Letter to My Little Daughter

D

ear Cutie-Pie,

Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.”

It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.

And I got angry.

Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.”

Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)

RELATED POST: GROWING UP FATHERLESS, LESSONS I LEARNT

If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.

Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be kept interested, because he knows you are interesting:

I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.

I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.

I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.

I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.

I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.

I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.

I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.

RELATED POST:LETTER TO MY UNBORN CHILD

In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:

You.

Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you.

Your eternally interested guy,

Daddy

.

This letter was written by Dr Kelly Flanagan.

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The Gay Father

The Gay Father.

Anne couldn't believe her eyes. Is that Eric?. It can’t be possible. Eric Meyers had been missing for 16 years and has been legally pronounced dead. He had gone for a Conference in San Diego and had checked out of the hotel on the first day of the conference, that was 16 years ago. Eric Meyers had a wife, Anne and five kids. Two girls Kristen and Erin and three boys adopted from Vietnam.  The family had prayed and hoped that he would return or that his lifeless body would at least be found, but it never happened. They then filed for the life insurance money and were paid $800,000 which was kept in trust for only the two girls. I guess they figured out the boys can go back to Vietnam. Eric Meyers reappeared after 16 years with a husband in tow, stating that all those years , he was living a lie and was actually a gay father.

The most interesting issue here is that Eric and Anne were High school sweethearts and had gone to the altar right out of high school. This further proves what we already know that high school love is  doomed and marriage out of high school is the biggest mistake you can ever make. They were fervent Christians, the ole traditional ones who  didn't believe a woman was meant for college, at least that is what Eric thought. Anne would hear nothing of that, as her mind was made up to go to college.

 Okay now, we have to tell you ladies, that any man that prevents you from doing things like going to college or taking up a job might not be a gay father but he is an asshole, and such husband needs to hit the road.

Eric complained of being in a dead beat marriage to friends and not being able to talk his wife , Anne out of going to college and worst still, divorce was not an option, because they were devout Christians.

So Eric Meyer decided to hit the road to San Diego and take his heart along with him, in search for what he always wanted, penises. He soon chased it down to Mexico, the warm sandy beaches of Cabo all the way back to palm Springs in California. In retrospect, this was God’s way of saving the butt holes of the three Vietnamese boys according to a random guy.

Anne was devastated but, eventually went to college and remarried. Kristen however, received the short end of the stick as she resorted to alcohol to help her get through each day, she only recently quit to comfort her mother.

RELATED POST:  LESSONS LEARNT FROM GROWING UP  FATHERLESS

One fateful day, friends of Eric Meyer received a cryptic message in their inbox, asking ” would you be curious in knowing what happened to Eric Meyers?”. That was it, Eric Meyers was back but now as a full blown homosexual with a husband in tow and went to see his mother , who immediately forgave him, because mothers are forgiving machines. His friends too, welcomed him back but his family would not agree to see him.

He is the one in a white hoodie.

Now the insurance company is suing for not only the $800,000, but also for the interests it has generated. The missing persons unit are livid that this occurrence would slow down the zeal and enthusiasm of searching for missing men without a trace.

The family had done nothing wrong but they have been hurt emotionally upon losing  a father and husband and now they have been hurt yet again but this time, emotionally and financially by their gay father.

The right thing to do here is for the deadbeat gay father to pay the child support for those kids to their mother , and since there was never a divorce, Anne should sue him for going against the marriage oath but she would still have to pay back the insurance company because the man is not dead. The worst thing that can happen to a woman is not that she marries a gay man but that he ran away and appears 16 years later because according to him to live in disguise is a horrible thing. You can check Eric Meyers gay life on lungmeyers.com and you would find his email there, where you can tell him whatever you want to.

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Role of a Father

What exactly are the roles of a father?

Below are the roles of a father;

1. Good Example

A father is like a book his kids read,a film his kids watch and a mascot whose  actions and deeds are emulated consciously or unconsciously. The role of a father is to be a good example in character, in conversation, in  actions and deeds... Live an exemplary life.Don't forget child training has more to do with your lifestyle than what you tell them i.e it has more to do with what they see than what they hear, that is why you must be a good example to them.

Now you know, he's gonna shave those pubes off his head.

2. Spiritual Leader

The role of a father is to help his kids develop a sense of spirituality which would subsequently help in leading a responsible and discreet life. 'The fear of God, they say is the beginning of wisdom'.

Be mindful not to transfer religion but faith 

3. Provider

A father should be the  bread winner of the house, or at least the one that brings the jam to go with the bread.It is  a  responsibility , if you have to be force by to pay child support  then you cannot call  yourself a father.

Provide them food, shelter and clothing. The best thing, however is the provision of quality education and skill acquisition. A man whose kids have no education or skills has failed in his role as a father, no matter how much money he spends on them.

It doesn't count if you are feeding a sleeping  baby

4. Protector

It is the role  of a father  to protect his family. Protect them from the  vices of this world, stand up and defend your family when necessary. A man once died while trying to prevent armed robbers from raping his wife, he said i can't watch it happen, i'll rather die, he killed two of them, before he was shot dead and they were unable To rape the woman. The wife said 'my husband died a hero', and she would never forget that. That family will forever be proud of their father, that is a real Father!Render selfless service to your family.

This is like the coolest dad in the world

5. Instructor

Being an instructor is one of the roles of a father. The free fall life leads to destruction. Life has a set of rules and principles to live by, at a young age, a father is to instill this principles in his kid.

Always remember, you must not date an american  but a chinese girl and you  must learn the kung fu.

6. Playmate

It is not only your wife you have to play with, also play with your kids. Take time  out to take strolls , play games,  take them out to the cinemas,  take them shopping, spend vacations  together because those moments would be cherished for life.Don't forget the birthdays, the graduations, the first day at school, Christmas, that's what creates fun memories.

nice dad.

7. LOVE

The greatest gift a father can offer his children is to love their mother. Love  your kids and their mother, be a good listener, let them feel the fatherly warmth and embrace.

  A friend once said,

"I remember  a day, i was mad at my dad and i refused to come home, it was getting late and he was concerned, i refused to pick his calls, then he sent me a text telling me how much he loves me, he pleaded that i should come home so we can settle. I read the text  and tears flowed freely down my cheeks and then i returned home. When i got home he embraced me and said he was sorry, i was like i love you too dad.... I still have that text on my phone, read it about a thousand times, i still  cherish it."

" Say the  three magical words, i  love you,  it works like magic.

Now you know, you are going to be back in the hospital very soon.

Fathers, your child needs you, your wife needs you, your family needs you, and the society needs you. The kids make up the family, the family in constitute the society, our society defines the Nation and the world at large.

The role of a father is to a responsible father, a point of reference and most of all someone your family is proud of. Read 52 Things Kids Need from a Dad: What Fathers Can Do to Make a Lifelong Difference

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GROWING UP FATHERLESS. Lessons I learnt.

Growing up Fatherless, lessons I learnt.

I knew my father for only 13 years . The first 13 years of my life. I knew him as a troubled man, a man with very short temper and a man who really didn't love anyone or himself. I knew him as a man who you never wanted to cross paths with, because he never forgave a wrong, he never forgot to revenge. My parents had been in a battle for as long as I could remember over what I didn't really know. It always ended with my mum crying and cursing.

Eventually it happened , we came back home and we didn't find dad, he had left and we didn’t know where he was. He didn't want to be found, that was it. Few weeks after that, we realized he had sold the house we lived in and we had to move out within a space of 2 days.We had to live with friends till we found a place of our own. That was 17 years ago. I grew up fatherless, not one day hearing from him or seeing him, it was like he died and the memory of him began to die. Here are lessons I learnt from growing up fatherless.


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1# Having a caring father is a plus but at the end of the  day, only you determine how your life is going to be.

My father was not totally useless, even though he abandoned us and never showed up in our lives. He was useful as a bad example. He was someone I never wanted to be, and so every day I woke up with the renewed zeal to thread a different path. He was a drunk, I never tasted alcohol, he was a wife beater, I never even fought with women, he was temperamental, I went for anger management classes. He  hated spirituality, i found my purpose in the spirit world. A lot of people let their parent’s fault determine their lives. They hate their parents because of their faults instead of battling those exact same faults in themselves. It is a known fact that most kids from dysfunctional homes end up in dysfunctional homes themselves.

2# Faster mental maturity become inevitable.

Being the only male in the house, I had to immediately step up and handle manly duties. I became a husband to my mum, I handled all manly duties around the house. I became mentally more matured than all my friends . I had to learn to make money for myself and my family, to manage the little we had at all times . I made mistakes and learnt from them immediately. I had help from uncles, neighbors and community but at the end of the day. I’m still more mentally matured than most of my mates.

#3 The emptiness never goes away.

There was a construction site down the street when I was about 14 years old. My cousins and I used to go there everyday after school and hang around a crane operator named James. He would talk to us and ask us about school and show an interest in us. He would waddle boats out of pieces of wood and put them in the standing water. When he said this is what he did with his own kids a wave of jealousy went right through my soul. I looked forward to seeing James everyday. One day he told us tomorrow was his last day and he would be leaving. He took us all out for ice cream. I was so emotionally sick I refused to have any. I went back the next day and he was gone. I cried for a week. The emptiness that I felt that day has never gone away. I am married with children who I love very much and have willingly sacrificed for to give them the best life possible, but the emptiness has never subsided. I was given a taste of what having a father would have been like and I know what I missed out on.

#4 Being a man isn't a matter of physical strength

 or how much you can drink and mouth off in the bar, it’s a matter of doing the best you can and treating people with respect, and being there for your family. I learned how to do my own home renos and repairs,  how to cook for the entire family when needed, and how to support my kids in their activities and interests.

#5 There would always be other fathers.

I have come to realize that there would always be fathers, there would always be men at one time or the other that would fill the gap of a father in your life. Nature has it's way of ensuring that, they may not be there for a long time, like a  biological father would but they would be there , when it matters the most. It may be hard when you are young and in your teens but as you grow older, you have to find those fathers yourself, they may be inspirational speakers, television characters, talk show hosts, pastors, blog writers or the old man in the neighborhood. They may not know you directly but their words, their materials, their charisma and character would influence you to be a better person.

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#6 I've learnt to vote for me.

All my life,I've always tried to measure up, to take care of everyone, my siblings, my cousins, because everyone always told me to be a man. I've always put my emotions, hurts and feelings inside while trying to ensure that everyone was okay. It happened with my mum but now, i realized, that i was hurt being in that house, experiencing all that fight, watching my mum get beat down and i can't carry it on with me anymore. I had to open my heart, talk about my pain and HEAL!

Read : Fatherless Sons: Healing the Legacy of Loss

Most importantly I know, I would never allow my kids to grow up fatherless, even if I die, I have friends who could be father figures for my kids.

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