MALE FACIAL GROOMING

Male Facial Grooming

Looking at a picture of a much older relative (uncle for short) really justified the need for male facial grooming. He had received an  all fresh farm goat milk soap as a Christmas present among other things from his daughter. His face was looking smoother and evenly toned than it normally would, devoid of the sunburn and dark skin patches that had long plagued his face.

Men grooming is an age long practice and male beauty is actually a thing, from as far back as Ancient Greece. Men were expected to put their best face forward, be well groomed and kempt. In Ancient Greece the woman’s body was not liked , it had to be covered, whereas the male  body was considered neat and clean and was put on coins, made as statures and even idolized. In this modern time, the secret to good male facial grooming is “the secret”.

 Men don’t have to fix male facial dates or read cosmopolitan and bitch about their menstrual cycles not being in sync, while their legs are dipped in essential oils water , while still  watching Real house wives that had been DVRed for customers in  the salon.

 Men can simply go online, read shitty blogs like this one and get a DIY Kit and put their best face forward, except of  course, these men are celebrities, then they can simply have their companies handle the  deep frying of their  jerry curls (think  Jermane Jacksun) or they are Queers (Queers always get the pass for everything) or they are queer celebrities.(Hi, Adam Lambert).

How to go about Male Facial Grooming - The 12 Steps of Male Facial Grooming.

Male Facial grooming can be broken down into 12 male facial items, just like the 12 steps of AA.

1. FACE WASH.

Washing your face with typical toilet soaps is like taking paracetamol for every ache and pain, there are products that are specifically made for specific issues and all in one soaps are usually not worth their weight. Good Face wash would moisturize as it cleanses and would not strip the face off natural oils. Cetaphil is the most recommended Face wash, even Pharell Williams the ageless music producer swears by it. He gets happy like a room without a roof with Cetaphil (Endorsement deal booting….). Wash not more than twice a day, morning and night.

Just Look at Him with the CetaPhil Shine.

2. FACIAL SCRUB

Using a Facial Scrub is recommended once or twice a week, preferably weekends, where you can spend a little more time in the bathroom. Channel the masturbation time to facial scrubbing and genital intimate wash. Kyoku for Men Exfoliating Facial Scrub, Alba Botanica Sea Algae Enzyme Scrub and Nivea for Men Energy Face Scrub are the most recommended facial scrub for men. The main job of a facial scrub is exfoliation. Exfoliation is the removal of dead skin cells, blackheads which would in turn free ingrown hairs, prevent blemishes, and remove excess oils. Although these facial scrubs are very effective, exfoliation can also be done with some natural products like Honey and Sugar.

This is why the West has  Higher Water Consumption.

3. MOISTURIZER

The skin is in a constant state of Moisture loss from activities like heat exposure, washing and scrubbing the face. A moisturizer is very important to restore the skin’s moisture content. The positive effects of moisturizing are usually in the long run, when aging starts. Moisturizing would slow down skin aging, which is one of the benefits of male facial grooming. Jack Black Double-Duty Face Moisturizer is about the best moisturizer in the market, Neutrogena Men is also high up in the ranks

That's Kinda too much for just one spot.

4. PILLS

Vitamin E drops are for not only male facial grooming but for improved  overall skin health as it helps fight the effects of sun damage and prevent wrinkles. Vitamin A and C  are also very important. Vitamin A for acne and dry skin prevention and Vitamin C for  improved skin elasticity and strength. The Daily recommended dose for Vitamin A is 900 μg for Men (700 μg for women) while for Vitamin E is 400UI or 15mg and  vitamin  C is 90mg per day. Taking supplements continuously is not advisable, depending on the quality of the supplements, some supplements can lead to toxin build up. Take a break sometimes and get your vitamins naturally. Vitamin A occurs naturally in cereal and milk, Vitamin C in fruits, Vitamin E in Olive Oils and Papaya. Before adding supplements to your daily routine always check with your doctor. You might want to leave out the male facial grooming part.

The more colourful, your supplement rack is , the better.

                                                MALE GENITAL ODOR ELIMINATION

5. EYE CREAM

You might not want to put cucumbers over your eyes while sleeping but you can simply use an eye cream to reduce fine lines, dark circles and wrinkles or what is otherwise known as raccoon eyes which results from excessive drinking and staying up at night. You can simply save the money to be spent on an effective eye cream like Yalmeh super youth eye cream and instead get enough sleep and less alcohol or buy the eye cream and party anyway #YOLO. Dark patches under the eyes can also be as a result of stress,aging and vitamin K deficiency. The dark patches are actually blood vessels beneath the skin due to thinning of the skin layers. The best bet for raccoon eyes would be to double up on vegetables like broccoli, cabbage, cucumber,dark leafy greens and pretty much anything green and tasteless.

Turn down for what? ,Who cares about  Raccoon eyes, Eye cream to the rescue.

6. MALE FACIAL HAIR REMOVAL

A very important step in male facial grooming is male facial hair removal. Male Beauty is largely dependent on beautiful skin with the shape of the head accentuated with facial hair. Having facial hair busting out of every orifice of your face would make you look like a fugitive except of course it is for religious reasons (then you get a pass from your religious community). Brow shaping, beard shaving and styling and nose hair pulling is vital for male facial grooming. You can go to a salon to have your eyebrows pulled out, shaped (you lose masculine points if you  squeal or become teary eyed) or buy yourself a facial hair trimming kit and just do it.

The only way your brows are gonna look
like this

is by doing this.

“Remember you might not be able to fight World Hunger except you have $30 Billion per Year, or end the war in Syria or get the housewives  and kardashians off the air, but you can make the world a better place by being an eye candy and make the day of those who site you.”

                                                                                    Narcissism 101

NEXT  6  STEPS

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Lose weight fast

Surefire way to burn fat and lose Weight.

Chances are you are trying to lose weight or stay fit and you have started starving yourself or just thinking about it, either way, here are some tips that  would help you burn fat and lose weight.

The very first thing you need to do is calculate your body mass index , to see if you are underweight or overweight. Use the formula

BMI = ( Weight in Pounds / ( Height in inches x Height in inches ) ) x 703

Or

BMI = ( Weight in Kilograms / ( Height in Meters x Height in Meters ) )

Based on your answers and this chart, you should easily find where you belong.

This could be you , in a few years time

Adults BMI:	Women	Men
underweight	< 19.1	< 20.7
in normal range	19.1 - 25.8	20.7 - 26.4
marginally overweight	25.8 - 27.3	26.4 - 27.8
overweight	27.3 - 32.3	27.8 - 31.1
very overweight or obese	> 32.3	> 31.1

This chart and the BMI methods have been recently criticized as inaccurate, but until we find a better replacement,  we are still sticking to this.

Depending on your exercise, you might actually gain weight if you are trying to build muscles, but you would feel your pants become freer as well as your shirts, if you are really burning fat. Now here are some things you need to do based on personal experiences to burn fat and lose weight. 

1. Cut down on calorie intake. Consume less calories than your body burns. Calculate your daily calorie expenditure here and go 300 calories below it, leaving a cheat day where you maintain the calorie amount. Have four meals per day, spaced between four hours.  To achieve your calorie goals, you would need to replace salad dressings, chicken skins and egg yolks with almonds, flank, wild salmon and avocados.(You probably already know this)

2. Reduce the amount of carbs you eat, in order to reduce insulin which is a by product of carbs and is a fat storage hormone. This can be achieved by replacing every thing white from your meal, white rice, white flour, white bread, white potatoes with brown rice, wheat flour etc. Eat protein more, the body burns more calories processing protein than it does , processing carbs and fats.

3. Have a balanced diet all the time, instead of gulping down some sugary drink or soup. Mix your protein, with vegetables and carbs and eat them. Take young coconut water, when you can before a meal, it has very good skin glowing effects and also helps to curb your appetite and sugar cravings. Take proteins when you are about to sleep instead of foods high in carbohydrates. Eat your last meal 4 hours before bed. This is to ensure that the growth Hormone (GH), which the body produces during the first hour of sleep that helps burn fat is not inhibited by carbs.
                           
30 DAY GARLIC CHALLENGE

4. Go to bed on an empty stomach and a capsule of Nitric oxide. It would produce a surge in GH levels and would increase the pump in your excercises. This should be taken before bed on an empty stomach , otherwise you would have just wasted $30.

5. All white carbs should be eaten only after an intensive workout, most trainers recommend eating 6 meals per day, but most people eventually end up over shooting their calorie limits with 6 meals, feeling sleepy and bloated all the time  and eventually gaining weight and losing no fat.

FOODS THAT HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT

6. Do your workouts on empty stomachs, it opens up your reserves and  burns your fat storage. Also take time once in two weeks to empty your glycogen stores by fruit fasting with a particular fruit like apple or mango, eliminating all carbs from your food for the whole day.

SETTING UP A HOME GYM WITH LESS THAN $1000

7. Drink protein shakes, do cardios in the morning, wear fitted clothes , walk barefoot in the grass sometimes and if you still don’t become trim and fit, then call weight watchers. 

Use this guy as your motivation. Just keep your eyes on the breast flap, and tell yourself, someday, that flap could be mine.

Or just continue to down those super greasy
burgers #YOLO #FuckWeightLoss#TheBiggerThe Better.

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Quit Smoking Apps

APPS THAT CAN HELP QUIT SMOKING.

Okay, after working with some friends all day and night and passively smoking through 5 packs of cigarettes, it’s time to find apps that can help people quit smoking. There is an app for everything now, except of course, an app that downloads food (until that happens, I’m not impressed). So here are the most recommended mobile applications that would go a long way in helping anyone interested in curbing the irritating habit of smoking. 

These apps however, would not take the cigarettes from you and lock them up in the trash can, or shame you with a picture of your “dilapidating” lungs, chapped lips , fucked up teeth and dry scaly skin, it wouldn’t show you a picture of how you look older than your age and how you would look in the years to come. They don’t even come close to showing you how you would want to cough out your lungs in the advert of a smoking induced lung cancer or give you a playback of your wheeze blaring in your beats , so they all need to be updated.

However, here are the apps some previous chain smokers swear by.

1.       Quit It

Straight to the point name. The quit it app is a free app with very good ratings. Instead of public shaming, like posting a  Facebook message  page to all your friends and members of your addiction class like  “That mother fucker is out in the dark corner of the street, fumbling with a lighter again and smoking his lungs out, this is the 2nd time in 2 days, the cigarette junkie would fall off the wagon”. It is instead based on motivation. It takes the amount of cigarette you smoke per day, the amount per pack and time of quitting and keeps furnishing you information on how much you’ve saved by not smoking, the amount of tar buildup your lungs has avoided and how much of a better person you have become with each health goal challenge, you’ve overcome. It is very straight forward, with few ads here and there , no annoying pop ups and other vices that would make you want to smoke.

2.       Livestrong

This app is going to be your quit coach, at least that is what it purports to be. It is a physician approved app and one of the most recommended. Some chain smokers however warn that the interface can make you smoke more.” I'd have 3 smokes already just setting the stupid thing up” It’s slogan is dare to quit smoking and it make use of social media, to brag about you coming out of the hole you got yourself in, in the first place. It tracks your cravings too. Here  is a review by someone of the smoking app by someone who doesn't smoke.

                                    WAYS TO QUIT YOUR JOB

3.       Quitter

Here is another app that helps you quit smoking called quitter. Like the name, it helps you quit but not only smoking, it helps you quit everything you want to quit, including life.

4.       Quit it with Andrew Johnson

This app has a soothing relaxing music to help fight cravings and the voice of Andrew Johnson, (think male siri’s voice if he smoked three packs of cigarettes then spoke) asides all the other similarities to all quit smoking apps.

There is also kick smoking app for window phone users and a ton of others.

Smoking is actually on the decline in developed countries except the ones in Europe  and on the rise in developing countries with no significant change in under developed countries, changing location can also help you quit smoking or otherwise increase your intake. Quitting smoking is not an easy task, you would need friends and community to help you. Join becomeanex.org or the stop smoking group on REDDIT.  One of the best ways of quitting a habit is finding another habit that would give you nearly as much pleasure as the old one. Good luck finding that .

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