SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

Words are as strong as the fist.

The statistics of domestic homicide  as a result of being in an abusive relationship has increased in recent years . It has become rampant in celebrities and commoners alike, while celebrity cases graze the pages of newspapers and magazines, others happen and are often swept under the carpet. It is often  impossible to think that , the once passionate and fun filled relationship could turn abusive but the records prove otherwise as 1 in 3 youth  report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner. A lot of victims of abusive relationships however keep this secret from most people until they eventually lose their limbs, their face or their life. Most of them are usually blinded to the screaming signs of abuse in their relationship while others simply ignore it  claiming  " no one is perfect". Abuse in relationships are of diverse kinds, the most indexed is the physical abuse,which involves physically hurting a partner. There are however other forms of abuse in relationships such as sexual abuse, emotional abuse and  verbal abuse.

Sexual abusive relationships are those relationship where a partner is constantly forced to have sexual intercourse against his or her will,or carry out sexual acts that are otherwise considered inappropriate by the partner, a common example of this is forcing a partner to perform oral sex against their will .A recent survey among youths in America showed that 1 in 4  girls who have been in relationships reveal they have been pressured to perform oral sex or engage in intercourse by their partners.

Emotional abusive relationships are the most common but least recognised . It involves relegating the self worth and independence of the victim by his or her partner through diverse ways like isolation and controlling behaviour

Verbal Abusive relationships which is often grouped under emotional abusive relationships but rather has a life of it's own involves yelling, name calling, shaming and blaming especially among friends and relatives. This is usually the initial form of abuse in the relationship before it steps up a notch to emotional , then sexual  and finally physical abuse.

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There are always signs of  potentially abusive relationship but are often ignored or not recognized for what they are. Here are a few of them.

A boy being a product of an abusive relationship.

1.History and  Background : People with abusive family background are more likely to be in abusive relationships than people who  haven't ever experienced abuse.There is a 60% chance that a boy who grew up in a house where his father was always putting his mother down would do the same in the nearest future,and a girl who was always caught in cross fires at a young age is more likely to be involved in an abusive relationship, there is no scientific evidence to back this up other than a noticeable generational pattern in the life of humans.

A partner that has also abused someone in the past is more likely to repeat it with another especially if he got away with the first abuse. No matter how angelic and romantic your partner seems, if he or she abused his or her last partner or ex, then it is just a matter of time before you start experiencing such if the issue is not addressed squarely.

2. Compulsive Love: There are certain subliminal actions taken by lovers that only point to the fact that they need their head checked. Most often times it is regarded as being romantic. A recent case where a man sold his own kidneys to get his girlfriend a diamond wedding ring in Ukraine is nothing short of a compulsive love. This kind of love would eventually lead to being in an abusive relationship. The issue here is , one partner loves another so much to the extent of harming himself or herself, once this gesture is not met with the presumed appropriate appreciation at any point in time in the relationship, it is immediately replaced with self loathe and loathe for the partner and   one who could harm himself would not hesitate to harm another. Being in a  relationship where a partner threatens to commit suicide if dumped is like sitting on gun powder.

NO! " Don't even ask me why.

3.Controlling Behaviour: A relationship where one partner is so insecure, he or she monitors where you go to, limits your friends and family contact, acts excessively jealous and possessive, is an abusive relationship. If at any time you feel you have to walk on egg shells around your partner or being in a constant state of fear of your partner, or unable to call your partner to order if you feel you have been wronged then you are obviously enduring an abusive relationship.

It would be cruel to write a joke here

4. Degrading attitude: If all your partner does is complain about your faults,treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see, make you feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner until you eventually start believing that you deserve to be hurt or abused by your partner, you are  in an abusive relationship.

5. Violent Nature: If your partner has a violent Nature and is prone to fights and tantrums, it may be a sign that you are in an abusive relationship. Most times it starts with others apart from you, road side strangers, office workers, subordinates, colleagues and even family members. You initially see yourself as the exception, the one who supposedly calms them down when the issues arise.As time goes on, you would also be a victim . It usually starts with a slap or a violent kick, then they immediately apologize and make up, only for it to happen again. It is advisable not to turn the other cheek in this situation.

Read:The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go

6. Verbal/Physical Torture: If your partner ever threatens to kill or hurt you and constantly yells at you , forces you to have sex in an unedifying way or goes ahead to blame you for their abusive nature. You have to run out of there while you still can before the cops are called in to identify a dead body.

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Being in an abusive relationship is nothing to be ashamed of, be truthful to yourself and yourself only and take the necessary steps. Here is how to get out of an abusive relationship

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