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The pain caused by infidelity is like the pain you get when you are stabbed by a blunt Knife. The causes of infidelity in a marriage are quite exhaustive ranging from low self esteem, neglect, pervertedness etc. While infidelity is of different forms the generally regarded act of infidelity is sex. The road to recovery is a very long and tortuous one but with determination, courage and perseverance,it can be attained.
Here are a few steps to take after you have discovered any form of infidelity in your marriage
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1.Discovery
When you find out that your partner has been unfaithful, A switch that triggers potent emotions like rage, shock, depression, shame and anger would automatically be turned on. All these emotions would take over in a matter of hours after the confirmation. You would most likely be overwhelmed with the thought of ending the marriage; then, next moment you might become desperate in saving it. At such instance, you need to calm down and take things calmly.You have to first understand that it is not your fault. There is no excuse so great as to make anyone cheat on the vow made before God and Man. You might find yourself in a pool of questions, but answers might not come your way.
2. Space .
It can be an intense circumstance to discover the affair. When emotions are high, it is best that you give each other space or timeout from each other so you can let the fire die down without hurting one another. Especially if children are involved. Children get worried easily and so you wouldn't want to trouble them with this issue.
3.Seek Counsel.
If you have discovered that your partner is unfaithful , you have to tell someone.This is something that you should and need not go through all by yourself. More than ever, it is at this moment when you need to confide and share your thoughts and feelings to a trusted counselor or spiritual leader. Their nonjudgmental and objective insights will help you in clearing your head. You will be able to get your life together , calm down and heal faster to put the affair on the right perspective.
4.Take Time.
You should not be in a hurry to delve into sensitive details of this infidelity. You have to give it time . Time to heal , time to weigh your options , time to make a decision, time to be okay. Discussions should be deferred until both of you can converse positively without prejudice or judgement.
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5.Making Amends
Recovery from an affair is not simple. It is a process that will go on and on until the wounds have healed and the final shards of pain has been eliminated . To help you in the process of healing, you must take the necessary steps.
6.Taking Responsibility.
If you were the one who cheated, you have to take the responsibility for the wrong actions you have done. Taking responsibility is understanding that you have faltered and there is no excuse, it is not about pushing or passing the blame or trying to vindicate yourself while in harms' way. You must end the affair; stopping any interaction and communication with the third party involved.
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7. Honesty.
When you have recovered from the initial shock then you can deal with the problem at hand with a positive attitude; discuss and talk about what took place. You should be honest and open and true to yourself even if it is very difficult to talk or to listen because of the intense pain.
8.Losing to Win.
Saving the marriage after acts of infidelity is something that both parties need to agree upon without compromise and set deal breakers. It is not right or wise that you are the only one who wants the marriage to continue while your spouse actually wants out. If things are going this way, then the marriage is good as ended. The recovery and settlement of things may take long. Nonetheless, if you share a common goal of reconciliation, you can both give your utmost commitment, energy and time to help each other heal.READ:After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful,.
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