Wednesday, 24 April 2013

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loss of a loved one
The loss of a loved one is one of the most painful experiences that anybody can go through. People across the world die every day and we seem to be quite indifferent to such occurrences  We live in a world where it is gradually becoming difficult to process emotions and where the value of a human life seems to be depreciating faster than the Zimbabwean dollar. People die daily in the hospitals, in accidents ,bomb explosions, robberies , shoot outs and what not but someday it eventually comes around and hits home. The loss of a  loved one occurs. Gone! , never to be seen again.


Depending on the conditions surrounding the death, the most common immediate reaction to the news of the death is shock also known as acute stress response, this is especially common when the loved one  was not expected to pass . It mostly comes as a result of the disbelief that death could actually hit home, the psychic re-experiencing of the circumstances leading to the death.This should not be confused with circulatory shock. This is the mind’s and body’s response to instances of intense helplessness.  This should be immediately treated with psycho pharmacological treatment  such as antidepressants and cognitive behavioral therapy which helps to change the  patients  thought pattern.


Depending on the circumstances surrounding the death of the loved one, questions are bound to arise. Why is this happening now? Why didn't I see this coming? How could I have prevented this? Why did God not save the dead? Was there a sign that I neglected? Am I the cause of the death? The questions never seem to end; they will keep pouring in one after the next. Answers never seem to come, resulting in a downward spiral into the pool of grief. Most questions seem to go unanswered or better yet, not appropriately answered. The mind is put on a futile task to find a perfect answer that would make the death of the loved one sensible; a perfect reason that would tie the loose strings, but it most of the time never comes. In answering these arising questions, you always have to understand that life is full of ups and downs and some occurrences just would never make sense.  So when those questions arise, answer with this simple answer, " life sometimes hits you with a brick on the head, you must still never lose faith."


The unanswered questions immediately lead to deep grief , sadness and sorrow. Coming to terms with the reality of things can also be very depressing based on the circumstances surrounding  the death of the loved one. The best way to get over grief is to let the emotions flow freely, let the tears roll, lets the screams and wailing ring in the air,don’t suppress anything. It is a tradition in ancient Africa to beat up women who have been bereaved with the hope of getting them to cry and get relief from grief. Don’t bottle  up your emotions and don’t listen to people telling you not to grief, talk about it, cry about it, sing about it, pray about it, give yourself time, people get over grief at completely different times but whatever you do , you have to let your emotions out to get over grief. During the time of grief, ensure, you still eat and drink lots of water to help the body system stabilize and see a medical doctor for check up.


Depending on the circumstances surrounding the death of the loved one, there are instances where regret and bitterness may envelope the bereaved. After the death of a loved one, there are usually flashbacks on the life of the person and sometimes, the bereaved might recall  certain instances  in which they had premonition of the death of that particular loved one or signs which they seem to have neglected. Regret  might also come from procrastination of intentions relating to the loved one who had passed.  Things you planned to do but never did until the death of the loved one.  In  such situations you simply have to forgive yourself and let go of the hurt.  At times in life, we have premonitions, not to change the situation or prevent the situation from happening but to prepare for it  to happen and there is sometimes nothing we can do to change it.


When a loved one dies and the bereaved seem to have gotten over the shock and grief, they move on to the final most difficult stage which is pain. This mostly happens as a result of the physical, emotional and spiritual void which the loved one filled while they were alive. The thirst for the loved one emotionally, physically and materially often lead to this pain which  differs in duration and magnitude with each person. This period of pain usually occurs when everyone is done sympathizing and empathizing, friends have stopped calling and life has began, it involves the life adjustments the bereaved would have to make to survive without the loved one. In this stage, the only way to heal is to talk about it, tell people, anybody what the loved one would have done if he or she was still alive, that way you move towards closure. Your subconscious begins to learn to eradicate that need for the loved one as it would never be filled again.


When a loved one dies, we have people around coming to console and sympathize with the bereaved. In most cases, they prevent the bereaved from expressing emotions, and grieving , the bereaved in turn tries to come out of the grief and look into the future with teary eyes only to discover the void which the death of the loved one would bring. The responsibilities which the loved one has left behind which seemed to be perfectly suited for the loved one. In such situations, you have to know that tomorrow would take care of itself, everybody would eventually adjust and someday, somehow, life would continue because it already does, it’s already continuing."Death of a loved one at an unexpected time makes you see everything in life so differently. Suddenly most things are just not a big deal."

 loss of a loved one