mistake ~ ElijahForce mistake
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Sunday, 10 February 2013

HOW TO HANDLE INFIDELITY AND ADULTERY IN MARRIAGE



Infidelity, adultery ,marriage how to handle
infidelity ,adultery in marriage Honey, i see you've met Cassandra
                                                  she is our new sex therapist.




The pain caused by infidelity is like the pain you get when you are stabbed by a blunt Knife. The causes of infidelity in a marriage are quite exhaustive ranging from low self esteem, neglect, pervertedness etc. While infidelity is of different forms the generally regarded act of infidelity is sex. The road to recovery is a very long and tortuous one but with determination, courage and perseverance,it can be attained.
Here are a few steps to take after you have discovered any form of infidelity in your marriage
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1.Discovery 

When you find out that  your partner has been unfaithful, A switch that triggers potent emotions like rage, shock, depression, shame and anger would automatically be turned on. All these emotions  would take over in a matter of hours after the confirmation. You would most likely be overwhelmed with the thought of ending the marriage; then, next moment you might become desperate in saving it. At such instance, you need to calm down and  take things calmly.You have to first understand that it is not your fault. There is no excuse so great as to make anyone cheat on the vow made before God and Man. You might find yourself in a pool of questions, but answers might not come your way. 

2. Space . 

It can be an intense circumstance to discover the affair. When emotions are high, it is best that you give each other space or  timeout from each other so you can let the fire die down without hurting one another. Especially if children are involved. Children get worried easily and so you wouldn't want to trouble them with this issue. 

3.Seek Counsel. 

If you have discovered that your partner is unfaithful , you have to tell someone.This is something that you should and need not go through all by yourself. More than ever, it is at this moment when you need to confide and share your thoughts and feelings to  a trusted counselor or spiritual leader. Their nonjudgmental and objective insights will help you in clearing your head. You will be able to  get your life together , calm down and heal faster to put the affair on the right perspective. 


4.Take Time.

You should not be in a hurry to delve into sensitive details of this infidelity. You have to give  it time . Time to heal , time to weigh your options , time to make a decision, time to be okay. Discussions should be deferred until both of you can  converse positively without prejudice or judgement.


5.Making Amends

Recovery from an affair is not simple. It is a process that will go on and on until the wounds have healed and  the final shards of pain has been eliminated . To help you in the process of healing, you must take the necessary steps. 

6.Taking Responsibility.

 If you were the one who cheated, you have to take the responsibility for the wrong actions you have done. Taking responsibility is understanding that you have faltered and there is no excuse, it is not about pushing or passing the blame or trying to vindicate yourself while in harms' way. You must end the  affair; stopping any interaction and communication with the third party involved. 

RELATED POST: SIGNS OF INFIDELITY

7. Honesty. 

When  you have recovered from the initial shock then you can deal with the problem at hand with a positive attitude; discuss and talk about what took place. You should be honest and open and true to yourself even if it is very difficult to talk or to listen because of the intense pain. 

8.Losing to Win.

 Saving the marriage after acts of infidelity is something that both  parties need to agree upon without compromise and set deal breakers. It is not  right or wise that you are the only one who wants the marriage to continue while your spouse actually wants  out. If things are going this way, then the marriage is good as ended. The recovery and settlement of things may take long. Nonetheless, if you share a common goal of reconciliation, you can both give your utmost commitment, energy and time to help each other heal.

READ:After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful,.



Wednesday, 9 January 2013

WHEN BOYS BECOME MEN: 10 MISTAKES MEN MAKE




WHEN BOYS BECOME MEN: 10 MISTAKES MEN MAKE


Most of the mistakes men make today are the ones they were never taught to avoid as boys.  It is inevitable, man would grow and when he does  it is usually beyond most people’s expectation, because humans are always in the habit of using a singular moment of one’s life in predicting every other period of the  person’s life, talk about mistakes men make, forgetting the fact that seasons change and so does circumstances.  Opportunity arises and status change. With hard work, time, chance, prayer and opportunity, boys become self-sufficient but time after time, they are ten crucial mistakes men make which is repeated generation after generation. Here we count them down.
10 .   THEY GET FAT: 
fat black man
Fat black man-

fat black man
Fat man-I am wearing double coated spandex

Boys after they begin to earn some money and generally leave school, begin to eat more, as they have more money to spend and most of the time their jobs deprives them of constant exercise which was normally done in school when reading, walking from one lecture theatre to the other, eating moderately and all was the order of the day. It is also pertinent to note that the African society also encourages this mistake men make, they see a man with bulging stomach as a well fed man. As a result our young handsome boys go out of shape and become heap loads of junk. This is a great mistake because the disadvantages far outweighs the advantages, apart from the fact that people may tend to respect you more because you look older than your age (fatter), you are causing great hazards to yourself and this would really begin to show when you hit 40. Apart from the general weakness ,laziness and constant sweating  associated with fat, bad breath, arthritis , high blood pressure, hypertension, muscles cramps and all would definitely shorten the life of an obese ,unfit and lazy man .This is by far the commonest and deadliest one of all the mistakes men make . Ask yourself, have you ever seen a fat old lady or a fat old man? We are talking 70s and 80s. Only in literature books, what happened to the fat ones? They are dead. The typical black man associates eating with enjoyment, most people across the world eat to stay alive and give them nutrients, but over here most people just make their meal sections a knock out section. Eat moderately, lay off alcohol and exercise. Don’t make this mistake men make.
9. SPEND MONEY ON GIRLFRIENDS: 

Flirt
Now I get all the love i missed in my childhood even
though i have to pay.
When boys become young men, most of them refuse to get married or as it is sometimes called “settle down”  but prefer to have string of girlfriends who would ask them for recharge cards, allowances ,vacation trips, house rents and all. They extend their bachelorhood, claiming they are trying to find the right person, or they are not ready to settle down yet. This mistake men make leads to the loss of valuable resources which would otherwise have helped build a family. Ladies always like flocking around young men for one benefit or the other and most young men, waste their time and money enjoying the attention.

8. REFUSING TO GROW UP: 
childish man
The boy man- Who needs a life when you have video games?
There is a bit of immaturity in every male child. It is common to see young men, do all the things they were not allowed to do as kids, continuing in their childhood behaviours because they are now on their own. It is not uncommon to see young men who hitherto have never kept late nights, always rose up earlier, dressed moderately, used clean language , drove cars carefully, change all because there is no longer a strong parental or mentor presence. They go ahead to counter that verse that says the child that is trained in a certain way would not depart from it. This mistake men make results in the young men finally learning for themselves why they were prevented from hitherto living their lives according to their juvenile thoughts and spontaneous behaviours and even though experience is said to be the best teacher, some things (circumstances) are better,” not experienced”. Don’t make this mistake men make.
boy man
  or a wife?

7. BID FAREWELL TO SPIRITUALITY:  “ boys  would always be boys”, this statement seem to accept the shortcomings of the male and even give room for  the mistakes men make by the concluding nature of it. Boys would not always be boys, there would be a time when they would become men, and in the bible which we always reference, we read the phrase “ and I sought for a man” not a boy. Most young men make the mistake of abandoning the things of God and relieving themselves of the devotion to his word and all forms of spirituality. It is a fact that boys don’t go to places of worship as much as their female counterparts, but it becomes even worse when there is a job or a commitment somewhere else, these men would give their best in their respective jobs but become visiting Christians in church .  The problem with this is that they lose the cover and power enjoyed from continuous fellowship with God and they unconsciously expose their lives and families to danger and also let their spirit man die leading to grievous results. This is also one of the deadliest mistakes men make, forgetting the fact that man is a spirit being and we need to nurture our spirituality as much as our body.
This is also a game in Japan involving chains and a ball

6. CHANGE THEIR BELIEFS: This mistake men make is just like the previous, but it is of a different form, when boys become men, one of the greatest mistake men make is that they change their beliefs and conviction over certain germane issues. This is mainly due to the environment they find themselves, where they see people who are somewhat of a success story in their chosen career who don’t have the same principles as they do but still seem to be succeeding. So issues such as  immorality, womanising, alcohol ingestion, corporate lie telling , ruthlessness and all others like it are imbibed into their once squeaky clean personality, because since the boss is doing it, “what is good for the goose is also good for the gender?. The problem with this is that such people end up being victims of demonic oppression and soul harvesting. They miss out on God’s own  blessing for their lives  which added no sorrow.

5. WASTE RESOURCES ON CHILDHOOD FANTASIES: 
childhood fantasies
All I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe(logram)
it is not uncommon to see young men, who waste their hard earned money on childhood fantasies and forming of new expensive habits.  This is usually fuelled by the pop culture and entertainment world motivation. It is pertinent to note that most young men are not financially wise, that includes even the ones that work in financial institutions. Instead of constant investing of excess cash, they waste them getting things they have craved for when they were much younger not knowing that their expenditure is bound to increase with the advent of a personal family. It is not uncommon to see young men who are regarded by the public as being in a well-paid job borrowing money before pay day. This is a very common mistake men make and it leads them to poverty and makes them end up as irresponsible husbands and fathers.
4. KEEP UP WITH THE JONESES: Most young men get into unnecessary rivalry and contest with friends, being the first to buy a car or spend money on an expensive item; most times it is usually done unconsciously which makes it very difficult to curb. The problem with this mistake men make is that the young man loses sense of purpose for his life and makes silly and childish decisions which leads to a lot of regrets and problems in the future.
3. MARRY BY LUST, (HER RACKS ARE  BIGGER) : 
Lust of the flesh
Lust- I know you are not right for me, but just look at you
Who cares?
one of the global errors made by the male folk is judging the opposite sex by their physical appearance.  When you go to the grocery store  to buy Apple, it is very common to pick the apple that looks fine and smooth but in some cases some of them would end up harbouring soft brown patches when eaten. That is how humans are .it would be so silly for any man to get in a relationship with any one just because of their looks or physical attributes. There is no face so beautiful that would not have wrinkles later on, likewise every other part. Every young man is to seek God’s face and find inner piece concerning his intended spouse, if God doesn't say yes don’t take them to the altar. Pray to know God’s will concerning your intended spouse and he would answer you speedily. When men marry based on lust, they expose themselves to a troubled marriage and future, because the marriage lasts longer than the lust and when what brought you together is no more. The marriage becomes a living hell. Don’t make this mistake men make.
2. BECOME PROUD: 
I hope this picture is good enough to let people know i make 6 figures.
 Young men change with changing status, the male is naturally born with ego and this skyrockets when he starts getting some favourable returns in his line of business or chosen career. It is common to see young men, who listen to nobody, seeks advice from nobody and generally do things their own way. They gauge themselves by themselves for themselves. They understand not that there is nothing man has in this world that he has not been given, that the race is not for the swift but it is the Lord who shows mercy to man. They continue in their state of pride and become enemies of God, because our God , the only living God hates the proud with a passion and he brings them low, and who can save you , if God is the one bringing you down?. Another way to put this is that  the forces of nature would constantly go against the proud.

1. DEPEND ON THE ARM OF FLESH: Men are very practical creatures, and so they like being logical and realistic in all they do, but in all their logic they sometimes  leave out their lives when dealing with God. They separate their work from God not knowing that God is as concerned about their work , their life and all as much as he is concerned about their soul. So they look unto certain people for something and  leave God out of it. They rely on connections, contacts and groups for certain advancements in their lives while they look up to God only for their soul nourishment. They take up jobs, appointments, contracts and get married without seeking the mind of God, and letting God lead them in life. This is a very grievous mistake , because God created man and has the blueprint of his life with him. Man in himself doesn’t know his full potential, he only just tries to discover it day after day. God knows man’s destiny and can also direct him in what to do and what not to do.  This is totally summed up in proverbs 3: 1-8. Don’t make this mistake men make. The result of young men doing things on their own can be derived from this above passage as short life, poverty, disfavour, bad name in the sight of God and man, crooked paths , ill health and weak bones.
Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter, fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgement including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.