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| I am writing my project and watching porn on the side. |
These days due to technology advancement and easy accessibility, more and more men are addicted to porn. Porn though unproductive is very addictive and being addicted to porn is no different from being addicted to heroine.One of the tasks a man or accountability partner to someone who is addicted to pornography is to help them understand their own heart.
Why do they run to porn again and again?
READ: HOW PORNOGRAPHY HIJACKS THE MALE BRAIN.
The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water” (we often can’t see our own motivations), “but a man of understanding will draw it out”. A Man needs help to draw out the deeper motivations they are unable or unwilling to see in themselves.
It is important to understand the allure of pornography: What is the inner attractions that make men like porn and coming back to it again and again? What are good accountability questions we can ask to get to the root of the problem?
1. Porn is easy, but relationships are hard.
Relationships, especially our closest relationships, involve work.
Every day we are required to care what’s going on in others’ lives. We must put up with sour moods, offensive behavior and selfishness—both in ourselves and in others.
In contrast, porn offers men a feeling of risk-free intimacy.
Pornography offers men a fantasy world where they are required to know nobody, require no romance and no self-sacrifice for the benefit of others. And for many men the payoff is great: not only can they avoid the messiness of real relationships, they can also feel the delight of a million virtual women catering to their every whim thereby making them addicted to porn.
Has there been a relationship in your life recently that has been unusually difficult? This may be one of the reasons you are one of the men watching porn excessively.
2. Porn is comfortable, but life is stressful.
In life things go wrong. Expectations are frustrated. People let us down. Tragedies happen. We get sick. We get tired. We get into sharp disagreements. Life is stressful.
Pornography, by contrast, offers a very comfortable world where nothing goes wrong. Porn offers a ready-made setting where we know we will get exactly what we want . The porn industry a multi billion dollar industry thrives on this fact . It aims to get people especially men addicted to porn.
Of course, we know it’s fake. It’s like professional wrestling or “reality” TV. As Chris Hedges says in his book Empire of Illusion, the success of these forms of entertainment lies not in fooling the men watching porn that these stories are real. “Rather, it succeeds because these men watching porn ask to be fooled. They happily pay for the chance to suspend reality.” The constant need to suspend reality makes a lot of men addicted to porn.
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3. Porn is “exciting”, but life is “boring”.
The word “boredom” first started being used by French authors when they wrote about that feeling of discontentment when life gets tedious.
While the feeling of boredom has probably always been around, it is only in the last 300 years we have seen it become a social epidemic. Blaise Pascal said boredom is the plight of a modern man when “he lacks distraction and has no absorbing passion or pastime.”
Boredom is one of the fruit of a leisure culture. As wealth and free time increase, so does our hunger for distraction. The hunger for distraction in men is one of the reasons men like porn.
As we come to expect constant stimulation and excitement, the day-to-day can seem dull by comparison. With Google at our fingertips, information is everywhere, but we easily become detached, anonymous spectators, rarely taking risks of vulnerable involvement or passionate commitment—rarely acting on what we know.
Culturally we are guilty of what Dorothy Sayers calls the sin of tolerance, “the sin that believes in nothing, cares for nothing, seeks to know nothing, interferes with nothing, enjoys nothing, hates nothing, finds purpose in nothing, lives for nothing and remains alive because there is nothing for which it will die.”
Pornography offers a world of sexual excitement to the bored minds of men who like porn. Porn is a highly sexualized form of the image-based culture in which we live, a world where billions of pictures are painting a thousand words at break-neck speeds. Porn offers a fantasy of pure sexual stimulation, a fantasy that leaves it’s victims addicted to porn.
Have you found yourself bored or itching for excitement? Do you feel like your life is mundane? That may be the reason you are addicted to porn, your life sucks! Get up out of your seat and set your world in motion.
4. Pornography makes men feel “powerful”, but real life makes them feel powerless.
It is easy to feel small in the world. We intuitively know the world does not revolve around us, but this doesn’t stop us from wishing it did. We want others to pay attention to us, to treat us as important, to put us first. This desire can be so strong at times we can actually begin to feel entitled to it: We want a little corner of the world where we are kings.
Pornography offers men a deluge of power. In a man’s porn-fed fantasy, the girls never say no. In pornography there are no social barriers between a man and the woman of his dreams that is why men like porn. Pornography sells the idea that beautiful women are trophies—collectibles that show the watching world what a real man really is. Pornography also sexualizes male dominance, allowing men to fantasize about a world where women enjoy being treated as objects. “Have you been in any situations recently that made you feel belittled, unimportant, or disrespected? this could be the reason you are addicted to porn.
Get up and take charge of your life.
