LETTER TO THE GIRL I NEVER CALLED BACK

Letter to the Girl I never called back.

Hello Lady,

I know by now, you must have  been desperately waiting for my call, checking your phone every other minute only to discover , it’s some dumb telemarketer on the phone. Well, I’ve got news for you, stop waiting. The call is never coming, at least not from me. I would not want to tell you the same old story that dick heads tell you, you know, the “it’s me ,not you” excuse. No!, I would be bold enough to out rightly tell you, it’s you.

First of all, I don’t know how much belief you have in online dating but I think you pushed it way too far looking for a life partner. I know it works for a lot of people but for an average fun seeking guy like me, it was a fun seeking adventure and your profile did justice to that, you seemed to be fun giving and adventurous.  Judging by your picture of your visit to Ibiza, I felt you would be as free as a bird. Meeting you changed all that feeling, you literally came with a brush and a canvas to paint the future you wanted right now, picket fence, a house, kids, a cat and some other very random stuff. 

                                 LETTER FROM A WOMANIZER

 I applaud you for that but maybe you should have taken a second look at my profile picture and taken time to read my profile. Nothing serious really meant nothing serious. I wasn’t looking for someone to hold my hand and walk with me into the sunset, I was looking for someone who would be lying naked by my side at sunrise. Someone I would watch and admire as the sunrays through the window kisses her skin while I get ready to go to work, hoping that we could do this some other time. Going to the movies alone can be somewhat boring, and sometimes going with my male friends or co-workers for the 100^th time becomes monotonous like working in a cookie cutter factory. I wanted a friend with benefits, no strings attached, no expectations but you came with all the strings, asking me for my responses in certain situations. Nobody wants a date to feel like an Oprah interview, certainly not me.

Secondly, I don’t know if anyone has ever told you but you have a real anger problem, you spent half of the date, picking offenses with all the waiters and even the couple who sat behind you. The waiters were clearly dumb but on a first date it’s not very appropriate to come off as condescending and racist, it just rubbed me wrong and then you wouldn’t shut up about Jamie. Originally I thought Jamie was your close girl friend or God Forbid, your ex but in retrospect I would have preferred that Jamie was either of them and not some hybrid feline. Like I said, I’m allergic to cats, not the clinical kind of allergy but just the logical kind, that just believes cats and humans have nothing to do with each other and I believe cats are pissed that they have become some kind of prop in our narcissistic lives.

I hope you conquer your demons but I wouldn’t want to be any part of that. The reason I’m writing this letter is because I suddenly lost your number with a self-erasing app  that was recently installed on my phone (okay I’m just trying to be civil) and believe me if I run into you and pretend that I didn’t see you. Take good care of yourself and please chop off those bangs, they are hideous.

Read More

LETTER TO MY UNBORN CHILD (BY AN AFRICAN MAN)

My child,

Its just over 31 months since walking down the aisle with your mom, reciting our vows before God and Man. Since then we've been waiting patiently for you. Sometimes we wonder what's taking you so long, we then conclude that it's probably because you are a very special child. We know deep down in our hearts that your arrival is closer than we think but you don't have to  keep us waiting anymore.

We've had our fair share of  " being on the safer side" in making your coming unhindered and quick. I have been  tested on several occasions with a clean sheet,having millions of you inside me. Mummy has been  tested too and she has no cysts, no fibroids and what not. And we have sown seeds financially and otherwise investing in other children while following a  plethora of advice on what and what not's. We have not allowed our expectations to metamorphose into anxiety… yet we still await your arrival.

 Mummy needs you! Daddy needs you! Everyone needs you! There is just something about the African culture and the African woman that has made having you a certificate of completeness. You are the very person she needs right now. She has God, she has me, but she needs you to balance the equation. She has heard how discomfiting pregnancy can be... and how  painful a natural birth is. but I can tell you that she is ready to go through all of that and more just to have you. 

Mummy G , who you would eventually know as your aunty,that has a 3yr-old and a 2yr-old just gave birth another 2 months ago. Mummy T, another one of them, that has a 2yr+ old is already carrying another. These people live in the same compound with  your mummy. In fact, your uncle and aunty that married after your mummy and daddy already hold their children in their hands. 

Granddaddy and Grandmummy are not putting mummy under pressure. They call her from time to time to encourage her to be patient. My siblings and hers do the same too. But little by little, mummy is beginning to put herself under pressure. I am doing everything I can to help her, but I need you to help me.

 I want you with the last drop of my blood. I love you so much my heart literally aches sometimes. Children’s day was celebrated yesterday in church and it was beautiful. My eyes were flooded with tears to see so many lovely children showcasing their talents. I know that if you were here, you would have been one of the best! Anyway, I bought some gifts for children that are needy on your behalf; so know that your name is already recorded in church! 

RELATED POSTs: LETTER TO MY MOTHER | FATHERS' DAY GIFT IDEAS |GROWING UP FATHERLESS

 If you were here, I would have taken you to Inspiration FM’s Children Day’s Carnival at Dreamworld Africana. We would have had many lovely rides and yummy ice cream together, and I would have been overwhelmed just to hear you laugh. Nothing can describe how I would feel just to hold you in my arms knowing that you are my seed turned to  flesh.

Please do not heed all the bad news on the airwaves and think the world is a bad place. Do not listen to statistics that show that Africa is uninhabitable. We have sworn to do all we can to make the world a beautiful place for you. You will meet many challenges, but most importantly, you would have been prepared to overcome them.

I have to stop now because i'm in the office and my eyes are teary again. I can't afford crying in the workplace,  but i'm not ashamed to cry if it will make you come quickly. I know that we will surmount any mountain to finally have you in our arms… it’s just that waiting can be so hard sometimes. 

We love you as no other human can ever and will ever do.

From the best Dad you could ever have,

Further Reading:Rules for My Unborn Son

RELATED POSTS: LETTER TO MY FORMER SELF | LETTER TO MY RAPIST

Read More

LETTER TO MY FORMER SELF

A Letter To My Former Self

In the words of Eric Cantona, “he who has regrets cannot look at himself in the mirror”. Today when I look into the mirror, I see someone else , someone that you would become ,living a life, retracing your steps. Your absurdity is quite laughable, your recklessness unimaginable, taking a decision as vital as your life career to the betting table,  altering  the course of your career, your life.

Life may not give you second chances and yet you are giving away the opportunity that  it has generously tossed at you. You are a bright student and you know it . Good grades, good co-curricular activities, active participation, the perfect high school dream.

Yet, you are following the band wagon in taking the pivotal decision of the stream you must choose, Engineering!. What is that lump in your throat, that voice in your head screaming not to take the plunge?; it’s saying you will never be happy working with java, diodes, transistors and what not. But you seem to be taking it all as a basket case,  barking the wrong tree, following the rollercoaster of  peers opting for the same. It seems friendship is the only flower that you must attend to,  engineering is the only way out and today  I stand in front of my mirror and laugh at you, I’m laughing so hard my chest hurts, you are wrong in so many ways.

In a few years, the scales would fall from your eyes when you push yourself to the brink of devastation. When you toil for four long years in engineering college.  You would suddenly know without any doubt that you were meant to be an arts’ student. The love for literature, historical romances, the characters in Shakespearian plays that once tugged to the chords of your  heart would begin to haunt you because , you turned a deaf ear to all of it as you crush your interests in the grilling engineering college chasing pavements while falling under the burden of one lecture above the other.

The years would keep rolling in their tormenting speed. Being the bright student that you are, you would manage to get good grades. You would  even land a job but even then you would loathe yourself  for taking this decision ..

Some day you would work in one of the largest  IT companies in this country and you would still be  brimming with regret. Your  first pay check, would be a slap on your face. You would think you would  feel elated and the regrets would disappear but that  day you would be blown off your trolley, your dreams and perceptions shattered; You would feel  nothing more than a twinge of remorse and  regret at living a life which you do not cherish.

Yes that  one decision of yours would deprive you  the pleasure of having your first pay check.

 It would rob you of the motivation to get up from your  bed daily, and there would be that feeling  like something in your  life is missing .

Amidst such pangs of depression, I took a leap of faith. I started writing as it helped me air my thoughts and gave words to my feelings. It did not take me long to realize that this was the field I was passionate about. I started spending more time on it, and came up with this idea of writing you.

I chose not only to write you but also to write  my future self. My future self ,devoid of the big mountain of regret. I put in a lot of work, started from the scratch and got myself listed as a  writer , an established freelance writer. blossoming everyday . I now take online classes on philosophy and pursue my dreams in literature.

My future self would look back at me and write me a letter , thanking me for the courage to begin again, to take responsibility for my own life, to rewrite my wrongs  and most of all for letting you know that the effects of your childish decisions are over, starting from today.
Further Reading:Choosing Your Career

RELATED POSTS:  LETTER TO MY MOTHER        |LETTER TO MY RAPIST.

Read More

LETTER TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND

Dear Future husband,

Future husband

I thank God for the courage to write this
letter to you which is partly inspired by
other letters that I have read.  It has really taken a long journey to get to this
place of being able to write to you. I have
lived  most of my life in misconception of
what a husband is and is to be. I grew up
believing Men are liars, cheats, abusive,
selfish and disrespectful to women. I believed that we were the “weaker sex”
who deserved nothing  in life. And in my
delusion, I travelled  the path of sin and
perched my nest in the valley of darkness.  I went about life trying to be a perfect instrument for someone else. I went
around seeking for what I thought was
the ideal kind of man until Jesus found
me. He brought me out of the miry clay
and opened my eyes.  He let me know
that I was wonderfully and fearfully created and he had plans for a future and a
glorious end for me. He showed me that I
don’t have to see  myself , the way my
environment sees me but how he has
made me. He helped me forgo the hurt,
the shame and the pain of the past and
gave me the hope of a brighter, better
day which cannot be cut short. I am
whole . I have now let go of my pastalong with all my erroneous and worldly beliefs,  I
now know that a true husband is the one that would
love his wife, the way
Christ loves the Church. And that a God driven marriage is the one where we would both
complement each other and support each other in fulfilling our God given destiny. My beloved, I want you also to let go of all your
worldly misconceptions of women, all the kind
you read in secular lifestyle magazines, because I am simply different from that. I
would also like you to let go of any hurt or
pain that may get in your way of showing
love and care for your wife and family. Surrendering your pain to God and let him heal
you. I would not judge you because I know
you would not be perfect.
I am learning new things, developing myself

everyday, spiritually, mentally and physically. I have now started to feed my soul, spirit
and mind, instead of hitherto just feeding my
body. Because I have come to realize that you
wouldn’t marry me for my body alone, but for
my heart, my mind and the spirit of God inside of me.  Now  I can see clearly and I know
that in due time, God would bring us together
Your future wife

Read : Prayers & Notes To My Future Husband

Read More