HOW TO HANDLE INFIDELITY AND ADULTERY IN MARRIAGE

infidelity ,adultery in marriage Honey, i see you've met Cassandra
                                                  she is our new sex therapist.

The pain caused by infidelity is like the pain you get when you are stabbed by a blunt Knife. The causes of infidelity in a marriage are quite exhaustive ranging from low self esteem, neglect, pervertedness etc. While infidelity is of different forms the generally regarded act of infidelity is sex. The road to recovery is a very long and tortuous one but with determination, courage and perseverance,it can be attained.
Here are a few steps to take after you have discovered any form of infidelity in your marriage
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1.Discovery 

When you find out that  your partner has been unfaithful, A switch that triggers potent emotions like rage, shock, depression, shame and anger would automatically be turned on. All these emotions  would take over in a matter of hours after the confirmation. You would most likely be overwhelmed with the thought of ending the marriage; then, next moment you might become desperate in saving it. At such instance, you need to calm down and  take things calmly.You have to first understand that it is not your fault. There is no excuse so great as to make anyone cheat on the vow made before God and Man. You might find yourself in a pool of questions, but answers might not come your way. 

2. Space . 

It can be an intense circumstance to discover the affair. When emotions are high, it is best that you give each other space or  timeout from each other so you can let the fire die down without hurting one another. Especially if children are involved. Children get worried easily and so you wouldn't want to trouble them with this issue. 

3.Seek Counsel. 

If you have discovered that your partner is unfaithful , you have to tell someone.This is something that you should and need not go through all by yourself. More than ever, it is at this moment when you need to confide and share your thoughts and feelings to  a trusted counselor or spiritual leader. Their nonjudgmental and objective insights will help you in clearing your head. You will be able to  get your life together , calm down and heal faster to put the affair on the right perspective. 

4.Take Time.

You should not be in a hurry to delve into sensitive details of this infidelity. You have to give  it time . Time to heal , time to weigh your options , time to make a decision, time to be okay. Discussions should be deferred until both of you can  converse positively without prejudice or judgement.

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5.Making Amends

Recovery from an affair is not simple. It is a process that will go on and on until the wounds have healed and  the final shards of pain has been eliminated . To help you in the process of healing, you must take the necessary steps. 

6.Taking Responsibility.

 If you were the one who cheated, you have to take the responsibility for the wrong actions you have done. Taking responsibility is understanding that you have faltered and there is no excuse, it is not about pushing or passing the blame or trying to vindicate yourself while in harms' way. You must end the  affair; stopping any interaction and communication with the third party involved. 

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7. Honesty. 

When  you have recovered from the initial shock then you can deal with the problem at hand with a positive attitude; discuss and talk about what took place. You should be honest and open and true to yourself even if it is very difficult to talk or to listen because of the intense pain. 

8.Losing to Win.

 Saving the marriage after acts of infidelity is something that both  parties need to agree upon without compromise and set deal breakers. It is not  right or wise that you are the only one who wants the marriage to continue while your spouse actually wants  out. If things are going this way, then the marriage is good as ended. The recovery and settlement of things may take long. Nonetheless, if you share a common goal of reconciliation, you can both give your utmost commitment, energy and time to help each other heal.

READ:After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful,.

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DRIVERS' LICENSE VS MARRIAGE LICENSE

What is a  marriage license?.

A marriage license is a document issued, either by a church or state authority, authorizing a couple to marry. 

Marriage license

Drivers license

 A driver's license is an official document which states that a person may operate a motorized vehicle, such as a motorcycle, car, truck or a bus, on a public roadway.

Below are 10 differences between the two.

¨ A Driver’s License  is obtained to move any vehicle  for a period of 4 years but a  marriage license  is used to “move” only one  person until death do them part. It is more like having a license to drive only one car, not only does the car belong to you, it also bears you name, while this makes marriage look like a dead end adventure. Marriage is one of the greatest things in life, if done in the right way with God's laid down principles.

¨  A driver’s license expires after 4 years  and most be renewed but a Marriage license lasts for life even after divorce, death is the only thing that do them apart. What is marriage, marriage is a promise and oath made by two willing parties before God to stay with each other, love and nurture each other till death do them part, while some marriages have gone on record for lasting 6 hours to 72 days, it is pertinent to note that even a divorce does not necessary render a marriage license null and void, that is why you should never jump into marriage. 

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¨ For ladies a marriage license would change your name , group and sometimes even your location, this is not so for a driver’s license.The drivers license would simply help you move yourself from place to place.

¨ A driver’s license is country specific, in some countries, even state or province specific ,  that is license can't be used in another state or country different from the one in which it was issued. but, a marriage license is for all weather, all places , all countries. Well except of course the unnatural kinds of marriages which are being criminalized in some countries or simply not recognized in others. 

¨ A driver’s license  is for one person whose face appear on the card, a marriage license is for two whose faces do not appear on the card but have hundreds of people or  at least one to bear witness to the issuance.

¨ A driver’s license can only be issued to persons above 17, for a marriage license age is just a number whether high or low.Although it is outrightly uncalled for, for a marriage to be conducted between willling or non willing parties under the age of 18. This is not permissible in some countries but a practice in others, ever heard of the word" Child brides"

¨ To obtain a driver’s license, a man or woman is supposed to test drive , though as we have come to know, this is not obtainable in some countries, especially African Countries but for a marriage license “test driving” is a sin in religious circles and is not a guarantee to marriage in secular circles. 

¨ While a driver’s license is a standard form of identification, a marriage license isn’t.

¨ A marriage license is issued after a promise to love, hold and cherish but a driver license is issued even if you are  going to end up bashing your car. There is no promise to protect or care for your car, as long as you have indicated that you understand the laws governing driving in that country. While you could get yourself arrested for disobeying the driving laws , there is no immediate close-up monitoring to ensure that you are fully adhering to the marriage vows that you swore.

¨ With a valid driver’s license, the road safety marshals would leave you alone but even with a marriage license you cannot be guaranteed to be left alone by people who “want to reap where they did not sow”, the unmarried, the greedy and the lustful. Marriage is not a way of getting away from " the chasers". That you have to handle yourself.

MARRIAGE WITHOUT A LICENSE: A Completely Moral Alternative to Civil Marriage

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