to go wrong. Don’t ignore it, once it comes , get out of that area or space immediately until the gut instincts subsides. It is better for it to be a false alarm than for you to regret not doing anything about it.

  6.       Dressing: 

The way and manner of one’s dressing might also make one susceptible to rape more often than none. Even when you are in your own home, wearing loose ,skin exposing materials might not go down well with the sexually, uncontrollable potential rapist living in the same house with you. Going out to deliver the trash with an overly exposed Pajamas might also be asking for trouble. Overly sexual outfits are usually worn by celebrities who have guards and entourage as against a single female. Dressing goes a long way in  exposing you to rape. Another very crucial thing to note about dressing is to wear clothes that are very difficult to loosen, it is better to wear something that would not be easily taken off by an attacker.

OMG!

7.       Online hook ups:

     This has led to the death of teen girls in recent times, the growing use of social media for hooking up and meeting has also increased the danger of rape, assault and abuse. It is 10 times easier for someone you met online to take advantage, as the fear of being caught , traced or punished is greatly reduced. Keep in mind that everything you read or are told about an online personality is unverifiable.

He is neither even black, nor wears blue shirts or any shirts
at all , he has a shovel though.

8    8.       Being vigilant at parties: 

Now that is not aspirin.

     If you are the type that attend late night parties,  or any party where heavy drinking goes on, you should be sure to go with someone who would not be a fish like you or control your urges to gulp down enough alcohol to inhibit your senses and make you foolish. Alcohol is one of those things in life that is highly permissible after the attaining the age of eighteen but not beneficial. Most importantly you have to be avoid leaving your drinks unguarded as that might result in you being drugged or date raped. Drinking alcohol increases your chances of being raped. A study once revealed that in 47% of rapes, both the victim and the perpetrator had been drinking. In 17%, only the perpetrator had been. 7% of the time, only the victim had been drinking. Rapes where neither the victim nor the perpetrator had been drinking were 29% of all rapes .Once you discover that you are losing touch of reality and conscious while drinking , call someone who can help you quick or you would be gone.

9.       Fight for live:  

Okay this would only turn him on

     If you find yourself in a situation where you are about to be raped, fight for your live, bite, scream , throw things, fight back. Don’t be overpowered, it’s your life, fight for it.When  a rapist puts his hands up to you, grab the first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible till the fingers snap or the attacker falls on his knees.The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON'T DO THIS! The rapist will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS, LEAVE. If the attacker gets into the car with you and orders you to drive off, go ahead and drive into a tree or telephone pole, the rapist would surely flee after that.
                
                       
                           RELATED POST: LETTER TO MY RAPIST | GETTING OVER RAPE
\

      10.   Playing along:

A guy tried to rape me once, he didn't even make it
to court.

      If  you find yourself in a situation where you are about to be raped, it is often advised to yell and scream. That might alert people but in some cases, it is better to act like you are playing along, act helpless and mask your fear. The rapist expects you to scream and fight back and chances are that he would be prepared for that, he might even hurt you in trying to calm you down, also if he is a sadist rapist, the screams would also help in arousing him and motivating him to get what he wants. In this case playing  along would calm them down and in most cases serve as a disappointment. When they are calm , then you act. You can never go wrong with vital organs,  the balls, the reproductive organ, eyes, nose. Aim to knock out the attacker, not to defend yourself. Get out of self defense, move into the realm of attack. Don’t hit once and run, because you would be chased and if you are caught the second time, it might be fatal. Instead let the attacker run away from you, while you leave physical assault evidences on them for future identification. Anything with you can be a weapon, a pen, a blade, a shoe, if it is well used. You have to be in a right state of mind here, devoid of all fear and seize your life back.One woman once used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her, she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands ,the guy needed stitches. 

1    11.   Scouts: 

      Joining a scouts or alert group might also be helpful against rape, where you carry a whistle and other objects for defense against a rapist.

Omg! he is so hot! (blows whistle)..... sorry false alarm.

      12.   Rape Aggressive Defense:  

Don't stop till a bone snaps

     There are a lot of RAD coaching for youths out there, all you need to do is find one, if you live in a country where there is none, you can always go on YouTube and acquaint yourself of how to protect yourself from rape. Here is one.

and here is  another RAD description which can be adopted by youth groups 

    13.   Mind dribble:

   This method involves telling the rapist that you either  have a deadly disease like AIDS, have a demonic oppression transmittable by sex, that you are pregnant or are not a virgin in cases where people believe that virgins cure AIDS for example. The rapist may not believe but most times they withdraw to be on the safe side. Whatever you say, it must be believable 

1   14. Rape Axe:  

      Desperate times calls for desperate measures and so civilization has finally caught up with rapist, as a woman in South Africa, a country with one of the highest rape statistics in the world has designed a device known as a Rape Axe. This device that looks just like a condom has internal spikes that would attach to the flesh of the rapist and can only be removed surgically. Talk about remarkable evidence. It goes further to say on the site that if men can use their bodies as a weapon of attack , it is time for women to do the same. This instrument however only tackles male- female rape , but it is still a remarkable development as male-female rape is the most common.

OMG! only a woman would invent this weapon of mass destruction.

    15. Society Harnessing Equipment (SHE):

         This is yet another Technological invention by some Indian Engineering Undergraduates in India, another high risk state as far as rape is concerned  to prevent Rape. This is though in it's testing stages and critics say it has a lot of pitfalls. This equipment is like a bra worn around the breasts which has pressure sensors which would then release a jolt (3800kV) upon the application of pressure around the breasts. The wearer is however  insulated from the jolts. The design however assumes that the woman would first be groped on her breasts. The source of the Electric shock however is still unclear.

Okay, I Hope they know a shining wire should not be hanging out.

That's 82 Shocks for you ,You little Pervert!

RELATED POSTS: CALLING ALL RAPIST TO INDIA

16. Hairy Stockings.

This Chinese invention would scare the shit out of a potential rapist and immediately quench his libido, except he is a baboon. It's basically transparent stockings with thick dark black and straight Chinese hair sprouting out of it, given the potential rapist the impression that you are an ape yet to attain full evolution to the human specie. Except of course, the rapist has read this blog or seen it in the news or sells it, in that case it might be a turn on, but at least let's give the Chinese the benefit of the doubt. 

On a second thought, this could also be a fetish sex accessory.

 Read: Keep Your College Daughter Safe: Ways College Women can Prevent Sexual Assault

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