SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

Words are as strong as the fist.

The statistics of domestic homicide  as a result of being in an abusive relationship has increased in recent years . It has become rampant in celebrities and commoners alike, while celebrity cases graze the pages of newspapers and magazines, others happen and are often swept under the carpet. It is often  impossible to think that , the once passionate and fun filled relationship could turn abusive but the records prove otherwise as 1 in 3 youth  report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner. A lot of victims of abusive relationships however keep this secret from most people until they eventually lose their limbs, their face or their life. Most of them are usually blinded to the screaming signs of abuse in their relationship while others simply ignore it  claiming  " no one is perfect". Abuse in relationships are of diverse kinds, the most indexed is the physical abuse,which involves physically hurting a partner. There are however other forms of abuse in relationships such as sexual abuse, emotional abuse and  verbal abuse.

Sexual abusive relationships are those relationship where a partner is constantly forced to have sexual intercourse against his or her will,or carry out sexual acts that are otherwise considered inappropriate by the partner, a common example of this is forcing a partner to perform oral sex against their will .A recent survey among youths in America showed that 1 in 4  girls who have been in relationships reveal they have been pressured to perform oral sex or engage in intercourse by their partners.

Emotional abusive relationships are the most common but least recognised . It involves relegating the self worth and independence of the victim by his or her partner through diverse ways like isolation and controlling behaviour

Verbal Abusive relationships which is often grouped under emotional abusive relationships but rather has a life of it's own involves yelling, name calling, shaming and blaming especially among friends and relatives. This is usually the initial form of abuse in the relationship before it steps up a notch to emotional , then sexual  and finally physical abuse.

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There are always signs of  potentially abusive relationship but are often ignored or not recognized for what they are. Here are a few of them.

A boy being a product of an abusive relationship.

1.History and  Background : People with abusive family background are more likely to be in abusive relationships than people who  haven't ever experienced abuse.There is a 60% chance that a boy who grew up in a house where his father was always putting his mother down would do the same in the nearest future,and a girl who was always caught in cross fires at a young age is more likely to be involved in an abusive relationship, there is no scientific evidence to back this up other than a noticeable generational pattern in the life of humans.

A partner that has also abused someone in the past is more likely to repeat it with another especially if he got away with the first abuse. No matter how angelic and romantic your partner seems, if he or she abused his or her last partner or ex, then it is just a matter of time before you start experiencing such if the issue is not addressed squarely.

2. Compulsive Love: There are certain subliminal actions taken by lovers that only point to the fact that they need their head checked. Most often times it is regarded as being romantic. A recent case where a man sold his own kidneys to get his girlfriend a diamond wedding ring in Ukraine is nothing short of a compulsive love. This kind of love would eventually lead to being in an abusive relationship. The issue here is , one partner loves another so much to the extent of harming himself or herself, once this gesture is not met with the presumed appropriate appreciation at any point in time in the relationship, it is immediately replaced with self loathe and loathe for the partner and   one who could harm himself would not hesitate to harm another. Being in a  relationship where a partner threatens to commit suicide if dumped is like sitting on gun powder.

NO! " Don't even ask me why.

3.Controlling Behaviour: A relationship where one partner is so insecure, he or she monitors where you go to, limits your friends and family contact, acts excessively jealous and possessive, is an abusive relationship. If at any time you feel you have to walk on egg shells around your partner or being in a constant state of fear of your partner, or unable to call your partner to order if you feel you have been wronged then you are obviously enduring an abusive relationship.

It would be cruel to write a joke here

4. Degrading attitude: If all your partner does is complain about your faults,treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see, make you feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner until you eventually start believing that you deserve to be hurt or abused by your partner, you are  in an abusive relationship.

5. Violent Nature: If your partner has a violent Nature and is prone to fights and tantrums, it may be a sign that you are in an abusive relationship. Most times it starts with others apart from you, road side strangers, office workers, subordinates, colleagues and even family members. You initially see yourself as the exception, the one who supposedly calms them down when the issues arise.As time goes on, you would also be a victim . It usually starts with a slap or a violent kick, then they immediately apologize and make up, only for it to happen again. It is advisable not to turn the other cheek in this situation.

Read:The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go

6. Verbal/Physical Torture: If your partner ever threatens to kill or hurt you and constantly yells at you , forces you to have sex in an unedifying way or goes ahead to blame you for their abusive nature. You have to run out of there while you still can before the cops are called in to identify a dead body.

or here

Being in an abusive relationship is nothing to be ashamed of, be truthful to yourself and yourself only and take the necessary steps. Here is how to get out of an abusive relationship

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THE PREGNANT WOMAN AND HER HUSBAND

One of the most remarkable period in a woman's life is her pregnancy period.It is also the most confusing period for the husband of  pregnant women. Everything changes, her face, her body, her eating ability and worst of all her patience.Here are tips for the  pregnant woman and her husband  during that crucial  time in their life– the time of pregnancy.

Husband of Pregnant women

If only you knew who the real father is

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 Back rub is a Necessity: The number one thing that  husbands of pregnant women may as well work toward getting used to doing all through your wife's pregnancy is to give her loads and loads of back rubs. Back pain in pregnant women is very common.Many women feel back pain throughout their pregnancy. In any case regardless of the fact that they don't, back rubs are a great course to help them focus  and take their brains off  the whole lot that they're going through ,more like "the whole lot that their husbands" are putting them through for instance  weight gain and the physical changes that they're experiencing.Taking time out of the day as a responsible husband of a pregnant woman  to rub his wife's back for no less than ten minutes might be a lifeline for the pregnant woman and her husband.!`

When i'm through with your back you wouldn't even feel your spine again

·  Attentiveness and empathy should be your watchword:  There are some pregnant women who have to deal with over-the-top increasing hormones, and for those ladies it is not odd to head off from being cheerful to hollering in one second even. For those husbands of pregnant women who have to experience this, attempt to take a profound breath and console  her emphatically in any method plausible. Pregnant women relish this with their husbands and will adore you more for it!

I am only doing this because i read it in a blog on empathy

· Do the Chores: Even though some wives are expected to clean the house, do the dishes, laundry, and other house chores especially when you don't have any help.Husband of pregnant women have to realize that on some days the greatest challenge of a pregnant woman is to get up out of bed throughout their pregnancy. By letting your wife unwind when she gets back from work (in the event that she works) or giving her a chance to unwind after supper instead of assuming that she'll jump right to the dishes, and doing some of the house chores yourself, is definitely a big help to those pregnant women who do find it challenging to stroll from their bedroom to the front door!

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This man must think i'm still pregnant for one more week

· Redesign the House especially the bedroom: For some women the bedroom is the sanctuary. It is where they can unwind, get rest, read a book, watch TV and of course sleep.  Changing the sheets, redecorating the room would definitely lighten her mood if it is done well.Not to mention, the type of material on the bed .. Try out Egyptian cotton or organic cotton, 1000-thread count, double-thick pillows... whatever it is... if your budget permits, get her the bed of her dreams and a comfy couch . She's the one carrying the person growing inside of her, not you the husband of the pregnant woman! That trumps anything you may have to deal with. Young Men, to be honest, you can’t imagine what it's like to have a person growing inside of you .

I read somewhere that this color calms pregnant women........Oh  it doesn't?

· Forgive her Mood swings and tantrums: If as a pregnant woman's husband you find your wife deals with mood swings during her pregnancy, forgive them immediately.

 Realize that

1) not every pregnant women deals with pregnancy the same way   2) for pregnant women and their husbands, every day may be an adventure;

 3) not everyone cares that she's pregnant... in other words, life still goes on. Bills still need to be paid, individuals still call her. and so forth. . So if she takes it out on you the husband accidentally, love her through it.. Whatever happens, don't contribute to the ball of emotions she may be dealing with. Someone needs to be the stable one and  it has to be the husband of pregnant women... deal with it. Husband, Love Your Wife... Even when She's Pregnant! Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad!, so suck it up and  work on getting both of you through the next nine months.

Please don't cry...........Okay  i would take my shirt off and dance  gangnam style!

Read about the whole thing, don't just talk to friends and family and complain of walking on egg shells, read a book and enlighten yourself about the whole thing, a  600 word blog post filled with sarcasm would not afford you all the things and little details you need to know, if you were man enough to shove a sperm down her ovaries, you should be man enough to read a book like " The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be ,  to learn  how your sperm is doing and how it is affecting her body, her life and her moods.

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CHEAP VALENTINE IDEAS- (How to celebrate valentine's day on a budget)

It is that time of the year again, where lovers all over the world exchange gifts and pleasantries due to an age long tradition that came about as a result of the great one Augustus Valentine. Every year, billions of dollars are spent on gifts to celebrate valentine’s day. A lot of websites and blogs post new and creative valentine day  ideas  and other expenditures. In case you are in-between jobs, or living on a budget and still have someone who loves you then here is how to celebrate valentine’s day without breaking your bank account which is already in the red.

1. Don't Eat out- 

Okay, this is hard but you have to understand that all the restaurants are going to be choked up any way and waiters would be on their worst behaviours, you might have to wait a while to get a seat in the cheapest of restaurants, this is assuming you have not made a reservation because you are on a budget.  A cheaper valentine day idea is to Instead eat in, you and your lover should get a valentine recipe off the internet and get the ones with cheap ingredients and make the meal together, just the two of you. It might not taste good , it might actually suck but you would learn that the beauty of valentine is doing things together.

Cheap Valentine Recipes

2.Go for a  valentine program-

A good valentine idea is to go for an admit all program or party.There are lots of cheap valentine programs, carnivals and seminars organised by churches,media outlets, schools and organisation. Most programs involve discussions, questions and relationship issues all centered on strengthening and testing your relationship. It might even be a valentine party and you can just tag along ,hoping the host would supply everything including gifts.

3.Send your messages on social media.

Here your knowledge of some graphic design would come in handy for this valentine day idea. A lady once said the best present i received from my partner was a hand drawn  lettering which read " Lola my beautiful valentine". You can also send free e-valentine cards , send  about 24, that is one every hour. Get on the internet  somewhere and send these e cards  Some sites have the option of sending it to media enabled phones. You can also write hand written notes, if you are not a poet, or writer, you can hop on the internet or like a brother once said, " copy lyrics of your favorite love song. RELATED POST: 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD DO FOR YOUR PARTNER ON VALENTINE'S DAY                                                    VALENTINE DAY FOR SINGLES

4. Pair up.

We are all trying to enjoy ourselves while waiting for the combo  package

If you happen to have friends who are also in on celebrating the valentine’s day, you can simply pair up and go for combo packages of pizzas, ice-cream .rice bowls and chicken soups. Chinese restaurants have all these packages the most, and you can never  go wrong with Chinese food until you puke  . You have to be close friends for this valentine day idea to fly and  everybody on the team has to have mutual respect and care for each other, you don’t want a  tensed up valentine dinner .

5.Buy cheap classy gifts.

Gifts for ladies like accessories, hair ornaments, clips, nail fillers, or very new looking second hand novels  (if your partner likes reading) ,simple pastries, creams etc don’t cost a fortune. If you know where to buy cheap but classy ones. A guy might need the assistance of a female in getting these really good classy gifts .Gift for guys like  boxers/briefs, underwear, simple and plain office shirts, cuff links are also very cheap especially if  you know where to look to get cheap and classy ones.

6. Postpone valentine.

If the above list doesn't sound like what you can handle then simply postpone valentine. Let something come up , fix appointments, meetings, trip or work throughout the day, call to say hello in the morning and then drown yourself in your duties, when others leave work/school  early , offer to help them with their jobs and stay there late. Then when your pockets are eating cheese cake then you can have your own valentine on say the 17^th of June, if you still have someone who loves you by then. You can never go wrong with these  cheap valentine day ideas

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