How to Handle a Cheater

how to handle a cheater. 

Whether you are male or female it is heart breaking to discover that your partner has been cheating on you. There are many ways in which you can handle this depending on the situation.

If you just caught your loved one cheating and you need to confront them it is best to take some time away before doing so. This will help you keep calmer and reduce any chances of fights.  Like on the show cheaters, the  person cheated upon already knows their partner is cheating and so knows what to do or in most cases doesn’t. They keep saying the same dumb line like “ how could you do this to me?” and  filling the air with curse words which gets bleeped out and makes the show like something meant for the deaf. The worst that can happen to someone being cheated on is to find the cheater and then put up a sob story and afterwards regret you didn’t say the right things or act the right way. There is a name they call people who throw tantrums when they catch a cheater, they are called, Losers in Love. You might consider taking a walk. It is not recommended that you drive if you are in a heightened emotional state. The worst thing you can do is to just act stupidly on impulse. You should instead go and plan on how to handle the cheater, so that maybe next time, they’ll think before they cheat.

Now here is a job well done!

                  RELATED POST: WHY CHEATERS CHEAT

 When this happens one of two things will take place: either you will talk through the issue and agree to work on it but stay together or you will be unable to stay with them and you will have to leave.

 If you are married and planning to divorce your spouse, you would need substantial evidence to nail the bastard in court  and that is if you live in a developed country, so instead of just going off in a rant, plan instead.

Way to go girl!

You might considering writing a letter instead of ranting and looking pathetic and pitiful. You can even hire someone to help put your letter in perspective. You can make a breakup video and earn some money if it goes viral. In order for you both to stay you will need to consider ways to improve communication. If you can accept that this cheating was a one-time incident and it will never happen again  then you may consider staying with your partner.  But bear in mind if this is what happens it is up to you to try and forgive your partner amidst the loss of trust and pain of heartbreak—you cannot just make them pay for their single mistake for the duration of the relationship.

If you are ready to do the time, you might go find a weapon and probably put them down through the  door of a looked bathroom door .

Be open and honest in your communication. Start by asking them why the cheating took place. There are many reasons someone might cheat but knowing why can be a big step in helping you to heal. You should then consider if the reason they cheated was in part because of some issue in your relationship. This is hard but it is often the case. If you stopped having sex because you were busy with a work promotion it may have had a bigger effect on your loved one than you realized. What might have seemed like weeks may have actually been months. Perhaps communication stopped between you too or you both let your physical appearance dwindle. We hate to admit it but physical appearance does matter a bit. Your spouse or partner may still love you for you but that does not mean that letting yourself go physical will still turn them on. You  have to be careful here because cheaters can be very cunning and manipulative and might eventually find a way of blaming the whole thing on you and you would foolishly fall for the lie. Perhaps the issue is something bigger such as a pattern of bad behavior or personal depression. Whatever the reason it is important that if you talk it out with them you actually listen. You may be surprised what you hear.

RELATED POST: HOW TO HANDLE INFIDELITY AND ADULTERY IN MARRIAGE

Taking down the other person who you partner cheated with  is the dumbest thing to do. You have no business with that person and for heaven’s sake, it might have even been anybody if you are dealing with a serial cheater.

 If you need to take breaks during the conversation because of frustration then do so. It is better that you take breaks than stand around and let your anger bubble and overflow.

If you are unable to work through these issues with communication and patience then unfortunately cheating may be the end of the relationship. You will break it off and this can be just as messy as learning to deal with the issues. You should communicate that you are unable to remain with your partner and take the steps necessary to end the relationship. For some this may be as easy as walking out the door while for others it means legal paperwork and searching for a new home.

No matter which you decide it is important that you make sure to take care of yourself emotionally. Both situations are difficult to say the least. It is not the end of the world, people cheat on people everyday even as you read this, someone is cheating on someone right now , so make sure you come out of this or stay in it with your head up. If you come out of it though, you would have done the right thing, 95% of the time.

Read :How to Catch Your Cheating Spouse: Prove Infidelity without a Shadow of a Doubt

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LETTER FROM A MISTRESS

The Mistress

Hello, Wives of our Lovers. We, Mistresses don't intentionally go hunting for your husbands, we meet them like you meet people everyday, through friends, at the supermarket, at work functions ,hell even on the side of the road. We don't always know from the get go the man is married because a lot of these brothers don't wear rings or come with a stamp saying "taken". Half the time ,he's alone, there's no trace of you, even in his car! It takes a well trained eye to spot traces of another woman, e.g seatbelt perfume, weave strands, hair oil on the headrest, etc.

My job as a mistress in your relationship is to give him a break from reality, yes, you and the kids are real but so are the bills and school fees and work stress. I'm where he de-stresses. I, the mistress know my place, trust me I do, I know to keep quiet when you call while we are together. 

I know not to spend on his credit card but to ask for cash, all this is to protect you, yes ,you, from pain, humiliation and suffering, I get a tired frustrated man and send you a well rested happy man, thank me, don't disrespect the mistress for it! Calling me won't change the fact that my clothes are expensive and my car is paid off, it won't change the fact that my university fees are paid and I get to go to the weekend conferences or boy's nights out, swearing at me won't change the fact that he grabs my headboard while he rocks my world and screams like a girl, something you probably don't even know about the man you married.

You  don't know the effort we put behind our little rendezvous just to keep your pudgy Bottom happy, and feeling secure.

Trust me, the mistress the more you come after me the more he wants me, the more money he spends on me, the more intense our sessions get.

A true mistress will never ask him to leave you, instead she encourages him to stay with you even if you have messed up badly.

We never consider getting pregnant out of fear of having to deal with your sour face for the rest of our lives. So relax, your kids are priority numero uno, even to us, we pick out the toys and clothes he shows up with, we encourage bonding time.

Consider yourself lucky if you find my number,saved in his male co-worker's or boss's name, at least you know he's taken care of when you  are tired, and he's gonna come right back once we done re-furbishing my apartment. Oh and trust me, I do the fighting for us, its my job to make sure its just us two, any others will be dealt with severely by me, so don't ruin your manicure, I get a weekly one so its okay, let me do it.

I respect you, hence I stay away from family functions and make sure I take all my stuff out of the car when I was there,

I don't call after he's left the office because I know its your turn.

I, the mistress have my own things, the rest is just a bonus for having a kind and sharing attitude, I'm a professional with a great job and earn enough, I don't have time to tend to a full time relationship, not that i have one anyway  hence i don't mind being the mistress and  I don't mind when he goes home to you.

RELATED POST: LETTER FROM A WOMANIZER | WHY CHEATERS CHEAT

My advice to you wifey is to  stay in your home, and don't pack your stuff and go tell your mom how you failed at being a wife, it just makes you look silly and weak and our man needs strong women around him. Look after your kids, tend to your home, cook those hearty meals you are so famous for, I can't cook with these nails. Don't ask about me, he's just going to lie and toss and turn in bed thinking about me in my Victoria secret set he bought me for valentines day.As you know, the mistress always gets the sexy stuff. Let me be, I will leave on my own accord one day, when i get tired of being his mistress.

If you don't we might just  trade places and you are going to blame  everyone but yourself for taking his heart from you. I don't intend to, I would rather spend my time and money on expensive holidays with our man. Truth is, I make him feel good, I'm a reminder of when he was young and I do all the things you are afraid to do, or just won't do because you believe you are past that, I'm forever young and I compliment him, you suit him, trust me honey, there is a huge difference.

I respect marriage and all it stands for, that's why I'm doing my part to help yours stay together, so don't think just because i'm a mistress I don't, I respect the nice thing you have done and I love your kids too much to hurt them. Don't cry over me, or what we do, let it be, play your part and I will do what I'm supposed to do.

Yours (and your mans)

The Hot Lady who lives across your street.


Read more from the Confessions of a Mistress

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WHY CHEATERS CHEAT

There are cheaters and there are womanizers. In the morality court, womanizers seem to always get the bail. Womanizers make up their mind on what to do , cheaters simply cheat. Cheaters never win.Cheaters seem to live their whole life keeping up appearances, watching over their shoulders and constantly living a lie. But why do cheaters cheat?. Simple they are called cheaters, so they cheat. Womanizers know what they want, their freedom, sense of choice and variety e.t.c, cheaters know everything but not what they really want.

RELATED POST: LETTER FROM A WOMANIZER

1. Neglect or feeling of Neglect:    

Most cheaters cheat because they feel neglected in their relationships. The feeling of neglect means literally that the cheater feels their emotional, material , sexual  needs have not been met by their partners and in some cases, it may not be true.

2. Boredom and Lack of Variety: 

Womanizers become cheaters most of the time when they are in a monogamous relationship because they get  used to variety of the past, being with several mates without any strings attached. This goes both ways for men and women and the fact that no strings are attached to the sexual activities makes it even less guilt ridden and easier.

I wonder what Rodrigo is doing right now, if he was here
he would sing to me and say dirty things.

3. Loss of passion and attractiveness: 

Cheaters cheat on their partners often times because they feel less attracted to their partners like they once did. The indifference to physical appearance after  some time in a relationship can do a lot of harm to the relationship. Instances when the partners get so used to themselves and the routine their whole relationship has now become that they  lose the drive to constantly look and feel attractive and romantic to their partners might lead one partner to cheat. Cheaters cheat at times because the spark they once enjoyed in their relationship has fizzled away with time. The “spark” is usually as a result of endorphin released by the brain when one falls in love as time goes and the relationship continues, the biochemical  environment in the brain slowly changes.

4. Loss of respect and appreciation: 

Cheaters cheat often times when they feel they are no longer appreciated in their relationship. No one is drooling on them anymore. This particularly affects the men . They sometimes cheat to find some kind of validation in their bruised ego and masculinity. Their present relationship has figuratively picked them up and sat them down and called them a “sissy” but they are too much of a  coward to bail  but instead chose to find some kind of validation by cheating.

5. Fun in the chase: 

Cheaters cheat at times just because of the fun they get from the whole game of cheating, cheaters sometimes get addicted to the adrenaline rush that accompanies the act of cheating. The fear of getting caught, the task of keeping the cheating a secret and living the double life without any hiccups.  The act of cheating has been proved to make men‘s brain work twice as effective as it would have done if they were faithful in a monogamous relationship. Some people become addicted to this and just always want to cheat in a relationship ,just as bad as a junkie needs cocaine.

This is always fun

until this happens

6. Parasitic relationships: 

Cheaters cheat oftentimes because they are in parasitic relationships or are parasitic kind of people, who go into relationships only for their own selfish personal benefits. In such situations, cheaters could care less about the well being or needs of their partner and would cling on to as many people that can give them what they want, when they want it, and how they want it. A more English Appropriate name for this parasites is narcissist. Narcissist are sometimes born not only made.

+2% every time he get his heart broken.

RELATED POST: PARASITIC RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU IN ONE?

7. No deal breaker:

 Cheaters cheat often times because some relationships are entered into without proper communication of  the deal breakers. They often get tempted to sway  when they find someone eccentric but with no knowledge of deal breakers in the relationship which has been properly communicated, cheaters sometimes cheat because they think they can eat their cake and have it.

Cheaters usually receive the short end of the stick, because when they get caught , they tend to lose all, fill themselves with regret and remorse and watch their whole lives tear apart. Cheaters however in some cases need to undergo therapy and counseling and maybe someday there would be a rehab for cheaters because at least they have a show on international television. If you have been cheated on here is how to handle infidelity. If you plan on cheating, here is a word for you from Jesus Christ, "What you are about to do, do quickly."

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