HOW TO GET OVER YOUR EX

 How To Get Over Your Ex

“Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a lair; but never doubt I love”

Literature is full of quotations that speak of the beauty of love and relationships. There is no doubting the fact that with love comes happiness, but as endearing as love itself is, the pain of a broken heart is  excruciating.

There is a famous saying , “bruised knees heel better than broken hearts”. Definitely, when the heart breaks,  a part of you  breaks with it. Putting together the broken pieces rather than living with a broken heart, requires strength and  courage .

 A broken relationship is a bitter pill to swallow because   in most cases  the whole relationship finally becomes clear and you are forced to see the relationship in a light different from how you have ever seen it. The warning signs would become clearer, the subliminal actions would make more sense and they would all boil down to the fact that you had been living in a fool’s castle from the get go. The betrayal would hurt, the loneliness would suck, the neglect would be even more painful with every step you take and it would be really difficult to get over your ex

 Patsy Cline wrote, “You want me to act like we’ve never kissed, you want to forget; pretend we’ve never met, and I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I haven’t yet…you walk by and I fall to pieces.”

 However, in order to get over your ex and get your life back after a broken relationship.You need to 

1.Keep yourself busy.

You can now take that course on UFOs

or live your life taking pictures for
National Geographic

If you are idle, your mind is bound to wander, the hurt in your heart will sap you of the will and energy to move on. So, take up extra courses, engage yourself in new  chores; hang around  friends you love, spend time with family members that are close to you. Take on a challenge, and finally strike out something on your bucket list. Get over your ex!. The period after a broken relationship is the best time to go out on a limb, to take up charity work, to look beyond yourself, to experience the wind blow on your face, to let the heart release the pain. In short, you shouldn't spend time alone as it is in the quietest hours that the memories of the by gone becomes unavoidable

Finally, you don't have to pretend to enjoy watching the
Lakers and just watch Keeping up with
the Kardashian instead.

2. Look on the bright side. 

After a broken relationship, you need to find something good about the break up like the fact that you dodged a bullet, that  your ex was not in love with you anyway and you can now literally  wear those high heeled shoes that you always wanted to wear  or watch that game that you always wanted and stop pretending that you like something you didn't .  Doing all the things you could not do when you were in the relationship is one of the best ways of getting over your ex.You should be glad that the relationship ended before you sunk any deeper in trouble. No more time should be spent on broken relationships other than the time it lasted. So, rather than spending your time pounding over  someone who never valued you, you should be thankful that you did not waste any more of your valuable life and emotions .
You need to have the confidence that things will work out and you will finally meet someone who would love you for who you are. It takes two people to make a relationship work. So, you should not trap yourself in the lane of hurt and pain.

RELATED POSTS: HOW TO GET OUT OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP| GETTING OVER BAD HABITS

3. Bite the Bullet:

Experts believe that the finest way of getting over your ex is to accept that you have made a mistake and look for a  new start with a fresh wave of hope. Except in rare cases where your ex has done some physical damage, it is not advisable to waste your time getting even or plotting a revenge. The pitfalls of revenge is that it really doesn't make you feel better. It gives a satisfying feeling  immediately but that feeling eventually dies out and the hurt and pain now seems to have multiplied while you went about plotting revenge. Plotting revenge or trying your best to make your ex miss you is not a sure way to get over your ex. So you can take down all those funny Facebook pictures that were immediately uploaded after the break up and all those tweets that seem to say " i am dying inside".
Oscar Wilde stated, “The heart was made to be broken”. So, do not feel like you are at the end of the world. There are a lot of people who witness troubles in the lane of love, but it is all about being strong and going on. You should not give someone the power to crush you. Wait for the right person to walk along and they  will once again make your heart throb and a beautiful relationship can blossom between the two of you. So, be hopeful for a fresh start because true love will happen, at least once in a lifetime.

Here is a guy waiting for his true love to fall
from the sky.

4. Don’t make the same mistakes:

Learn from the mistakes you made, don’t make the same mistakes, don’t over look the warning signs. In doing this however don’t make the next person pay for the last person’s mistake and don’t let the next person have to deal with your broken heart. Heal first after a broken relationship before moving on to another one.

Research has shown that it takes averagely 15-17 months to get over a breakup with someone you used to be in love with.

Further reading:How To Get Over Your Ex (Harlequin Kiss)

RELATED POSTS: GET YOUR EX BACK

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LETTER TO MY FORMER SELF

A Letter To My Former Self

In the words of Eric Cantona, “he who has regrets cannot look at himself in the mirror”. Today when I look into the mirror, I see someone else , someone that you would become ,living a life, retracing your steps. Your absurdity is quite laughable, your recklessness unimaginable, taking a decision as vital as your life career to the betting table,  altering  the course of your career, your life.

Life may not give you second chances and yet you are giving away the opportunity that  it has generously tossed at you. You are a bright student and you know it . Good grades, good co-curricular activities, active participation, the perfect high school dream.

Yet, you are following the band wagon in taking the pivotal decision of the stream you must choose, Engineering!. What is that lump in your throat, that voice in your head screaming not to take the plunge?; it’s saying you will never be happy working with java, diodes, transistors and what not. But you seem to be taking it all as a basket case,  barking the wrong tree, following the rollercoaster of  peers opting for the same. It seems friendship is the only flower that you must attend to,  engineering is the only way out and today  I stand in front of my mirror and laugh at you, I’m laughing so hard my chest hurts, you are wrong in so many ways.

In a few years, the scales would fall from your eyes when you push yourself to the brink of devastation. When you toil for four long years in engineering college.  You would suddenly know without any doubt that you were meant to be an arts’ student. The love for literature, historical romances, the characters in Shakespearian plays that once tugged to the chords of your  heart would begin to haunt you because , you turned a deaf ear to all of it as you crush your interests in the grilling engineering college chasing pavements while falling under the burden of one lecture above the other.

The years would keep rolling in their tormenting speed. Being the bright student that you are, you would manage to get good grades. You would  even land a job but even then you would loathe yourself  for taking this decision ..

Some day you would work in one of the largest  IT companies in this country and you would still be  brimming with regret. Your  first pay check, would be a slap on your face. You would think you would  feel elated and the regrets would disappear but that  day you would be blown off your trolley, your dreams and perceptions shattered; You would feel  nothing more than a twinge of remorse and  regret at living a life which you do not cherish.

Yes that  one decision of yours would deprive you  the pleasure of having your first pay check.

 It would rob you of the motivation to get up from your  bed daily, and there would be that feeling  like something in your  life is missing .

Amidst such pangs of depression, I took a leap of faith. I started writing as it helped me air my thoughts and gave words to my feelings. It did not take me long to realize that this was the field I was passionate about. I started spending more time on it, and came up with this idea of writing you.

I chose not only to write you but also to write  my future self. My future self ,devoid of the big mountain of regret. I put in a lot of work, started from the scratch and got myself listed as a  writer , an established freelance writer. blossoming everyday . I now take online classes on philosophy and pursue my dreams in literature.

My future self would look back at me and write me a letter , thanking me for the courage to begin again, to take responsibility for my own life, to rewrite my wrongs  and most of all for letting you know that the effects of your childish decisions are over, starting from today.
Further Reading:Choosing Your Career

RELATED POSTS:  LETTER TO MY MOTHER        |LETTER TO MY RAPIST.

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THE BEAUTY OF BIGGER BUTTS

Bigger butts are presently a trending beauty craze that has come to stay. Of all the   beauty trends that come and go , bigger butts is one beauty trend that is not only good and deserves to stay but is actually beneficial.
 Bigger butts for men and women has a lot of unsung benefits. 

1 Fashion Appeal: 

Apart from the fact that bigger butts for men might require using more fabrics and taking pants (trousers) length measurements from the back as against the side, it makes pants sit better on the body and look better on both men and women. Talk about the extra cushion to  accentuate the primate S shape of the body . Clothes simply fit better and that is one of the major indications of beauty

2 Confidence: 

Bigger butts increase confidence, help stability and improve the posture  of the carrier. 

3 Strength: 

Bigger butts in most cases means bigger glutes and the glutes is a very important muscle for intercourse especially for men. It can go a long way in getting a pat on the back  or a slap in the face.

4 Cushion effects: 

There is no denying the cushion effect of the  butt. Recently a woman fell down on the new York side work and her butt disintegrated the side work. She was retrieved unhurt because of the cushion effect that her butt has given her. There has been reported cases of getting shot in the butt and the butt in all it’s super hero glory would protect vital organs in the process, as the flesh works like air bags protecting against vital organs. These cushion effects have also be said to make natural  childbirth less painful. This might be the reason why natural births are still the order of the day in African countries where bigger butts abound in all fulsomeness. That and the fact that there are poor health care infrastructures. The real deal about the childbirth is with a big butt comes big hips and women with bigger hips carry pregnancies better and deliver easier.

5 Sex Appeal:

 Bigger butts can improve both a man and woman’s sex appeal, it’s one part of the body that is equally as sensitive as the breasts. The shape and beauty of a butt can go a long way in turning on or turning off. Ass clapping also becomes possible and easier with bigger butts. If you don't know what ass clapping is , you probably don't need to know."I love a woman with a nice peach shaped rear, I don't know what it is about it, But it really gets me going!" says Bryan, 32.

RELATED POST: BEAUTY-MAKE YOUR BUTT  BIGGER

6 Well being: 

Bigger butts reduces the risk of diabetes, so says a study. A little extra padding on the butt can help shield from diabetes, aside making you a better dancer and what not. The subcutaneous fat in the back side  contains anti-inflammatory enzyme that could release artery blockage. It is also effective in encouraging your body to use your natural insulin to fight off diseases and ironically, lose weight.

7 Longevity: 

Bigger butts can prolong your life. And we are not making this up . Experts have explained that the body stores fats mostly in the mid section  of the body either in front around the belly region or at the back t first before moving to the arms, the face, the chest and the entire body.It’s about being pear shaped or apple shaped or the newly added guitar shape for people that look like a guitar turned up side down. Many studies have shown that people who accumulate fat around the abdomen and stomach are more likely to die of heart disease and other causes than bottom-heavy people.  People with fat in their thighs and backsides may live longer because the fat traps harmful fatty particles and actively secretes helpful compounds,  it produces fewer inflammatory cytokines according to a report . The full report in international journal of obesity goes further to explain  figuratively that bigger butts are the understated wonder of the world.

Now you know this lady is going to outlive you, well if she
can survive the back pain.

Now, apart from beauty benefits such as  fitting in your clothes, prancing with confidence and added glutes  strength which would in turn throw your confidence to the roof, long life is also in the mix .  Bigger butts are the new iphone. Although your overall shape is partly determined by genetics and skeletal frame.

RELATED POSTS: THE CURE OF PIMPLES

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BEAUTY: THE CURE FOR PIMPLES

Pimples, every youth's nightmare. Dave  noticed his first pimple at the age of eleven, , he had being told pimples were going to show up in the near future and that it was a sign that he was attaining puberty. He was happy they were here, maybe this was the sure proof to finally let the other boys  in school believe that he was much older than they were. 10 years later, he now sees the pimples for what they really are, a plague. Applying one beauty product after another in the hope of finally getting that pre-adolescence face back ,an ultimate indication of beauty became more and more impossible with each passing day.

Rita said, “when I was fourteen, I was told I shouldn't worry, the pimples would all be gone in the next 2 years, I am 25 now, and my face is still being plagued constantly. I have bought so many off-the-counter products and they all seemed to work for the first week only to multiply the pimples when i stop the product.

Pimples is something most youth have to deal with from adolescence, way into their thirties.

How do you overcome  pimples?

Pimples is a form of acne, that occurs as an inflammation on the skin of the face, chest , neck and back. It is most often seen as a beauty flaw and it goes a long way in lowering one’s self esteem. It occurs when, inside a hair follicle, the sebaceous glands (microscopic glands most commonly found on the face and scalp and responsible for producing "Sebum", an oily substance that lubricates the skin) become enlarged and clogged with excess sebum and dead skins cells. This provides ample room for a very common bacteria (Propionibacterium acnes) to thrive in. The common response of the body  to the bacterial infection is inflammation, which gives the pimple its swollen look. Looking critically at the cause, it could be deciphered that pimples are caused by 

1.Excessive oil secretion in the skin that gets the pore clogged

2. Bacteria that finds it’s way to the skin.

To get rid of pimples , over-the-counter drugs containing benzoyl peroxide , salicyclic acid or mandelic acid would give a quick fix within 72 hours but these drugs are not capable of preventing pimples. Also some of them  eventually  leave black heads, (  dark spots) on the affected area. The ingestion of Antibiotics such as tetracyclines and erythromycin  continuously for   6 weeks is also a very common practice to get rid of pimples, this however comes with side effects such as stomach cramps, discoloration of the teeth and scaring. This should also not be used without the prescription of a dermatologist or a medical doctor.
Home remedies to cure pimple makes use of Aspirin and honey . Aspirin would reduce the redness and swelling that comes from skin irritation and honey which is a natural occurring antibiotic would help in disinfecting the pores which caused the pimples in the first place. Pounded orange peels with water and cucumber applied over the face for 15 minutes is also a very good home remedy.

Preventing pimples requires two things. Preventing the excessive secretion of oil, sebum and preventing bacteria from inhabiting on the skin. That’s all.

RELATED POSTS: THE BEAUTY OF BIGGER BUTTS | DOES MASTURBATION CAUSE PIMPLES AND ACNE?

How does excessive secretion of Oil occur?

1. Eating of Junk Food, oily Groundnuts and adulterated cooking oil: Eating of Junk food would drive the body hormones crazy, disrupting the body’s blood sugar , insulin and cholesterol levels  and cause excessive oil secretion. This is aside from the fact that some of these junk foods are made with  oils that have become adulterated  as a result of  repeated use  of the same cooking oil for a large batch of pastry. Replacing Junk food with fruits and using high quality unadulterated cooking oil in very low quantities for your cooking would go a long way in reducing the excessive secretion of Oil.

IS DAIRY CAUSING YOUR ACNE?

Start calling these foods what they really are, Pimples and Fat!

2. Inadequate Vitamins intake:  This would also make the  skin produce excessive oil  clogging the pores. Increase your vitamin intake by taking vitamin tablets and indulging in watermelons and  carrots. They contain beta carotene which would help repair the mucus and the membrane which the skin is made of in turn reducing the production of sebum.  Onions and tomatoes which contain chromium  an acne preventing element  and oysters and dark chocolate which also contains Zinc would keep the skin in good condition. 

3. Exposure to Stress:  Working for long hours  on poor diet would also among many other things cause the over secretion of the oil glands on the face.

4. Toxins present in the body: The skin is an organ of the body also responsible for waste ejection. A build up of toxins in the body would  increase secretion that would eventually lead to pore clogging.An increase in water intake to full hydration helps all of the glands in the body operate at peak efficiency. In flushing out toxins, water cleans the cells, the bloodstream, and the skin, reducing the opportunity for bacteria to survive. Rather than assaulting the skin of the face with harsh beauty  treatments including cleaners which only remove the outer layer of the skin while doing nothing below the skin surface where the whole pimple formation takes place, treat pimples with an adequate intake of water. This will assist the body in regulating the acne-causing mechanisms in the first place, and alleviate the inflammation from spots and sores.   

   

Facial Steam bathing, an ancient beauty secret done

Facial -Steam Bathing, the towel tip should be touching the bowl, except you
are taking a picture.

 for about 10 minutes a week is a very good way of getting rid of excessive oil in the hair follicles. Steam bathing should be immediately followed by cold ice water flushing. This should be done cautiously as excessive steaming might burn the skin.

In preventing bacteria , the following steps have to be taken

1. Avoid  putting your unwashed hands on the skin of your face. 

2. Wash your hair regularly and don’t use oily or sticky beauty and  hair products

3. Take your bath twice/three times a day. The timing of these baths are also very important, one should be immediately after you wake up  and the other after any strenuous activity or when you return home from the day’s activities and then when you prepare to go to sleep.

4. Wash your towels and face towels regularly, a 3 day interval  is advisable. Most of those  towels carry a lot of bacteria and once used on an oily skin would cause pimple outbreak. Avoid wiping your face with a towel, instead pat the skin dry,  wiping might actually be spreading bacteria all over the skin.

5. Use  an acne soap to wash the skin of the face, in order to rid it of dead skin cells and excess oil. Acne soaps are non- oil based beauty soaps used for cleaning the facial skin.

6. Wash your pillow cases regularly, same as your bed sheets. Anything that would be in contact with your facial skin should be washed including beauty accessories.

7. Avoid popping the pimples or white heads. Leaving them would help them ripen and heal without breakage which might leave black spots and also cause a spread in the affected areas on the face.

8. Use oil free beauty products on your face, a good moisturizer would be needed to help get rid of dead skin cells .

9. Use Sunscreen to  protect the skin from  pimple-causing environmental pollutants among other things.

10. Use a honey mask on the face and chest at least twice a week
11. Never go to sleep with any makeup on, wash your face and apply a light moisturizer at night.
12. You can use lemon slices  which acts like a natural antiseptic to clean the skin with drop of sugar added on it every night just before going to bed.
13. The use of Sea Salt mixed with warm water applied on the skin would also serve as a natural antiseptic to kill bacteria lurking on the skin.
14. The use of the B complex Group (B3, B5,B6,B12) is essential for fighting acne, as they help with healthy skin cell growth and skin moisturizer. 
15. You should also beware of using several products on your face at the same time.It never works and it leaves your skin seriously weakened and internally damaged.
16. Eating almonds, avocados, red beets, potatoes and cod liver oil would help the digestive system against constipation because the way the skin looks is directly related to how the digestive system works. These foods would help the gut bacteria and help clear the bowels.

FOODS THAT CAUSE ACNE.

17. Sleeping on a fresh clean towel every night would get rid of pimples and acne within a week or so.
18. Make a face mask with egg whites and lemon juice, leave it on for 15 minutes then rinse, do this daily.
19. Using the Advil Liquid gel on the pimples would clear your pimples within days. Puncture with pin and apply on washed face.

Whatever you do, do not buy into the deception of acne app or acne pwner,  you would not lose pimples by holding an Iphone to your face. This would most likely never happen.

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JOB OFFER:MY JOB EXPERIENCE

I have never been lucky with bosses.   I have had two bosses, the first nearly drove me to an early grave, and the other almost made me resign. Sometimes I still hear the voice of my very first boss in my head .

Getting  a job offer in Africa, Nigeria can be very laudable  where the unemployment rate is very high. Every year about fifty thousand graduates leaving  the mandatory  one year youth paramilitary service after  the university have to contend to get  the less than ten thousand corporate jobs offers  available in the labour market.So it was a great privilege to have a job to call yours and my boss knew this  fact as well. My job search success   was further facilitated by the possession of a master’s degree in Petroleum Geology and a referral. It was really exhilarating when I finally picked up this job offer as a graduate in training at this company, an  Oil and Gas servicing company in Lagos, Nigeria, a privately owned company and that seemed to be the first problem,it was privately owned. Owned,  by my boss. 

 The company rendered both consultancy and technical off shore services to the oil companies. It took me over a month after i resumed to get my job offer letter drafted and to discover that my pay was about $300 a month. My job was to prepare tenders for the services we rendered for the oil companies and I, being a fast learner, learnt fast. 

 My first day at work was met with a warm welcome by my boss , a  tall skinny, dark complexioned man in his early fifties  and he quickly introduced me to everyone, who all didn’t seem  interested in meeting me but rather  had this questioning looks that seemed to ask  “What are you doing here?” I cared less about their reaction as I was happy to finally get a job offer related to my field of study. He then told me to get to work and left into his adjoining office.   I took a seat then watched as everyone seemed not to notice me; I decided to ask a few questions that were met with sharp answers from the lady who doubled as a receptionist and office secretary. 

RELATED POST: JOB OFFER:QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Half an hour later,

 my boss stepped out of his office and looked at me and said the oddest words ever with a firm loud voice, "get to work: be a tool not a fool, that’s how we work here’’.  I had not been giving any assignment and I was actually trying to get someone to tell me what next to do. I then asked the secretary what he meant by that, then she smiled, welcome to the company, sit with someone in the other office and look into a monitor.  

My co-workers only smiled that day when their cheques were handed to them, I had resumed at the middle of a month and I could only help but wonder what month they were being paid for as salaries were to be paid on montly basis based on what was on the job offer leter. The comments they made were stunning and quite confusing but most of all, I was glad to have a job. Those were early signs I was blinded to. Signs that should have made me turn down the oral job offer in the very first instance.

Working conditions, especially staffing were abysmal, resources and equipments were not readily available and working in the most populated, traffic plagued city in Africa was also a minus. But all that were just a piece of cake compared to the real issue, my boss.

He was the owner of the company and seemed to have broken even on the business and was now diverting money into other businesses, leaving the office with little running cost. His extreme cost-cutting measure made all the seven staff double as something in a company getting jobs worth between $250,000 and $1,000,000:00 .The office was being run by the settlements of the oil companies we were rendering services to and so our salaries came from a  minute fraction of the company’s settlement, when the company was settled. Each Month's salary seemed to be tied to some settlements which due to client's  company   and bank protocols never seemed to fall at the time when our salaries were due. This was obviously never stated in the Job offer letter.  Worst of all, my boss had the slave- master mentality, asking for out -of -job favours which turned out to be instructions such as picking his kids from school, booking his wife with the spa , buying him lunch which were stylishly wrapped in submitting proposal and tenders on behalf of the company while still working as a  coporate pimp, arranging call-girls for him on  Friday nights which I soon later discovered was a big  part of  my  job description and then he was extremely difficult to satisfy, he would scream and yell at any slightest opportunity and then start a war .  “My office Air conditioner  is not working”, “you didn’t pick my kids from school”,” my office is too rowdy”,” your tenders are too sloppy”, “you are a jerk”, “don’t  act like a fool  be a tool “,”do you think this is how I ran the business for years till I broke even”?

‘’You are not working for the progress of the company”,” you are an enemy of the company”,” I’ll throw you back to the streets before you ruin my business “and he then threatens to hit an employee.

The real job was staying in that job and keeping a happy face and living on your stipend like this was the last because the date of the next one was not ascertained. But I did, I always made sure I had something to smile about and my smile was pretty soon contagious and the atmosphere at work changed. Sometimes people talk about suing the boss for delaying salaries but where would  the money to hire a lawyer  come from ?, plus employment laws were as lax as they get in that environmnet ,more so,  you always had the option of quitting.

My resolution was to leave the troubles of work at work,  learn something each day  while trying as much as possible to get out of the line of fire with the  boss. I also made every day a job search day , hoping to get a new job offer and after nine months on the job and two months unpaid salaries I  left  the job for another   where my knowledge of the oil and gas business and proposal writing gave me an edge.My resignation letter was in a text message. ”I’m out sir, thank you so much for everything”.

RELATED POST: JOB OFFER: QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR EMPLOYER

He was furious and told me about protocol. I also refered him to the Job offer letter that stated we were to be paid monthly not bi-monthly.

He taught me how not to ever expect the word “thank you” or” well done” and I made sure,  i would be missed because I was the only one who offered him a hand of friendship irrespective of his many flaws and overworked myself to please him sleeping in the office in a non paying job to prepare papers to be submitted the next day and yes he confessed it and offered me a raise if I came back but of course it was too late. 

In an environment like that,  where the jobs are scarce I am sure that getting people would not be a problem for him but it would be difficult to  find the ones that would put up with all his shenenigans .

The only thing my present boss does is come to work, take lunch breaks and go back home. I handle everything. He always says, “I know you know what to do” and yes he is right, I know what to do, apply for his position which I just did.

More stories in Job One: Experiences of New Professionals in Student Affairs (American College Personnel Association Series)

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PARASITIC RELATIONSHIPS: ARE YOU IN ONE?

I'll see you later in the day, i'm getting married now

Parasitic Relationship: Are you in one?

Relationships are meant to be mutual. The ideal relationship should benefit both parties involved in one way or the other, while some relationships are consensual  where only one party benefits and the other party is neither benefiting or losing, there are the parasitic relationships in which one party is benefitting at the expense of the other. Science tells us a lot about parasites and if we dare to look closely at a lot of relationships we would see  clearly defined traits in some parties  synonymous to parasites.

First science tells us there are two kinds of parasites, the macro parasites . Macro parasites live  different stages of their lives in different hosts. They come in, suck the host dry then move unto another stage of their life in another host who can support that next life stage. The same applies to some parasitic relationships , a party sees all the benefits they can derive from another party and then cozen them into a relationship. A typical example of this is recent case of an African Young Man that went out with a girl that paid his fees with the hope of getting married to him only to leave her after he graduated , a similar case is that of a  guy that goes out with a girl in school, so that he can get a place to keep his stuff and also get  free homemade food and immediately breaks off the relationship when he is out of school , to date another chick who can put a good word for him in the company she works.

Another kind of parasites are the micro parasites which can be transferred from one host to another through all forms of contact. The same applies to individuals who move from person to person within a short span of time hoping to get a better benefit than they are already getting from their present relationship. 

Parasites get into parasitic relationships with the hope of getting love, affection, attention, companionship, material things, money, social and economic benefits and career development without bringing anything to the relationship table and would only remain in that relationship as long as they continually receive those benefits or don’t find any better option that offers those same benefits. They may also leave the relationship as soon as they are no longer in need of the  benefits they were in the relationship for .

RELATED POST: SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP | WHY CHEATERS CHEAT

How do you know you are in a parasitic relationship?

Pin pointing a parasitic relationship requires the individual involved to first come to the knowledge and understanding of themselves, their goals, their dreams and wishes in life. If at any point in the relationship you feel you have to let go of your goals, your dreams in life in favour of the other person’s  goals and dreams then you are in a parasitic relationship. Worse still, is if you have to hang in your boots and divert all your energy into the other parties goals and wishes .

In a relationship, both parties are supposed to meet halfway over almost everything and anything, but if in a relationship, you discover that one party is only in it for the benefits that  they can get and is in most cases useless to the other party then that is a parasitic relationship. To bring it home, Lola says she realized she was in a parasitic relationship when she took a break from herself to analyse her relationship critically. She was providing her boyfriend shelter, love, care, affection, basic needs, cleaning his clothes and keeping his stuff and he was doing nothing for her. He couldn't even help run errands, fix things in the house they were both living in and couldn't even stick up for her in times when she needed him, like when she was sick and he was out all day, probably to avoid her. Most relationships out there today are basically parasitic . The disadvantage of being in a parasitic relationship is that it always ends with the parasitic partner leaving the host devoid of love , trust and self esteem. If you are in a relationship, list out all the benefits, you feel the other party is getting from being with you, and then list out all the benefits you are getting from the other party, if the ratio of benefits don’t fall among 30:70, 40:60……..70:30

You can use a black board instead of a paper

then you are in a parasitic relationship.  When such is discovered you should go ahead and communicate your findings to your partner  or eventually end the relationship  if no adjustment is made or in some cases improve on your weakness by finding new ways of affecting your partner positively if you are  the parasitic one.


Experts say the parasitic nature of humans can in fact be  traced down to their upbringing.They claim Individuals who grew up without any family responsibilities or parental supervision and direction may develop into  immature adults ,  never gaining a conscious awareness and understanding  of the needs of others. This also applies to individuals that had to live in a home or with a family where they were seen as an incidental member of the family  where the individual's individuality was dismissed . This environmental behavior promotes a lack of empathy in the adult and they may believe that people are sources of resources from which they are supposed to get from  rather than emotional beings that deserve time, love and support.

The parasite usually  evolves overtime to be an expert at using people around them, and then discarding them when they're usefulness has been depleted. Many people often hold on to parasitic relationships with the hope  of a future benefit  like marriage, future gratitude and homage. Most times these expectations fall short, because a parasite thinks only about himself or herself. When parasitic relationships are to be broken off, the parasite often times would go into survival mode cussing, and threatening with anger and betrayal if they don't  continue to get their benefits but in such situations you have to stand your ground and do not be moved. Parasitic relationships are not worth it , get out of it while you can.

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MALE GENITAL: ODOR ELIMINATION

MALE GENITAL  ODOR ELIMINATION.

 Male genital odor is a plague to everyone and it builds up to become completely unbearable as men grow older. Male genital odor  can pose adverse effects to one's self esteem as well as being a  complete turn off to one's partner.

Well, it’s simply a combination of sweat, bacteria, shed skin and water that hides  between the thighs just below the scrotum and smells like rotten fish.It can also be due to a substance called SMEGMA produced from the minute microscopic protrusions of the mucosal surface of the foreskin whose function ironically is to clean the male organ but immediately smells like a  pack of decaying fish once it is not thoroughly cleaned off daily. 

Penis smell after masturbation might also occur if a bath is not taken immediately  after the act  or semen is not cleaned off with a toilet paper . This is because pre-ejaculate might contain sugars and the bacteria on the skin would break down the sugar to produce fowl smelling substances.Until the sugars are completely broken down, penis smell would  abound. Using saliva as a lube for sex would also lead to male genital odor.  

RELATED:     MALE GENITAL ODOR DUE TO ANTIPERSPIRANTS

Male genital odor is one of the major turn offs on the male body, the others being body odor and mouth odor. There is much awareness and precautions for both the body and mouth odors but very little is said or known about the male genital odor. 
Because the scrotum has very sensitive skin and can't withstand  the type of alcohol or chemicals mostly contained in antiperspirants, deodorants , perfumes and even toothpastes, there are very few  good  products available in the market for keeping male genital odor at bay and most of them are usually very few in stock. 

Shove your hand in your junk area (this should only be tried at home or bathroom). Smell your finger, does it stink? Does it choke you? Does it make you wanna puke? If your answer is yes, then you just performed the ultimate test for male genital odor and you have a stinking dick

RELATED POST: FEMALE GENITAL ODOR ELIMINATION |MALE GENITAL ODOR PRODUCTS

How do you  eliminate male genital odor ?

1. Take your bath twice everyday and also after a strenuous activity like soccer, exercise etc paying attention to your inner thighs, your armpits, behind the knees and the back of the ear-all enclosed areas. If you have foreskin, pull it back and wash the penis carefully as well. The choice of soaps to be used is also very important. Organic soaps that contain no harsh chemicals like sodium laurel should be used to wash the male genitals. Male Genital wash might come in handy here. You can also soak the genitals ( or whole body) in a mixture of a cup of water,  half cup of white vinegar and salt( preferably epsom salt) for about 10 minutes once or twice a week.

You can take your bath anyway

2. Clean in between your legs and under the scrotum till it is completely dry after taking a bath. Most men when cleaning up after bathing, do not pay attention to cleaning down there, till it is dry. Any moisture still remaining there would eventually settle there and mix with dead skin and skin excretes and smell. Clean the scrotum till it is  dry and give about 5 minutes space before putting on your briefs or boxers. You can also clean the genitals with Apple Cider Vinegar, after you have first tried it on your arm to see that it doesn't burn.If you find yourself in a position where you can not quickly take a bath, use Dude Wipes (UK Dude Wipes)  for those areas around the male genitals.

RELATED POST: MALE GENITAL ODOR DURING WINTER | MALE GENITAL ODOUR DUE TO YEAST INFECTION

Clean this areas between the thighs

3. Shave. It is very important to shave down there, the hair down there would always act like a sponge holding moisture and eventually lead to a pungent smell. It is mostly advisable to use a Mild Hair removal cream as against blades which might result in razor bumps or use a Bikini Trimmer or a Body Hair Management System . The most important hair to eradicate is the one in between the thighs and the one in between the butt cheeks. The hair below the abdomen can just be trimmed.

I would just shave my whole body instead

4. Cleaning the anal region after defecating is also very important. It is advisable to use soap and water as against tissue papers alone. Fecal matter still lying around the anus would get stuck  in the hairs around that region  and produce a very unpleasant smell. Experts have advised that the best way to take a dump, is to sit on the toilet with your legs placed on a foot stool, that way your thighs make an acute angle with your chest and your colon has more allowance to push out waste matter in the rectum.  This is a modification of the ancient squatting technique still very much practiced in the middle east. 

5. Use dusting powders or baby powder to prevent friction, bruises, bacteria and smell to the areas in between the thighs just below the scrotum, it is the same treatment mothers use for babies. Having male genital odor eliminated sends a subliminal message to your brain that boasts your confidence and  increases your self esteem. You can also use the acclaimed fresh ball lotion  and Diem Duroil to relieve the wetness of sweaty and sticky balls.

6. Going commando (free balling) when you sleep is advisable, wear something airy and let your balls breathe at night . Get rid of that fishy smell, the male genital odor. Going commando, experts say would reduce your chances of getting urinary tract infection as this would reduce chances of bacteria growth on both female and male genitals which could make it's way into the urethra and cause bladder infection.Never wear your underwear twice without washing, that's 7 underwears a week. That's not too much.

Oh please! at least use a coverlet 

7. Male genital products might be necessary, if you still have smelly balls after putting all the above instructions to practice,male genital wash should be used.
Male Genital wash such as DIEM DUROIL,  BOND GINSENG CARE MEN's INTIMATE WASH     can be used to wash the genitals instead of toilet soaps. You might also want to try this  New Korean Product. Men's Genital Area Cleaner . These Products are made specially for the male genital skin and do not contain soap that can lead to skin irritation or bruising. Using such Products would come in handy and helpful. However if smell still persists, then a doctor has to be consulted.Now say goodbye to smelly genitals.

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PERMISSIBLE NOT BENEFICIAL

Now, a lot of things are permissible but not beneficial. As far as the law is concerned, depending on where you live or what you do, most of these things are relatively permissible in the most liberal of all countries and even practiced in those overly restrictive and conservative countries. These things are not only not beneficial to youth development or fulfillment of life but in most cases are detrimental to life.

1. Recreational Drugs:

Drugs are bad

 With the exception of tea, coffee, caffeine which surprisingly also fall under the broad term of recreational drugs, mind altering substances come with no benefit. Actually, it comes with a pseudo benefit, mind altering. There are reported cases of  persons being at their peak performance when drugs like cocaine, marijuana and ethanol(alcohol) have been ingested. This  cannot be disputed, as the mind altering ability of these drugs enable the  consumer to harness the fruits of his mind. The down turn of this , is when you have to use an external  catalyst to conquer your mind that would eventually make you addicted, destroy your health and put your reputation in question, then it is not worth. It is actually the lazy way out and it always comes back to bite. To harness the  fruits of your mind, clear your head, take a warm bath, listen to jazz music, eat fish, drink milk, meditate and take a quick nap. They would in the long run help you learn mind control, save you from depression, give you a good health and make you look younger than your age. 

                               Addiction and Recovery For Dummies

2. Home Wrecking:

 This is one thing that is quite permissible in some parts of the world but not beneficial in anyway. Home Wrecking is when a  married/unmarried  person goes ahead to have a relationship with a married person with the intention of breaking up the marriage. In African countries, it is common practice for single ladies to go out with married men for cash, companionship and some other privileges  This never became so poignant as when a single Nigerian  actress advised single ladies via media to go after married man if that is what they want. It sucks to be the other woman and it  always will. Worst still, to be regarded as a mistake , a home wrecker. As men grow older, they eventually come to the realization of the mistakes they had made in their youth and often times they make restitution. And these restitution mostly doesn't favour the mistress. Let marriage be the deal breaker in any relationship for you.

The lady is a self acclaimed husband snatcher, unfortunately
she is late now.

3. Promiscuity:

 In some parts of the world, middle east to be precise, drastic laws are in place against promiscuity mostly appearing misogynistic .It appears so because the major culprits of promiscuity is the male gender but most of those laws seem targeted mainly towards women. It got so bad recently in Pakistan that a girl was sentenced to jail after she was supposedly raped. The downside of promiscuity is that it becomes really difficult to settle down with one, when stability is seriously needed. It is totally permissible in most parts of the world but not beneficial. 

Evidence?

4. Impulse Eating:

For Food only

 Humans live for their bellies. We  need to stop emotional eating. You need to start eating to stay alive and healthy and not eating to rid you of a particular emotion or fill you with another. Impulse eating would only make you obese, unhealthy and take you to an early grave. You should instead take water as an oral fixation, you can never go wrong with that.
        
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5. Cultism: 

there are two kinds of cultism, there is the one common among youths in high school, tertiary institutions, societies and  communities. These kinds have no immediate or long time benefit, except for what they call protection ,which is in most cases just a way of terrorizing others to validate themselves. These are the types involved in hazing, ragging, jack rolling, initiations and lots of unethical practices. It never ends well, it always leads to loss of life and destiny. The other type is the high profile cult in high places of government and leadership, this cults seem to guarantee power and prosperity but they are all served on a plate reeking of bloodshed, ruthlessness and evil, which eventually ruins the soul .Join a book club, a progressive group, a youth group, something that would edify you without paying a price as  high  as  your soul.

6. Pornography: 

This is one of the most permissible but highly unbeneficial  issue in the world. Most people confuse pornography with sex manuals and guides. They get stuck in the lies that it presents based on imaginary fantasies. You can never  learn to be a good companion from pornography except you are preparing to be a porn star or marry one. The acts are completely devoid of true feelings and the original beauty of sex, worst still, it reduces the female gender mostly to a sex object who is just supposed to act out some kinky script.


Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame

7. Malice:

Malice eats your soul

 Malice is totally permissible all over the world, but not beneficial. It is a negative energy harbouring in your entity and it would only wear out your bones. Similar to this is revenge. The negative energy they generate reduces the positive and useful energy  you need to get on with your life and make yourself  somebody. Malice is the desire to cause pain , injury or hurt to another.

8. Bigotry: 

This is mostly as a result of difference in religion.A lot of people in the world have come to the knowledge of a greater power  which is the source of life as we know it and reference it. This has somehow paved way for man-made religion, which is often times laced with hypocrisy and deception. As a result of this, hatred and intolerance has been sown in the hearts of men who have ignorantly forsaken their faith and have taken up religion as a vindication for themselves. Bigotry has the same effect as malice and revenge , it destroys the soul and eventually deprives you  of what you wanted in the first place,  a soul communion with God.

9. Impression Management: 

Most corporate companies actually have departments who are in charge of impression management. This is basically not only bothering yourself about what others think about you but in most cases going all the way to determine what they think about you. The truth about this, is that it always fails all the time even for corporate bodies. The best rule of impression management is being yourself and constantly improving yourself  and maintaining a state of influence and empowerment.  That way, you rub on the people around you the right way and they see you as real, not a propaganda or a bloody commercial.

10. Foul language:

 The use of foul language for emphasis or to express anger, intolerance or disgust  is not beneficial.   It is considered  to be lazy speech and causes the user to appear uneducated. Use of foul or obscene language at inappropriate times or places can taint your reputation, cost you friendships, or even ruin your chance at advancement in a career. It might also be considered disrespectful and you may actually be seen as having very low moral standards which may hinder your advancement. There are a lot more of these permissible habits , altitudes and personalities which overall has no remarkable benefit but mostly get you in harm’s way

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