WHY MEN ARE ADDICTED TO PORN

I am writing my project and watching porn on the side.

These days due to technology advancement and easy accessibility, more and more men are addicted to porn. Porn though unproductive is very addictive and being addicted to porn is no different from being addicted to heroine.One of the tasks a man  or accountability partner to someone who is addicted to pornography is to help them understand their own heart.

Why do they run to porn again and again?

READ: HOW PORNOGRAPHY HIJACKS THE MALE BRAIN.



 The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water” (we often can’t see our own motivations), “but a man of understanding will draw it out”. A  Man needs help to draw out the deeper motivations they are unable or unwilling to see in themselves.

It is important to understand the allure of pornography: What is the inner attractions that make men like porn and coming back to it again and again? What are good accountability questions we can ask to get to the root of the problem?

1. Porn is easy, but relationships are hard.

Relationships, especially our closest relationships, involve work.

Every day we are required to care what’s going on in others’ lives. We must put up with sour moods, offensive behavior and selfishness—both in ourselves and in others.

In contrast, porn offers men a feeling of risk-free intimacy.

Pornography offers men a fantasy world where they are required to know nobody, require no romance and no self-sacrifice for the benefit of others. And for many men the payoff is great: not only can they avoid the messiness of real relationships, they can also feel the delight of a million virtual women catering to their every whim thereby making them addicted to porn.

 Has there been a relationship in your life recently that has been unusually difficult? This may be one of the reasons you are one of the men watching porn excessively.

2. Porn is comfortable, but life is stressful.

In life things go wrong. Expectations are frustrated. People let us down. Tragedies happen. We get sick. We get tired. We get into sharp disagreements. Life is stressful.

Pornography, by contrast, offers a very comfortable world where nothing goes wrong. Porn offers a ready-made setting where we know we will get exactly what we want . The porn industry a multi billion dollar industry thrives on this fact . It aims to get people especially men addicted to porn.

Of course, we know it’s fake. It’s like professional wrestling or “reality” TV. As Chris Hedges says in his book Empire of Illusion, the success of these forms of entertainment lies not in fooling the men watching porn that these stories are real. “Rather, it succeeds because these men watching porn ask to be fooled. They happily pay for the chance to suspend reality.” The constant need to suspend reality makes a lot of men addicted to porn.

RELATED POSTS: ADDICTED TO PORN AND LOVING IT | PORN STAR FINDS GOD

3. Porn is “exciting”, but life is “boring”.

The word “boredom” first started being used by French authors when they wrote about that feeling of discontentment when life gets tedious.

While the feeling of boredom has probably always been around, it is only in the last 300 years we have seen it become a social epidemic. Blaise Pascal said boredom is the plight of a modern man when “he lacks distraction and has no absorbing passion or pastime.”

Boredom is one of the fruit of a leisure culture. As wealth and free time increase, so does our hunger for distraction. The hunger for distraction  in men is one of the reasons men like porn.

As we come to expect constant stimulation and excitement, the day-to-day can seem dull by comparison. With Google at our fingertips, information is everywhere, but we easily become detached, anonymous spectators, rarely taking risks of vulnerable involvement or passionate commitment—rarely acting on what we know.

Culturally we are guilty of what Dorothy Sayers calls the sin of tolerance, “the sin that believes in nothing, cares for nothing, seeks to know nothing, interferes with nothing, enjoys nothing, hates nothing, finds purpose in nothing, lives for nothing and remains alive because there is nothing for which it will die.”

Pornography offers a world of sexual excitement to the bored minds of men who like porn. Porn is a highly sexualized form of the image-based culture in which we live, a world where billions of pictures are painting a thousand words at break-neck speeds. Porn offers a fantasy of pure sexual stimulation, a fantasy that leaves it’s victims addicted to porn.

 Have you found yourself bored or itching for excitement? Do you feel like your life is mundane? That may be the reason you are addicted to porn, your life sucks! Get up out of your seat and set your world in motion.

4. Pornography makes men feel “powerful”, but real life makes them feel powerless.

It is easy to feel small in the world. We intuitively know the world does not revolve around us, but this doesn’t stop us from wishing it did. We want others to pay attention to us, to treat us as important, to put us first. This desire can be so strong at times we can actually begin to feel entitled to it: We want a little corner of the world where we are kings.

Pornography offers men a deluge of power. In a man’s porn-fed fantasy, the girls never say no. In pornography there are no social barriers between a man and the woman of his dreams that is why men like porn. Pornography sells the idea that beautiful women are trophies—collectibles that show the watching world what a real man really is. Pornography also sexualizes male dominance, allowing men to fantasize about a world where women enjoy being treated as objects. “Have you been in any situations recently that made you feel belittled, unimportant, or disrespected? this could be the reason you are addicted to porn.

Get up and take charge of your life.

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HOW TO HANDLE INFIDELITY AND ADULTERY IN MARRIAGE

infidelity ,adultery in marriage Honey, i see you've met Cassandra
                                                  she is our new sex therapist.

The pain caused by infidelity is like the pain you get when you are stabbed by a blunt Knife. The causes of infidelity in a marriage are quite exhaustive ranging from low self esteem, neglect, pervertedness etc. While infidelity is of different forms the generally regarded act of infidelity is sex. The road to recovery is a very long and tortuous one but with determination, courage and perseverance,it can be attained.
Here are a few steps to take after you have discovered any form of infidelity in your marriage
.

1.Discovery 

When you find out that  your partner has been unfaithful, A switch that triggers potent emotions like rage, shock, depression, shame and anger would automatically be turned on. All these emotions  would take over in a matter of hours after the confirmation. You would most likely be overwhelmed with the thought of ending the marriage; then, next moment you might become desperate in saving it. At such instance, you need to calm down and  take things calmly.You have to first understand that it is not your fault. There is no excuse so great as to make anyone cheat on the vow made before God and Man. You might find yourself in a pool of questions, but answers might not come your way. 

2. Space . 

It can be an intense circumstance to discover the affair. When emotions are high, it is best that you give each other space or  timeout from each other so you can let the fire die down without hurting one another. Especially if children are involved. Children get worried easily and so you wouldn't want to trouble them with this issue. 

3.Seek Counsel. 

If you have discovered that your partner is unfaithful , you have to tell someone.This is something that you should and need not go through all by yourself. More than ever, it is at this moment when you need to confide and share your thoughts and feelings to  a trusted counselor or spiritual leader. Their nonjudgmental and objective insights will help you in clearing your head. You will be able to  get your life together , calm down and heal faster to put the affair on the right perspective. 

4.Take Time.

You should not be in a hurry to delve into sensitive details of this infidelity. You have to give  it time . Time to heal , time to weigh your options , time to make a decision, time to be okay. Discussions should be deferred until both of you can  converse positively without prejudice or judgement.

RELATED POSTS: WRONG REASONS TO GET MARRIED  | WHY CHEATERS CHEAT

5.Making Amends

Recovery from an affair is not simple. It is a process that will go on and on until the wounds have healed and  the final shards of pain has been eliminated . To help you in the process of healing, you must take the necessary steps. 

6.Taking Responsibility.

 If you were the one who cheated, you have to take the responsibility for the wrong actions you have done. Taking responsibility is understanding that you have faltered and there is no excuse, it is not about pushing or passing the blame or trying to vindicate yourself while in harms' way. You must end the  affair; stopping any interaction and communication with the third party involved. 

RELATED POST: SIGNS OF INFIDELITY

7. Honesty. 

When  you have recovered from the initial shock then you can deal with the problem at hand with a positive attitude; discuss and talk about what took place. You should be honest and open and true to yourself even if it is very difficult to talk or to listen because of the intense pain. 

8.Losing to Win.

 Saving the marriage after acts of infidelity is something that both  parties need to agree upon without compromise and set deal breakers. It is not  right or wise that you are the only one who wants the marriage to continue while your spouse actually wants  out. If things are going this way, then the marriage is good as ended. The recovery and settlement of things may take long. Nonetheless, if you share a common goal of reconciliation, you can both give your utmost commitment, energy and time to help each other heal.

READ:After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful,.

RELATED POSTS: GET YOUR EX BACK | HOW TO GET OVER YOUR EX

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8 LADIES TO NEVER MARRY

I should have listened to everyone but myself.

Nowadays, a lot of young men are refusing to get married, they are  simply living the glorified bachelor life and enjoying it. It basically  boils down to the fact that guys are not 100% sure if what they have is  good enough to lock in once and for all. This article helps you with a  list of 8 ladies to never marry, no matter what happens, this girls are not what the marriage institution is all about and they would leave a soar taste of marriage in your mouth.

1.MISS INDEPENDENT:

The only men i need in my life are  my driver,
my plumber and gardener, all other things are
under control.

First, you have to understand that it is not right for a woman to live all her life in dependence, but there are these ladies out there , who have read too many motivational books, attended too many seminars, and seen too many pod casts or being with the wrong kind of men in the past, that they seem to have lost the line between being co-dependent and completely doing everything by yourself in your own way at your own time. It is not only about being independent to men, it is more like being an island. This kind of ladies should  never be married. Luckily for most people, they don't put marriage in their top most agenda.

Marrying such ladies would result in a feeling of redundancy, and that is one of the worst feelings to have in a marriage, because marriage is about coming together to support each other in diverse ways.This also rules out low self esteem women.Move on, never marry that.

2. MISS MATERIALISTIC:

Show me the Money.

 Never marry this lady. She would run you down.Men are naturally impulsive spenders, so women are supposed to help check mate the spending habits of men in most cases. When a woman is completely materialistic and is in it for the money, the man would be forced to go overboard, spending to keep her happy, spending to make the marriage work and then spending even more when the marriage is eventually over, and it would, except the man has the endurance and wisdom which only God bestows.

3. MISS PARANOID:

He is going to break my heart because
my heart is made of glass.

 This kind of lady has for some reasons being made to believe that all men are evil, so please never marry her because that would be a greater evil. She believes that when you are away, you are cheating, when you don't pick your calls , you are messing around and when you are late from work, you stopped over to get a quickie. This should not be confused with intuitiveness, especially when the man in question is not doing anything to build trust in the relationship. This kind of lady drives the man crazy and would eventually push him into the hands of another, or worse still, live a tension filled marriage, void of love and trust.

4. MISS NO FUTURE AMBITION:

When is Real Housewives of Atlanta coming on?

 Never marry a woman who has no clear cut goals in life, no matter how nice she is , if you can help her get it then do that, before you marry her, otherwise never marry. Marriage is about supporting each other, finding your foot in life in all areas of life,when someone in that team has no goals, nothing in sight, then the partner has no job, no function and the team is utterly useless.Marrying a lady with no future ambition is like having a 30 something year old child living and depending on you, that pressure is quite unnecessary.

5.MISS CINDERELLA:

I Just need a little more hair length
and barbie make-up to
get my prince Charming.

This lady is still stuck in the world of fairy tales, love songs and Shakespeare illustrations. Never marry such,except you are a knight in a shining armor and she has the Rapunzel kind of hair. She believes that all her life issues would suddenly be wiped away by a five to six foot guy with two hands and two feet. She believes that he would suddenly whisk her away from reality and begin to live in a 

fantasy.The fact is except you live on an island with a lot of uniformed help and your mansion is painted in all sorts of cartoony colors, you would be a total disappointment to this girl,and when life issues spring up, she would most likely fall into depression. If you are up for the challenge then why not? but if not , never marry this one.

6. MISS LONE RANGER:

I am Waiting for that person who would be bold enough to come and touch me

A lady that has issues with every one in the world and only wants to be with her lover/husband is not worth being in a marriage with. A lady should have friends , but prioritize her husband above all, but when she puts you in a state of " us against the world" you would be eating much more than you can chew, because no single person can tend to all the emotional needs of a spouse.Friends , relatives and family would have to come in once in a while. That would be putting too much pressure on you and she would eventually appear needy and become a nag as the marriage goes.

7.MISS PERVERT: Every Man fantasizes about getting hooked up with a " freak in the sheets" but you have to know where to draw the line.When you have to constantly live up to some kinky fetish desires everyday of  your marriage, then you are probably in bondage.Never marry this lady, she sees no link between love, sex and marriage. The whole marriage would eventually lead to heartbreak, disease, lies and videotapes.

Now people can finally stop looking at
my face and start looking in the
right direction.

I've been told you like clowns....Oh you don't?
.....Okay, i'm going to change to
a stripper.

8. MISS HYPOCRITE: This lady is so concerned about what others think, she is literally" faking it till she makes it" or you can rightly say, she has multiple personality disorder syndrome.She is sheila in the morning, Alicia in the afternoon, Felicia in the evening, and Patricia at night. Yes! she sounds like a super woman, but the only time women should be credited for multitasking is when they are career women, business women, mothers, wives and everything in between. She is the type that marries Dick and messes around with Harry. She loves what she doesn't have and fantasies about what is not hers. If you are into polygamy then you can go for her, because she is 5 ladies in one, and all the while you have dated and courted just one, but she is buy one, get four free. Never Marry this Lady.

Now your search is much more easier, this list rules out 75% of the ladies out there.On the other hand, according to some bimbo  lady, called Christine Meinecke Everybody Marries the Wrong Person


RELATED POSTS: WRONG REASONS TO GET MARRIED | HOW TO GET OVER YOUR EX

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I'M 83 AND I'M TIRED

Bill Cosby "I'm 83 and Tired" I'm 83. Except for brief period in the 50's when I was doing my National Service, I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for some some serious health challenges, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in sick in nearly 40 years. I made a reasonable salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, it looks as though retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired. I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it. I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to. I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to fund mosques and Madrasa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia , New Zealand , UK, America and Canada , while no one from these countries are allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia or any other Arab country to teach love and tolerance.. I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses or stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight it off? I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of all parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor. I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems. I'm also tired and fed up with seeing young men and women in their teens and early 20's be-deck them selves in tattoos and face studs, thereby making themselves unemployable and claiming money from the Government. Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 83.. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter and their children. Thank God I'm on the way out and not on the way in. There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends it on! This is your chance to make a difference. " I'm 83 and I'm tired. If you don't agree you are part of the problem! And finally  I Didn't Ask to Be Born: (But I'm Glad I Was)
.

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HOW I MET MY MOTHER

You will never believe what happened to me yesterday in a shopping mall. I still can't get over it. I went to the super market to pick something to eat and as I was walking down the aisle, I noticed a woman staring . I looked at her and kept walking to the front counter to pick bottled water and Sausage rolls. I picked them and turned to find the same woman right in front of me! I smiled again and said "hi" then I went on to get a can coke. Can you believe that  the same woman followed me through the store? I was getting a little nervous and mad because she was following me without saying anything. But trying to stay friendly" I just said "hi" She finally responded and said, "I am sorry for staring but you look just like my youngest son. We just buried him two weeks ago". I felt stupid for getting mad as I expressed my sincere condolence to her. She said she was fine as she knows that her son is with the lord. Then she asked me for  a favor.  She said she was a bit sad that her son never said goodbye to her before passing . She asked me to get in line behind her, & as she left the store, I should say “goodbye mom," so that she could have a sense of closure. Though this request was weird, I however agreed to grant them. So as she collected her bags from the cashier and walked away, I said “bye mom" she turned and said "bye baby son." when the cashier calculated my stuff, she said the total was 116,750!.I said." what? Can you tell me how a bottle of water,  sausage rolls and  can coke equals 116,750?She said" your mom said you’re paying for her's too". My mom? I shouted. That woman is not my mother!!". I quickly rushed out just in time to see the woman approaching the parking lot. I ran after her and was screaming.” excuse me, excuse me!” She started running towards her car as he saw me coming. I caught up with her just before she was able to close the door. I kept on pulling and pulling her legs!Then I woke up!

 Read Another story

Read: 101 best jokes

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BURNT BRIDGES- The Fired Porn School Teacher Story

Stacie Halas, porn Teacher

Stacie  Halas had woken up early this morning. she was always alert, she maintained a healthy lifestyle, exercised  and was always in high spirits. Apart from the twitching in her left eye probably from gulping down all that green tea, in the last few days, she was good. For the first time in her life , she liked what she saw in the mirror, she was finally getting it together. The more matured look she always wanted. There was more to this look, than time, she wasn't behind on her rent, her flat was clean and tidy, just the way she wanted it and those  humming sounds in the basement was gone. Although she had still not gotten over her ex who left her out and dry things were definitely beginning to look up.

Today was going to be a busy day, there was an assembly at eight, a third period science class and a lesson plan to  submit. Those were basically work overs, just time consuming, she was on top of her job, she was one of the best science teachers in Haydock Intermediate School in Oxnard.

The thought of driving to school again was overwhelming, her car had been repossessed twice and she had had to take the bus. Everything was a blessing, there were lessons she had to learn, she had to finally get her head out of her ass and not expect the world to revolve around her. Now the world was revolving and she had found herself in it's stride.

Assembly was a breeze, the usual casual half hearted greetings among staff members, the principal being an epitome of a logorrhea patient and the obnoxious teens trying to draw attention to themselves. High school is basically the same , the only difference now from when she was a student was now, there were so many more laws and restrictions and the parents are much more involved , even though it hasn't really improved the standard of education, no thanks especially to the "no kids left behind " initiative and the fact that more and more kids want to be pop sensations. They seem to be more interested in the things beyond the class room walls.

RELATED POST: WHY MEN ARE ADDICTED TO PORN | LIES ABOUT SEX

TO BE OR NOT TO BE -ANOTHER FIRED TEACHER

Classroom

Coming to her class, she couldn't have missed the profanity inscribed on her class room window,it was conspicuous and she knew it was done by her students and targeted at her. "someone had seen something", she knew immediately. She knew this day would come but she didn't know it would be this way, standing helpless in front of giggling fourteen year olds, who has violated the age limit for certain videos on the Internet.

Within the next few days things spiralled down, students had reported to their parents, parents had contacted the school, fellow teachers had downloaded profane videos on their smartphones, thousands of distress calls had been received and finally a sack letter was delivered and it read,

" Dear Mrs stacie halas,

Due to the recent discovery that you have once indulged in  pornographic activities which was not disclosed to the school at the time of your employment , it is pertinent to note that your engagement in pornography is incompatible with your responsibilities as a role model for students of this school, To this end, we regret to say that your employment has been terminated with immediate effect. Kindly submit all relevant documents in your possession to the vice principal".

It was  between just 8 months, six years ago at a time where she felt she had no choice, but it had come to hunt her down. she is presently appealing, claiming it was not illegal and it should be a credit to her that she is able to bounce back but she is presently not winning.The decisions we make each day affect our future in ways we might never comprehend.

This is just one in the millions of stories of how former porn stars try to adjust to life after porn ends.

RELATED POST: BURNT BRIDGES-THE OLDEST DIVORCE EVER.

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DRIVERS' LICENSE VS MARRIAGE LICENSE

What is a  marriage license?.

A marriage license is a document issued, either by a church or state authority, authorizing a couple to marry. 

Marriage license

Drivers license

 A driver's license is an official document which states that a person may operate a motorized vehicle, such as a motorcycle, car, truck or a bus, on a public roadway.

Below are 10 differences between the two.

¨ A Driver’s License  is obtained to move any vehicle  for a period of 4 years but a  marriage license  is used to “move” only one  person until death do them part. It is more like having a license to drive only one car, not only does the car belong to you, it also bears you name, while this makes marriage look like a dead end adventure. Marriage is one of the greatest things in life, if done in the right way with God's laid down principles.

¨  A driver’s license expires after 4 years  and most be renewed but a Marriage license lasts for life even after divorce, death is the only thing that do them apart. What is marriage, marriage is a promise and oath made by two willing parties before God to stay with each other, love and nurture each other till death do them part, while some marriages have gone on record for lasting 6 hours to 72 days, it is pertinent to note that even a divorce does not necessary render a marriage license null and void, that is why you should never jump into marriage. 

                   RELATED POSTS: 8 MEN YOU SHOULD NEVER MARRY.

¨ For ladies a marriage license would change your name , group and sometimes even your location, this is not so for a driver’s license.The drivers license would simply help you move yourself from place to place.

¨ A driver’s license is country specific, in some countries, even state or province specific ,  that is license can't be used in another state or country different from the one in which it was issued. but, a marriage license is for all weather, all places , all countries. Well except of course the unnatural kinds of marriages which are being criminalized in some countries or simply not recognized in others. 

¨ A driver’s license  is for one person whose face appear on the card, a marriage license is for two whose faces do not appear on the card but have hundreds of people or  at least one to bear witness to the issuance.

¨ A driver’s license can only be issued to persons above 17, for a marriage license age is just a number whether high or low.Although it is outrightly uncalled for, for a marriage to be conducted between willling or non willing parties under the age of 18. This is not permissible in some countries but a practice in others, ever heard of the word" Child brides"

¨ To obtain a driver’s license, a man or woman is supposed to test drive , though as we have come to know, this is not obtainable in some countries, especially African Countries but for a marriage license “test driving” is a sin in religious circles and is not a guarantee to marriage in secular circles. 

¨ While a driver’s license is a standard form of identification, a marriage license isn’t.

¨ A marriage license is issued after a promise to love, hold and cherish but a driver license is issued even if you are  going to end up bashing your car. There is no promise to protect or care for your car, as long as you have indicated that you understand the laws governing driving in that country. While you could get yourself arrested for disobeying the driving laws , there is no immediate close-up monitoring to ensure that you are fully adhering to the marriage vows that you swore.

¨ With a valid driver’s license, the road safety marshals would leave you alone but even with a marriage license you cannot be guaranteed to be left alone by people who “want to reap where they did not sow”, the unmarried, the greedy and the lustful. Marriage is not a way of getting away from " the chasers". That you have to handle yourself.

MARRIAGE WITHOUT A LICENSE: A Completely Moral Alternative to Civil Marriage

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LIES ABOUT SEX

Lies about sex

  

Lies about sex  
We live in a world of decaying morals and often times people always invent lies to give themselves a little more reason to continue in their perverse ways , here are a few of them;

LIE 1

A young man needs to have experience for him to satisfy his future wife:

This is so false, sexual satisfaction to women is like a  DNA, it is unique to every woman, what is good for one may be bad for another so it is utterly ridiculous for any one to say that, statistics has shown that men who had marital problems relating to sexual issues have had multiple partners when they were unmarried.

RELATED POST: WHY MEN ARE ADDICTED TO PORN

LIE 2
Sex makes love stronger that is why it is called making love:

Truth is sex blocks out love, love grows with time and togetherness  while sex is a physical  ( though having spiritual consequences ) activity, if sex makes love grow    then the commercial sex workers shouldn't have any problem falling in love and getting married, a feeling of intimacy is created by a "chemical cocktail" that is produced in the brain during sex and stays with each person for up to 24 hours after intercourse but vanishes quickly away ,statistics have also shown that only 5% of couples  who had sex before their marriage ended up getting married  while 96% of them later divorced, but 99% of couples who didn't engage in premarital sex stayed married after ten years. Genital sex is an expression of intimacy, not the means to intimacy. True intimacy springs from verbal and emotional communion. True intimacy is built on a commitment to honesty, love and freedom. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate, premarital sex short circuits the emotional bonding process.

LIE 3 :

 Sex is the test of compatibility (test driving):

Lies about sex

Test driving is the result of having multiple partners and it is damaging to a relationship to compare people  to each other based on sex and on what scale or criteria are you going to use in comparing. You are simply going to be comparing the previous sex mate with the next and often times if you find something better, you would immediately believe that there is something even better and there would be no commitment., if you have one wife and don’t engage in premarital sex it would be impossible to compare anyone with another and it would reduce the risk of unfaithfulness in marriage.

Read: Sex Woman First: How to teach him You come first (Guide to Female Orgasm)

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SHORT STORY-WHY I HAVE NO FUTURE AMBITION ( An African Child)

African Village

 Growing up at Aba Nla, a village close to Ibadan, I had two “career paths” on my mind. I wanted to become either a Police officer or a coffin maker. A Police officer, because it was the easiest job to make free money; a Coffin-maker because there will always be a ready market as people will naturally die. After the community  leader, a retired Civil war veteran, the richest man in the community was the DPO Kenneth. By the time I finished JSS 3, my confusion as to which of the professions to take was resolved. Even back in the early 90’s when Road bribery wasn’t done with much chutzpah by our friends in black, getting yourself through the Police College was a very cool idea. The idea of being a Policeman in Nigeria is even more lucrative these days that there’s no limit to how much you can make on the roads. Luckily for you as a Policeman, your customers won’t have required papers before they put their cars on the road. For your customers who have all their papers, they won’t know their rights. The only danger here is possible  armed robbers attack. Luckily for you, when armed robbers are on the prowl, your customers  whom you should protect,  will offer you their own clothes to change into. Even if you refuse, you will be advised to oblige since  your gun-power cannot match the machines  being used by the robbers .This was my mindset until the day some robbers escaped from a bank robbery at Ijebu-Ode. Aba Nla was  to be their exit route but DPO Kenneth, my role model at that time and his boys were radioed from Eleyele Force Headquaters in Ibadan to lay ambush for the robbers. Kenneth and his boys bowed to superior fire-power. Kenneth was shot and he didn’t survive. Then I asked myself, “ what shall it profit a Policeman who “obtained” motorists, made so much money only to be killed in action. I switched to Plan B.  Coffin makers/sellers are business men who are on a class of their own; I wanted to be a distinguished one. The Nigerian businessman who understands the logic of the coffin sellers is Aliko Dangote. Sell to your customers what they can’t do without – Rice, salt, sugar – and you are good. It’s the same thing for the coffin-seller; people live, make money and strive hard only for one thing – to die. A coffin-seller will only be out of business when people stop dying. I have even seen a 60 year old man model  for coffin makers. After I dropped out of Prospect High School, I joined a coffin-maker as an apprentice. Kasali Coffin-makers was the biggest in the whole of Aba Nla. He even had customers as far as Ibadan, Ijebu-Ode, Lagos and Abeokuta. I learnt the trick to Kasali’s success the first week  I joined. There were two apprentices working with him already , John and Ade.     Kasali came to our house on a Thursday evening with the two boys and he informed my grandma that I had an errand to run for him. The nature of my apprenticeship was such that your oga was more or less your owner – so your parents  obliged any request. .I simply put on my Kito sandals and followed them. We all rode away in Kasali’s 504 Station Wagon, the second best car in the community after Baale’s Mercedes 200. DPO Kenneth’s 505 evolution was taken away by his family after his death

   

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The smoke coming out of the exhaust as we drove off was not much of a worry since it was quite dark already; we inhaled some, the rest was for passers-by. I still couldn’t understand the kind of assignment oga had for us at such unholy hour                        .

He was apparently driving out of the community but took a turn as I asked a question.“Oga, where exactly are we going this night?”. John and Ade exchanged glances and they appeared to be satisfied that I was worried. The previous 3 days at work had been terrible for me because both of them used every opportunity to show me that they were my seniors at work. This didn’t go down well with me because they were my age mates and they were only ahead of me at Oga Kasali’s place because they dropped out of school earlier than me                     .

“We are here already, don’t be scared” Kasali responded                      .

That was when I noticed that we were driving towards the cemetery gate.

“Oga Kasa, but we came here in the morning for a burial.” I said                      .

Oga Kasali actually made the coffin used for the burial and I couldn’t understand why we came back                        .

The gateman of the cemetery approached the car and flashed his torchlight at us while oga Kasa flashed back with the car’s headlight. On another occasion I would have asked for the rationale behind putting a fence around a Cemetery and having a gatemen there. Was it to prevent the dead bodies from escaping? Or was it to prevent outsiders from interacting with them?

“Kasa gbangba, Good evening o” The gateman hailed Oga Kasali                           .

“Baba ode, well done sir. We are here o.” responded Kasali             .

“I don dey wait for the past thirty minutes. Make we start work immediately abeg” stated the gateman               .

The gateman who I knew very well because he stayed three houses away from my grandma., then noticed me in the car and asked   why I was there.  He actually joined us this week” replied Kasali                 .

We all moved towards the point where the burial of that day took place. John and Ade suddenly brought out diggers from behind a tree and they started digging.

That was when I realized what was happening. So Kasali sold coffins to people only for them to be retrieved and later sold to other people.

I was so scared and I couldn’t understand why they were so confident as they went on with the digging. What if someone later discovered what we were doing? .John and Ade had been digging for a while and it appeared they were already looking at the coffin. I was still in shock at what was going on as Oga Kasali and the gateman stepped forward to assist the boys.

Everyone knew I was in shock, so they didn’t bother asking me to do anything.

By this time, the coffin was exhumed  and they were about to open it.

“Kasali, when I go collect my balance na? I need money o” The gateman told Kasali               .

“No worry baba. By tomorrow, we go sell this one to another person and money go come in. I go settle you properly.” Replied Kasali               

How it happened, I still cannot explain till tomorrow. A voice, baritone one for that matter, suddenly came from the ground                     .

“Ka-sa-li! “To si gba owo ise re!” meaning “ But you were paid for this coffin.” Said the ghost, who was holding Kasali’s hand.

We all took off and escaped through different routes apart from Kasali who was being held by the ghost. Now I can officially call myself an NFA,(No future Ambition) as my two  career paths have proved too dangerous to cope with. Please  don’t tell my story in a serious Gathering.

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