Safe Sex Anyone?

SAFE SEX ANYONE?

When you hear  safe sex;you immediately think of condoms. Just Condoms.As long as you use condoms you are practicing safe sex. Well,  safe sex goes beyond condoms and you can as well soak your condoms in apple cidar vinegar or wear double coated and lubricated latex and still die within seconds. Because condoms never make sex safe, there is nothing safe about bodies on bodies and exchange of bodily fluids and a single “ barrier device” cannot make it safe even if the so called device is waterproof,elastic and durable. You are better off using these condoms to make waterproof microphones and  prevent  rifle barriers from clogging .

A  Chinese couple ( names unnecessary) fell to their death  in Wuhan  in June 2013 when the window they were leaning on while having sex gave way. They were most likely in an ascent to desire position  while leaning against a window and then the man’s knees grew weak , the window gave way and the lady flew through just before she climaxed and they both  crashed into the concrete floor of the ancient city of  Wuhan. Although it is not clear if they used  condoms or not, since they were a couple.That’s unsafe sex. In this case , a trampoline ,cushion  or even parachute would have had much more effect than a condom .

A young girl in  India, a student of Ranchi Women College decided to taste the forbidden fruit for the first time in May 2013 and man , did it hurt? It was with her long time boyfriend of 5 years and it took  place in a hotel, they both checked into. They had checked into different rooms to avoid any suspicion as the society they live in is as hypocritical as can be. At 2 am, Amit Kumar got up and made way for room 203 to carry out the 203. Of course they intended to practice safe sex and they did until the bleeding started. After bleeding for 2 hours, amit had to hide his shame and call the hotel attendants to come and put an end to what they didn't start. By then, the young girl was gone. Amit was initially charged for rape but even when he is released, he would never look at a vagina the same way again and he would understand the meaning of safe sex. Lube would have had much more effect than a condom here, but of course, the people said their gods were responsible.

RELATED POSTS: I ALSO PREACH SAFE SEX | LIES ABOUT SEX

A housewife in Lagos , Nigeria decided to check out a number on her bucket list in March 2013 and practice safe sex with her married neighbor while her own husband was out working and the neighbor’s wife was also out. The intensity of the whole action drove her blood pressure to insane rates and she eventually suffered a cardiac arrest which was originally thought to be an orgasm by her partner. It was only  rightfully concluded as a cardiac arrest when she remain still and started  growing cold. The man was arrested and of course his plea of carrying out safe sex was thrown in the trash. In this case, a doctor’s report  and personal check up would have been more important than condom. Here again, the people attributed the death to some diabolic oath taken by the one of the couple with or without the knowledge of both partners.

In May 2013, a man from Montreal was sentenced to  serve a one year prison sentence due to the death of his lover through safe sex practices that included sado masochistic sex which involved binding her in chains with her feet fully restrained and a metal collar around her neck and then he went out to get pizza and came back to meet her dead. In this case, common sense would have been better suited than condoms.

And finally in March 2013, a prostitute in Zimbabwe died while having safe sex but when she was being lifted out in a coffin, she came back to life and shouted,” do you want to kill me?”. She had obviously not fulfilled her destiny. Now the ultimate question, are you practicing  safe sex?

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Ways to quit your Job.

There comes a time in one’s working life when you have to quit a job. When the job sucks or when the job is totally different from the job offer letter or when you have finally decided to go after that job that helps you make a life. Quitting your job is no longer as important as how to quit the job, hence the creative ways to quit your job. 

There are two ways to quit a job.

1. The right way

2. The even right way.

The right way is definitely not among the creative ways to quit your job. It  involves planning, focusing, impression management and keeping your tongue in your cheek. The right way to quit your job is to pre-plan, draft a resignation letter (or get a freelance writer to do it for you to include your specifics like date of resignation and make it good enough to stand in court), meet with your boss, as it would be disrespectful for your boss to hear it from word on the street. In breaking the news, you should use words, like, "I've found something better that aligns with my objectives" if you have found a better job, or "this is the best thing for my family right now". The only similarity it has with the creative ways to quit your job is that it also involves planning and giving about two weeks notice. The planning also has to do with preparing to answer questions that might be thrown your way after you break  the good news to your boss and how you  would turn down the new job offer which purports to increase your allowances because you know it’s a trap. It involves reviewing all the clauses stated in the job offer letter that you received sometime back when you started the job. It also involves being professional up until the very last minute as you clear your seat and finalize all your handing over to the next victim who has received the job offer. You would have to be straight, discreet and appreciative of the great opportunity the job offer had awarded you. This should be done after you have received all your bonuses and benefits because your employer might not be as discreet as you because if they were, you probably won’t be leaving. In some cases , you have to request to be fired so as to get  unemployment checks  if you live in a developed country and want to take time off to  be a couch potato and binge on food high in trans fat.This is a right way to quit your job because , it sounds right, and it would help someday when you need a reference from your former employer or when you get into politics and need to suck up to everyone and present a squeaky clean history slate.

RELATED POST: WAYS TO DIE| JOB OFFER QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

The even right way to quit your job involves creative ways to quit, when you don’t just give a damn, it involves literally not just burning the bridges but  deep frying the bridges until they become charcoal and serving them to the boss cold.  Here are examples of creative ways to quit your job.

1.Using the platform as a spring board for your new enterprise: The best example of this very creative way to quit your job is Chris Holmes who resigned from his job as an immigration official in border force UK to follow his passion of  food making  and finally had the balls to go out and do this job since he realized the importance of doing the job that makes you happy. Needless to say, that  www.mrcake.co.uk  has received great overwhelming hits and bookings and the cake business is booming. Way to go!

2. Cause a nuisance: Another creative way to quit your job is to make a nuisance. The best example so far is that of the Joey DeFrancesco,  who used to work with Renaissance Providence Hotel where the workers had issues with the way the hotel was being run. He wrote a letter and he came loaded with a marching band in tow, to put a stamp to his freedom and his new life in the deeper waters of life.

Okay, you might not be able to afford a matching band, because if you did, you probably won't be leaving the job, but who needs a matching band to create a nuisance when you have yourself. Walk into your boss's office and yell in a voice that could be heard miles away, "I QUIT". You can also break the work rules on your last intended day, sleep on your desk, watch movies during office hours, leave clients unattended to and then best of all. go to work butt naked.

3. Create an entertainment package: Another creative way to quit your job is to create a nice entertainment . It might have to be contrived with an American Tv network and a Motown quintet called the voices,but  at least that is what phil sipka who used to work as a barista in robust coffee lounge in Chicago did. Whatever you do, it must receive an applause after it all. Because its meant to entertain.

A more recent job quitting video which has gone viral with over 14 million views as at October 2013 is the Marina shifrin video which she made in the wee hours of the morning on her day of quitting a very strenuous job.In her own words she described the company as awesome but thinks the working conditions are terrible. Needless to say, she would earn a lot from the ads which might equate her annual salary if the views continue. She also got an offer from Queen Latifah few days afterwards. Sometimes taking a very bold step is all that we need.

4. Make an indelible stamp: This creative way to quit your job might be a little risky  as it might get you arrested. A very public example is that of a jet blue air host, steven slater  who just lost it when an unruly passenger decided to act terribly by trying to retrieve a luggage when the plane had not completely stopped. He gave the other passengers a  piece of him while emptying all what he had to keep inside since he started the job. He was arrested the next day for criminal mischief and reckless endangerment, but he also became a celebrity and his facebook page is booming. 

This guy plastered the walls of his work place with this deadly sign. He also had to repaint it

5. Say it like it is: This embodies the even right way to quit, it involves just saying it like it is, shaming the boss to think right for once in his lifetime and do things correctly. This can be done verbally or done in writing by the cowardly.

Way to go sheila.

If you don’t have the balls to follow these creative ways to quit, then it’s better to sit down on that job and share this blog post or better still send us some other examples that we missed.But remember. sometimes you have to find ways to quit your job before you get fired.

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Apps For Fitness

Technology is here to stay and to make life easier and better.  The world of apps is also here to stay. The word app itself was regarded as the word of the year in 2010 by the American dialect society. There are over 2 million apps in the world right now and these apps have  been downloaded  over 100 billion times.  There are apps for relationships , apps for productivity and also apps for fitness. These apps for fitness hope to help people achieve their goal of total body fitness and healthy living.

Here are the most common apps for fitness.

1. Nike Training Club:. 

 This app for fitness is geared towards women, because as far as fitness is concerned women are the ones who need help most . It offers you a personal trainer and tips from professional athletes and celebrity trainer. It is one of the best app for fitness that you  would find in the app store plus it has a big brand name backing it up.  The variety it offers and flexibility with setting music to your workouts is awesome.

2. Couch to 5K.:

 This app won the 2012 Appy Award for best Healthcare & Fitness App and it purports to take anybody from being a couch potato to running 5 kilometres without literally breaking a sweat. It comes with a music player, workout recorder , progress tracker.  Best features for this fitness app includes  Playing your music playlist,. Voice commands work great, Also visual commands,. Does not crash at all.

3. Pocket Yoga :

 This is an app for fitness that deals basically in yoga poses, terms led by yoga instructors with varying levels of difficulty and duration.  It is very effective for weight loss, total body fitness as advertised on CNN.

4. Myplate livestrong calorie tracker:

This app centers on calorie counting to achieve weight loss . This app for fitness was developed by livestrong.com. It contains over 1.3 million foods and restaurant items by the calories and helps you to keep a daily calorie intake watch , it also has a weight loss tracker  and even a free online service.

RELATED POSTS:APPS FOR BETTER RELATIONSHIPS

5. Cardio : 

This app purports to tell you what your heart rate is and you can compare it to that of somebody else or a celebrity . it is based on a new research from MIT Medical Media center that interprets your heart rate simply the way light is refracted on your face in photos taken by your  phone.

6. Fitness buddy:

 This app is actually a fitness buddy, it offers over 1700 exercises with detailed descriptions and animations , body metrics tracking and fitness companion. It however doesn't come with the motivation and the strength to do those exercises.

7. You are on your own gym:

 This fitness app tells you the truth which the others don’t, you are on your own. It however comes with a free video pack to show you what to do based on a best selling book with over 200 excercises to achieve maximum fitness.

8. Adidas micoach: 

This fitness app offers voice coaching while tracking workouts using GPS with over 400 built in exercises  It of course tells you when you need to buy new adidas shoes.

9. Fitbit.

The fitbit systems helps to count calories, log weight, track personal metrics such as blood pressure, glucose levels , heart rate, sleep using a personal activity tracker in the fitbit system. The app is part of the whole fitbit system which you can use take yourself to ultimate fitness. It also comes with a web intergration.

10. Fitocracy:

This app for fitness  uses game-like stats to serve as a motivation to work out. It is also very interactive and has a community presence. You can always post your excuses for not working out and chances are there would be someone that shares the same excuse.

There you have it, now there is no reason , not to be fit.

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Role of a Father

What exactly are the roles of a father?

Below are the roles of a father;

1. Good Example

A father is like a book his kids read,a film his kids watch and a mascot whose  actions and deeds are emulated consciously or unconsciously. The role of a father is to be a good example in character, in conversation, in  actions and deeds... Live an exemplary life.Don't forget child training has more to do with your lifestyle than what you tell them i.e it has more to do with what they see than what they hear, that is why you must be a good example to them.

Now you know, he's gonna shave those pubes off his head.

2. Spiritual Leader

The role of a father is to help his kids develop a sense of spirituality which would subsequently help in leading a responsible and discreet life. 'The fear of God, they say is the beginning of wisdom'.

Be mindful not to transfer religion but faith 

3. Provider

A father should be the  bread winner of the house, or at least the one that brings the jam to go with the bread.It is  a  responsibility , if you have to be force by to pay child support  then you cannot call  yourself a father.

Provide them food, shelter and clothing. The best thing, however is the provision of quality education and skill acquisition. A man whose kids have no education or skills has failed in his role as a father, no matter how much money he spends on them.

It doesn't count if you are feeding a sleeping  baby

4. Protector

It is the role  of a father  to protect his family. Protect them from the  vices of this world, stand up and defend your family when necessary. A man once died while trying to prevent armed robbers from raping his wife, he said i can't watch it happen, i'll rather die, he killed two of them, before he was shot dead and they were unable To rape the woman. The wife said 'my husband died a hero', and she would never forget that. That family will forever be proud of their father, that is a real Father!Render selfless service to your family.

This is like the coolest dad in the world

5. Instructor

Being an instructor is one of the roles of a father. The free fall life leads to destruction. Life has a set of rules and principles to live by, at a young age, a father is to instill this principles in his kid.

Always remember, you must not date an american  but a chinese girl and you  must learn the kung fu.

6. Playmate

It is not only your wife you have to play with, also play with your kids. Take time  out to take strolls , play games,  take them out to the cinemas,  take them shopping, spend vacations  together because those moments would be cherished for life.Don't forget the birthdays, the graduations, the first day at school, Christmas, that's what creates fun memories.

nice dad.

7. LOVE

The greatest gift a father can offer his children is to love their mother. Love  your kids and their mother, be a good listener, let them feel the fatherly warmth and embrace.

  A friend once said,

"I remember  a day, i was mad at my dad and i refused to come home, it was getting late and he was concerned, i refused to pick his calls, then he sent me a text telling me how much he loves me, he pleaded that i should come home so we can settle. I read the text  and tears flowed freely down my cheeks and then i returned home. When i got home he embraced me and said he was sorry, i was like i love you too dad.... I still have that text on my phone, read it about a thousand times, i still  cherish it."

" Say the  three magical words, i  love you,  it works like magic.

Now you know, you are going to be back in the hospital very soon.

Fathers, your child needs you, your wife needs you, your family needs you, and the society needs you. The kids make up the family, the family in constitute the society, our society defines the Nation and the world at large.

The role of a father is to a responsible father, a point of reference and most of all someone your family is proud of. Read 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad: What Fathers Can Do to Make a Lifelong Difference

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WAYS TO DIE

WAYS TO DIE

Okay, I know you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you and death is just  not anywhere in the picture. Same with all the people who died in the ways I am about to share. Apart from growing old to a ripe age, tripping under a bus, suicide, bomb blast, getting jack knifed, catching a stray bullet, hurricane, earthquake or being assassinated. Here are more common ways to die and why you are more likely to die by at least one way.

1. HEART DISEASE:

This is a very broad term for diseases affecting the heart and it’s  blood vessels. This is the leading cause of death worldwide for midlife adults and it’s increasing at a very fast rate in low and middle income countries. Chances are you know at least one person who has died of heart failure, stroke, cardiac arrest or hypertensive heart disease. This is the commonest  of the ways to die.While it doesn't occur until late in one’s life, the symptoms are antecedent and heart disease prevention  has to begin at childhood based on a recent study  examining the cadavers of 760 teenagers. Genetically, you might be susceptible to heart disease but you can also go ahead and choose this way to die by having high serum cholesterols ( high concentration of LDL particles)  due to absence of whole grains and fruits and vegetables in your meal or cultivating habits like smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, lack of adequate sleep or physical activity and exposure to pollutants. Shortness of breath, having irregular heart beats, mild pain under the breast bone,light headedness and erectile dysfunction in men are symptoms that point to this way to die. To bail out on this way to die, use fresh herbs,eat black beans,salmon, tuna, eat extra virgin oil,walnuts, almonds, tofu, sweet potatoes, cherries, carrots  and cayenne chilli pepper.

Further reading: Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease: The Revolutionary, Scientifically Proven, Nutrition-Based Cure

RELATED POSTS: WAYS TO QUIT YOUR JOB

2. CANCER:

This is also a very broad term for over 200 ailments which are basically tumors growing uncontrollably in the body and attaching to internal organs and damaging them. There were an estimated 12.7 million cancer cases around the world in 2008. The number is expected to rise to 21 million by 2030 with Denmark having the highest recorded cases of 0.3% in the country's entire population. This way to die is 5% hereditary and the other increased by the consumption of tobacco, alcohol, certain infections,radiation, lack of physical activity, obesity, and environmental pollutants. Shortness of breath, chronic cough and chest pain, constant abdominal pain, difficulty swallowing, swollen lumps or lymph nodes, rectal bleeding or blood in stool , swollen breasts ( when you are not pregnant or have taken any steps to make your boobs bigger ), sores and skin lumps that don’t heal and nails becoming pale are just few symptoms that point to the fact that you may be choosing this way to die.

Further Reading:Cancer: 50 Essential Things to Do: 2013 Edition

3. DIABETES:

This is a growing epidemic world wide. It  is a group of metabolic diseases in which a person has high blood sugar, either because the pancreas does not produce enough insulin, or because cells do not respond to the insulin that is produced. This way to die is of two kinds, the type 1 which is partly inherited and not based on lifestyle but still requires an environmental trigger and the type 2 which is mostly due to an environmental trigger. You would must likely choose this way to die if a close member of your family has Type 2 diabetes (parent or brother or sister).You're overweight or if your waist is 31.5 inches or over for women; 35 inches or over for Asian men and 37 inches or over for white and black men. You have high blood pressure or you've had a heart attack or a stroke.You're a woman with polycystic ovary syndrome and you are overweight. You've been told you have impaired glucose tolerance or impaired fasting glycaemia. If you're a woman and you've had gestational diabetes or you have severe mental health problems.

Further Reading:The First Year: Type 2 Diabetes: An Essential Guide for the Newly Diagnosed

Remember the best way to die is to die at an old ripe age.

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YOUTH DEVELOPMENT:CUT THE CRAP

Youth development is the 

"...the ongoing growth process in which all youth are engaged in attempting to (1) meet their basic personal and social needs to be safe, feel cared for, be valued, be useful, and be spiritually grounded, and (2) to build skills and competencies that allow them to function and contribute in their daily lives." 

Youth development is basically about cutting the crap out of our lives and forging ahead to make things right. Here are a list of crap you need to cut from your life.

1. Surrounding yourself with the wrong people: 

I used to be in love with an asshole, until I realized the relationship was only turning me into an asshole myself , so I cut the crap. Being in parasitic relationships does no one any good, same as being friends with envious and jealous people.  When the people you surround yourself with don’t give a damn about you but you are till trying to tag along for whatever reason is just complete bulls. Cut the crap!. You would have to bend over backwards for them and yet you would still not be a standard member of the clique, so why waste your time? Life is very short and full of challenges, the best you can do for yourself is to surround yourself with people that can motivate you and you can motivate likewise, people that can gear you on and people that would want to see you succeed. Cut the crap!, There are 7 billion people in the world and the only reason we are split into different races and countries,states and towns is because we can’t all be friends. Cut the crap!

2. Doing activities to keep you from being bored: 

Youth development is an ongoing process, it never stops . To get to the level of being able to function and contribute positively to your life and lives of others require work. If you find yourself getting bored everyday, then you know you are not doing anything in your life to attain youth development. If you are acquiring skill, getting education, starting a business or working, you wouldn't be laid back in bed getting bored. Cut the crap!. Those Facebook posts only make you sound stupid. “I’m going to bed now,” “ I am so bored”.WTF? (Welcome to Facebook).

3. Window shopping: 

Stop buying into the crap that the media houses are selling to you , you don’t need some kind of synchronized mesmerized  noise to get you to sleep, after a job well done, sleep comes except you are suffering from insomnia. There are a lot of crap advertised  with all sorts of discounts, when you were never going to buy it anyway.When buying anything, you have to ask yourself, what the purpose is? Is it for health reasons, for medical reasons, for hygiene purposes etc . Once you cannot basically say what you are buying something for , apart from to urge to show off, then you need to cut the crap and save that money.

4. Waiting for tomorrow while today wastes: 

This is the most common mistake of  man ,youths particularly. Stop waiting for the economy to improve, it just might never, stop waiting for things to become normal, it is not normal for things to be normal, it’s just the way life is. Moving against the tides is what cultivates strength and growth and subsequently youth development. Getting your mind from the present to that fictitious place in your head where things are perfect and everything works your way, is a waste of useful mind energy, cut the crap. That energy  would have  been better used in tackling logically, the issues of the present to attain youth development and  of course a better future.

RELATED POSTS: YOUTH DEVELOPMENT-YOUR CHOICE , YOUR FUTURE

5. Wasting your time following celebrities: 

Reality Television is the biggest crap ever invented and it’s not going away anytime soon. It’s a multi billion dollar industry on it’s own all around the world, where amateur talents are either exploited or no talents are made to do what it is they do and for people to spend their lives following this fictitious reality characters is just complete absurd. Seriously you need to cut the crap. You have your life to live and you have to live it now. Those people don't even know you and never well, you would even be embarrassed if you try to act like you know them in the mall. Because they don't know you. Instead make yourself someone people want to see and meet and work with.

Now Cut the CRAP, Resolve Your Problemsand get to youth development.

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I ALSO PREACH SAFE SEX

I ALSO PREACH SAFE SEX.

NIGERIA, WEST AFRICA: It was a Saturday afternoon and passengers had boarded the usually dirty and cranky commercial buses of Lagos. They were obviously not expecting their journey to be marred by harsh words of condemnation from a self acclaimed preacher. He had introduced himself as a messenger of God and was beginning to deliver the  message that he was sent .

He started like every other preacher by saying a word of prayer and saying statements like, “ may this message not stand against the hearers on the judgement day”. In Lagos, some commercial buses carry the “ no preaching” signs but this bus didn't . In a country where about 51% of the population are practicing Christians, it wasn't uncommon to meet with bus preachers .

He immediately warned that the world is about to come to an end and that the present unrest in most areas of the world from earthquakes, wars, suicide bombings, recession and corruption were all tell- tale signs that the world as we know it was soon going to end. After the world ends, we would either go to heaven or hell based on what we have done on earth. He went further to warn that since the passengers were still alive, they had the choice of changing their ways so that they could eventually make heaven and miss out on hell where there would be fire and brimstone and gnashing of teeth.

He warned that those engaging in premarital sex or any sex outside the walls  of marriage were going to go to hell. Those who spent time on their bodies as against spending time to feed their mind and souls were going to watch those same bodies decay and their souls burn in hell. The words were harsh, undiluted and indiscreet.

He went further to say that if you apply make ups products, most of which puts the user under satanic influence, you would be a tool for the devil and would eventually born with him in hell. He said ear piercing was a sign of slavery and that wearing of trousers by women were not appropriate and would only lead them to hell.

RELATED POSTS: LIES ABOUT SEX  | WHY MEN ARE ADDICTED TO PORN

John Mbakogu was there, he was furious himself, he wasn't married and while he has not had sex in a very long time, he was a masturbation junkie, he had also engaged in premarital sex at one time in the past.

The bus preacher was not to  be stopped or ignored. His voice was loud and clear, echoing all around the about 60-seat bus which  has even  been reworked to house more passengers. He then offered to lead the passengers back to God , if they would surrender their lives to him and  turn a new leaf. The guilt was contagious, most of them were already filled with guilt and so offered to be prayed for and led back to God.

He started praying and prancing along the aisle of the bus while laying hands on people who had indicated interest in surrendering to the Lord. While at it, he slipped, his bible fell and wolah, it was "spirit filled" condoms that fell out of the holy book. This made the passengers mad. In  Lagos, condoms were mostly used by  people engaging in premarital sex or extra marital affairs, not even the family support program and ministry of health’s campaign to ensure condoms are used by married folks to reduce unplanned pregnancy, improve women’s health and help with child spacing could stop the general perception that condoms were meant only for extra marital and premarital sex.

On citing them, the passengers became enraged and immediately pounced on the preacher, accusing him of deception and not practicing what he preached.There  is no law against people who practice hypocrisy or public deception , so the irate passengers decided to take the law into their own hands and beat the hell out of the preacher while in the bus. The bus had to be stopped and the preacher hauled out, all this while screaming “ I  ALSO PREACH SAFE SEX! I ALSO PREACH SAFE SEX!”.

Law enforcement agents immediately came to his rescue to avoid him being beaten to hell. They also seized the condoms to be used as exhibit.  In the words of the famous bus preacher, no not the televangelist , the one that started his ministry in a commercial Lagos bus, I also preach safe sex.

RELATED POST: ADDICTED TO PORN AND LOVING IT|MASTURBATION SIDE EFFECTS

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CALLING ALL RAPISTS TO INDIA

Are you a rapist? Have you been spending your life travelling, raping man, woman, and child?

You should visit India.

For you see, even though we keep blaming the West, we have a rich history of rape, assault, and blaming the victim.

In the Ramayan, Ravan kidnaps Sita, who’s Rama’s wife. Sita spends 14 years pining for Ram, and then after winning the war, Rama suspects her of having slept with Ravan. Later, when they are back in his kingdom, he overhears a washerman abusing his wife, and kicks Sita out of the kingdom, and into the forest. Years later, when Sita gives birth to Rama’s twins, he suspects if the kids were really his. Sita, unable to bear the humiliation, ends her life.

And Rama is called Purushottam, or the Ideal Man. See what I mean?

You must have also heard of Bollywood. Apart from Bollywood, we have other film industries, stupidly named Kollywood, Tollywood, and Mollywood. The films generally have heroes who stalk women, tease them, and harass them till they succumb to their charms. No, no. The films aren’t flops. They are superhits, we love our films.

Let me now, dear rapist, list out the many ways in which we as a country shall ensure that you have a pleasant, rape-filled stay in our country.

Politicians: We are the largest democracy in the world. Quite naturally, there should be quite a few rapists in the Parliament. There are 369 MPs/MLAs who have criminal cases against them, and I am only talking about crimes against women.

Rahul Gandhi, the scion of the most famous family in India, has been accused of rape. Narendra Modi, whom many herald as India’s only hope, has been banned from the UK and US for orchestrating an extravaganza of loot, murder, and rape.

Also, the politicians will generally take your side, accusing women of not being appropriately dressed, or inciting the incidents by dressing vulgarly.

Legal System: India also has a unique legal system. Cases take years to get heard, if at all. Also, our lawyers are generally quite open minded and liberal. Like the lawyer in the recent gangrape case, who said that the girl was raped because she wasn’t respectable.

Also, the most famous lawyer in the country has been in the news for fighting cases of criminals – Sanjay Dutt, Haji Mastaan, and Manu Sharma. Manu Sharma shot a waitress because she didn’t serve him a drink, and the lawyer fought the case on the lines that the waitress was of questionable character, and the place was actually a ‘bordello’.

Of course, the man is held as an inspiration by thousands of law students, who claim he only does it to extend the boundaries of the legal system.

Police and Army: They say ‘Long is the arm of law’. In India, the long arm of law is used majorly to slip into the pants and masturbate.

Most police officials think women ask for it by dressing up in skimpy clothes and having a boyfriend. And surely, if a girl sleeps with one, she will be ok with sleeping with others, right? Bingo!

Complaints are rarely registered, and if they are, the victim has to undergo a medical test where a male doctor inserts two fingers into her vagina to check if she has in fact been raped.

The army is a different case altogether. India has the sixth largest army in the world, and the army does a formidable job in raping. In fact, if you have a fetish for Mongolian looks, you should go to the North East states in India.

Here, there has been a law since 1986 called the AFSPA, which restricts three or more people from sitting together and having a discussion. Here, the army can search any house without a warrant, frisk you, or shoot you if deemed fit. The army has also got a history of raping women in these states.

Why doesn’t anybody raise this issue? Come on, man! It’s the North East states. Who gives a rat's ass?

So as you can see, the country, its social structure, the administration and jurisdiction is perfect for you, the rapist.

Apart from this, the country also provides other recreational options for rape, if you belong to a niche group.

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Fetish Rape: If you are among the kinds that has a special thing for perverse pleasure, look no further than India.

Here, we rape minors, pregnant women, grandmothers, children, infants, and even dogs! Yes, dogs.

Also, there are orphanages where kids are raped, and where foreigners are allowed to touch and feel young children. Physically handicapped girls, mentally challenged girls,housewives, foreigners - there is no discrimination in our country at all.

Also, the Cow is considered holy in our country, being called Go Mata. Quite naturally, sometimes, cows are also raped, poor things!

RAPE IN TRANSIT:

If you are a busy man without much time on your hands, and like raping on the go, India again has a plethora of options for you.

BUSES: Rapes in buses are common. Apart from the famous gangrape case, there have been other cases as well. For eg, in Pipili a girl was gangraped in a bus in front of other passengers. When one of the girls testified in court, she was gangraped as well. Ironically, ‘bus’ in Hindi means ‘enough!’, but of course, we Indians can never have enough!

TRAINS: The Indian Railways was set up by the Britishers and is among the largest network of trains in the world.

Scenic locations, long journeys, lack of security measures, and delayed schedules provide the perfect opportunity for you to rape a few women while on a long journey. To avoid hassles, you may consider throwing the victim out of the moving train. There will be a hue and cry the next day, but like the rest of the country, you would have moved on.

FLIGHTS: Now, I cannot guarantee you can rape someone on a flight, but you can definitely molest a few women.

Flights are still a luxury in our country, so you will not find much diversity to choose from on a flight. The delays in flights will be a hurdle in planning a rape. Also, the air hostesses on Air India and Indian Airlines are middle aged women who dress up in sarees. And as anyone in India will tell you, dressing up in a saree is the best way to avoid rape.

May be that’s why they say Air Travel is the safest mode of travel??

So there, my rapist brothers from across the world, where else in the world will you find such facilities? Where else will you find that that the entire system bends over backwardsso that you can feel the rush of thrusting your penis into an unwilling vagina?

Where else can you feel like a real man, thrust your hard cock into her, and feel her warm blood flow down your loins, with the security that you can walk free?
And don't worry about our infrastructure or electricity issues, India can generate electricity from the humping motion of Indian rapists.

Why do you think it’s called Incredible India?

Reblogged from http://heartranjan.wordpress.com

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