GETTING OVER RAPE

GETTING OVER RAPE

One of the worst things to ever happen to anyone is to be raped. It is rated so, because of all other things such as death of a loved one, accident and failure, it is one of the  few that is really very  difficult to get over. Rape victims are left emotionally and psychologically damaged,  months and indeed years after being physically assaulted.

Rape is an experience that should be missed in a lifetime but as we have come to know, more and more people are falling victim of rape .From lucretia a noblewoman in the ancient roman kingdom who committed suicide after she was raped to tamar in the bible who was raped by her own brother to thousands of young girls in South Africa, Sweden , United states , Congo etc. Rape is as old as time. The most common is male to female rape accounting for about 91% of reported cases, this is followed by male-male rape. A very small fraction accounts for female -male rape and the least common is the female -female rape. If you have ever been raped, here are specific steps to take  in getting over rape , in order  to get your life back. The most detailed  and encompassing definition so far is that given by the FBI of the united states which describes rape as  "The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim."

DURING THE RAPE:

1.Keep Calm: Once there is a penetration and you are obviously too powerless to stop the rapist, then stay calm to minimize your injuries, to minimize the pleasure of the rapist and to calculate.While you should not let a rapist ever get the chance to have a penetration, if such eventually happens, continuously struggling would increase your danger of being hit, or mutilated  In staying calm you might be able to reach out for a plank just waiting there for you to use in knocking the rapist out.

2.Leave a mark: Once penetration has occurred  you have been violated and justice must run it's full course, go ahead and leave a bite mark, a nose scratch, pull out some hair strands. Do this gently without giving the rapist the notion that you are resisting them. This would come in handy as a proof to nail the rapist someday.

3. Wail: Once you have been penetrated, don't let yourself run out of breath, you may seem quiet at first then wail and scream at intervals, interval screams have more effect in alerting attention than a continuous cry which  blends with all the environmental noises and becomes indistinguishable to the listener who is within the range of the rape.

AFTER THE RAPE: This is usually at the time when the rapist has climaxed or tires from the assault.

1. Run: Most of the time, there is a switch of emotions after an assault has taken place. Sometimes the rapist might realize the evil deed and then beg but in some cases, the rapist becomes way more aggressive. The aggression might be as a result of the disappointment in the pleasure expected from the act ,it might also be a form of self hate in which the rapist then blames the victim for their wrongdoing and most often than not, it is to cover up evidence. You have to run,because the worst might not be over. Some rapist have gone ahead to harm the victim with the intention of killing , just to  eradicate all forms of evidence that may be traced back to them.

2.See a doctor: A qualified doctor may be able to get samples to be used as evidence and also help with some contraceptives and antibiotics  Conceiving from a rape or contracting a venereal disease is the last thing any female  victim would want . Why most people advise to wash yourself off immediately, medical practitioners advise you see them first , without eating, drinking, washing, douching or even taking off the clothes in which you were raped . But in cases where there are no doctors to turn to ,  the levonorgestrel pills 1.5 mg, 1g of azithromycin against chlamydia, 400 mg Suprax against gonorrhea, and metronidazole 500 mg twice daily for seven days against trichomoniasis  should be used. You can show this to a pharmacist.

3. Realize the fact that it is not your fault: No matter what any one says to you , you were inappropriately dressed, you shouldn't have been drinking,etc. It is not your fault, there is no excuse good enough to rape another. No excuse at all. You have to constantly tell yourself this, because there are times you would feel like  things could have been different but it hasn't and there  is no use crying over split milk.

4. Plan for Healing: You have to understand that you have been violated and there is bound to be bouts of depression, anger , disgust, shame and pain. take each day at a time and let yourself heal, cry if you want to,but don't self destruct. It is not worth dying for. See it this way, your hurt would only empower the rapist. See it that you have to live, choose life. choose a brighter future. Live for yourself,don't die for the rapist.

5.Find someone to talk to: This is very important. If you are opportuned to speak with a counselor then do, if not speak with a friend , or a confidant.Do not speak to someone who may not believe you or broadcast your stories in a way you wouldn't like. If you have no one else to talk to , talk to elijahforce,send a mail, invite for a chat. Don't keep quiet. Talk

6. Write: if talking to someone about it is difficult then just write, write down your feelings and your determination to heal. Writing would help you release the pain.

7. Learn to protect yourself: Don't just think the deed is done, there are instances of repeat rapes , you have to learn to protect yourself from them. Especially if the rapist is someone who knows you and may be planning a come back. The chances of repeat rapes are about 25%, and if the first rape  hurt you , the 2nd time would totally tear you apart, rob you of all self esteem and self worth.

8. Heal: Start doing things you love again, don't live your life in pain and shame. The major way of doing this, is forgiving the rapist from your heart. This way your hurt reduces and the venom is released. Forgiving the rapist doesn't mean you should not report such person so that they can get the help that they need  or be punished duly for their terrible act.but forgiving is ensuring that the venom is out of you and your life is starts again.

9. Get even: This is a very controversial point. But in some cases it is advisable. The instances of rape would reduce if potential rapist knew that at least 4 in 5 of rape victims would strive back at a later time. it is often advised in environments and communities where rape is swept under the carpet. Getting even might be wrong and two wrongs never make a right. Also the chances of getting killed after being molested may increase if rapist knew most victims would strive back at a later date.

What ever you do, don't let an incidence in your past rob you of the great future ahead of you. Oprah Winfrey was raped at the age of 9, if she had given up on her life then, she would not be the success story that she is now. Heal, it's the best thing that can happen to you.

 Don't get yourself involved in binge drinking, drugs or become promiscuous because of this incidence, dust yourself up and begin a new day.

RELATED POST: LETTER TO MY RAPIST

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LETTER TO MY RAPIST

LETTER TO MY RAPIST.

z

Hello, I bet you don’t even remember me now or recollect what you did to me around the ages of 7 to 13. You were supposed to be my guide leading me in the way to grow but instead you  were my pain all through my childhood years, my ever present pain. I remember  the first night as clear as day, when you came into my room that night and suddenly started caressing me. I immediately awoke but I was too scared to say anything, too young to understand , too weak to fight, too naive  As you slide your fingers into my underpants and broke my innocence, I guessed you had all the pleasure you wanted but if you noticed, the tears flowed freely from my eyes that night. I cried for the life I had lost,  I cried for the pain you have caused,, I cried for the hate that you have inflicted in me, I cried for myself.

I know I couldn't tell anyone, no one would believe, you  were the best of them all, you were religious, friendly, kind and humorous, I was the only one who knew the truth. I thought you would stop but you didn't , you proceeded to violating me anally. I now know , you did that so I would not get pregnant. I think it was better to get hit by a truck on the highway than having you rape me through my back door. It hurt constantly, I dreaded going to the bathroom, to reduce my frequency, I started eating less, my grades started deteriorating , my friends felt neglected, everything was on a downward spiral and yet you were my protector, my guardian and I wasn't safe in my own home. Eventually  some one in school noticed, and the issue was brought up, I was eventually forced to confess  , it felt like a release but it was ephemeral. I instead got a backlash at home for denting the name of the family, for getting myself in harm’s way, I was stupid enough to believe that it was all  my fault and I felt the right punishment for me was death. I tried to kill myself several times, I cut my wrist, ate rodent poison, took an overdose of drugs, jumped out of a moving car, spent months in plaster of Paris cast. I was then sent away to boarding school and was tagged as a special needs student, it felt good to be away from you. To see the world again, to be able to laugh when things were funny and to smile when people said hello.

Then there was you, my sweet little honey pie,  you said the right things, gave me the kind of attention , I never had, told me I was beautiful and we spent time developing our common interests. For those  three months in fall season (October, November,December)I was a queen. I guessed you were talking to the wrong guys, being influenced by the wrong friends, because all of a sudden you wanted me to repay your kindness. I couldn’t even think of any one touching me in that way,but you persisted, you eventually lured me to your place during the holidays and forced yourself on me. You pushed yourself inside me so hard, it hurt so bad, it was those horrible nights at home all over again, you knew you had killed me because I was wailing so bad with deep groaning that you started consoling me. The mixture of blood and semen on my legs were like poison  eating into my flesh. I severed any connection between you and I and dove back into my self-harming ways. For years afterwards, It felt like you left yourself inside me, I lived everyday like something was still inside me, something foreign , something strange, when I heard about AIDS, I told myself well, that was it, I could feel it inside me, so I got myself tested just to confirm what I already thought I knew. It wasn't AIDS, I wasn't sick. Nothing.

Today I am better, it took a long road to get here, the help of God, a counselor and some really true friends,  I had  to find inner peace and let go of the hurt , pain and shame, I had to forgive and let go of the insecurity. I have a job now, I am drug free and in a beautiful relationship. I walk around with my head high, expecting great things in the new day.


 But to you filling yourself with the thought of taking advantage of me, I don’t know you now but I think it would be better for you to let it stay that way for ever, because this is a new day and I might have to read this letter at your funeral.

                                         Rape Victim's Story



RELATED POST: HOW TO PREVENT RAPE

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HOW TO PREVENT RAPE

Rape is one of the social vices that we have to deal with today. It is not in any way new but lately it has been on the rise. The victims of rape being mostly teenage girls, closely followed by young adults and then children. Rape has varied reactions across different countries and the causes of rape has been constantly argued, postulated and updated. In the United States, where the recorded cases of rape are the highest, rape has been attributed to drugs, alcohol consumption, over exposure to pornography and sexually explicit materials, the act of masochism, sexual exposure and pop culture. While in a country like South Africa which also ranks high in reported cases vis a vis unreported cases, rape  or jack rolling (gang rape ) has been attributed to societal beliefs,  recreational  amusements, peer pressure, poor law enforcement and punishments for culprits and a watered down legal definition of rape in Sweden. In the Democratic Republic of Congo, it is used as a weapon of war, to psychologically damage and pique unworthiness and self loathe. Societal and religious pressures has been cited as the major case in India, where pre-marital sex is frowned upon. Whatever the case, a victim would most likely not be concerned about the cause of a potential rape but would be more concerned about how to protect one’s self from it and how to come up out of it.

Nevertheless, it is pertinent to note that they are three kinds of rapist. The anger rapist, who wants to inflict pain, cause harm and punish the victim using rape. 

The power rapist who derives a kind of self validation similar to bullies in rape, he sees the oppression and control of the victim as a kind of reassurance of dominion , strength, vigour, mastery and authority and then the sadist rapist, who has been wired mostly by pornographic materials, abuse and  other internal influences to derive sexual satisfaction from rape. 

A single person may fall into this three categories at a time, as the rapist might have overlapping interests in rape. In a single act of rape, a rapist might move from one form to the other depending on the prevailing circumstances.

Also the greatest misconception about rape is that they are perpetuated by strangers. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics in the United States, 38% of victims were raped by a friend or acquaintance, 28% by "an intimate" i.e a lover  and 7% by another relative, and 26% were committed by a stranger to the victim. About four out of ten rape incidences take place at the victim's own home.

 Now the main question is how do you prevent yourself from being a victim of a rapist.

1.       Mind Work. 

      You have to condition your mind to not be a victim. If the above write up scared the hell out of you or you live in an environment where you have been filled with the fear of rape. There is a high unstatistically proven chance that you would fall a victim. It just works like that, the things we fear are constantly in a state of strong attraction to us. You are not supposed to be in fear because of your knowledge, your knowledge is supposed to equip you , giving you a better chance of avoiding the incidence.

If I am about to be raped, my bangs
would turn into needles and i would simply whip my
hair back and forth and pierce
the rapist

2.       Setting boundaries: 

      Boundaries are to be set with the opposite sex and even same sex.  Discussions on explicit sexual topics might send the wrong signals to potential rapist. Undue flirtatiousness might also not be taken casually but might be seen as a chance to take advantage. Knowing that 40% of  rape cases are perpetuated in the victim’s home by people close to the victim, it is not advisable to be alone even in your home. A dog comes in handy here.

Good luck keeping this kind of pets, they don't even bark, they meow

3.       Awareness: 

     You have to be alert all times, don’t get distracted by technology such as iPods  or phones. Distracted people are more often more likely to be taken advantage of than people who are seemly alert, walking along with confidence. When entering your house, room , be sure to ensure that no one is trailing you, as you can easily be pushed into your own room, or house and be raped. Make eye contacts with people who you believe are breaking into your personal space or are too close for comfort.

This is not going to get you  raped , it is going to get you killed.

4.       Understand the Environment: 

      The causes of rape vary from one environment to another, same as the manner of rape. Understanding  the prevailing reasons and methods of sexual abuse would go a long way in protecting yourself in that environment. In areas where gang rape carried out by teenage boys are common , being alone or being lured by boys to meet with others should be greatly avoided, avoiding foot paths where such boys are more likely to operate would also be  advisable. The cause and method of rape is peculiar to each environment, understanding this would go a long way in protecting one self from rape.  For example there is a belief common in South Africa that sexual intercourse with a virgin will cure a man of HIV or AIDS, this automatically puts a young girl at risk in an environment where such fallacies are believed.

5.       Trusting your gut instincts: 

I must not be left alone
with this guy

      We all have an inner voice and instinct that tells us someone is lying or something is about to go wrong. Don’t ignore it, once it comes , get out of that area or space immediately until the gut instincts subsides. It is better for it to be a false alarm than for you to regret not doing anything about it.

  6.       Dressing: 

The way and manner of one’s dressing might also make one susceptible to rape more often than none. Even when you are in your own home, wearing loose ,skin exposing materials might not go down well with the sexually, uncontrollable potential rapist living in the same house with you. Going out to deliver the trash with an overly exposed Pajamas might also be asking for trouble. Overly sexual outfits are usually worn by celebrities who have guards and entourage as against a single female. Dressing goes a long way in  exposing you to rape. Another very crucial thing to note about dressing is to wear clothes that are very difficult to loosen, it is better to wear something that would not be easily taken off by an attacker.

OMG!

7.       Online hook ups:

     This has led to the death of teen girls in recent times, the growing use of social media for hooking up and meeting has also increased the danger of rape, assault and abuse. It is 10 times easier for someone you met online to take advantage, as the fear of being caught , traced or punished is greatly reduced. Keep in mind that everything you read or are told about an online personality is unverifiable.

He is neither even black, nor wears blue shirts or any shirts
at all , he has a shovel though.

8    8.       Being vigilant at parties: 

Now that is not aspirin.

     If you are the type that attend late night parties,  or any party where heavy drinking goes on, you should be sure to go with someone who would not be a fish like you or control your urges to gulp down enough alcohol to inhibit your senses and make you foolish. Alcohol is one of those things in life that is highly permissible after the attaining the age of eighteen but not beneficial. Most importantly you have to be avoid leaving your drinks unguarded as that might result in you being drugged or date raped. Drinking alcohol increases your chances of being raped. A study once revealed that in 47% of rapes, both the victim and the perpetrator had been drinking. In 17%, only the perpetrator had been. 7% of the time, only the victim had been drinking. Rapes where neither the victim nor the perpetrator had been drinking were 29% of all rapes .Once you discover that you are losing touch of reality and conscious while drinking , call someone who can help you quick or you would be gone.

9.       Fight for live:  

Okay this would only turn him on

     If you find yourself in a situation where you are about to be raped, fight for your live, bite, scream , throw things, fight back. Don’t be overpowered, it’s your life, fight for it.When  a rapist puts his hands up to you, grab the first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible till the fingers snap or the attacker falls on his knees.The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON'T DO THIS! The rapist will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS, LEAVE. If the attacker gets into the car with you and orders you to drive off, go ahead and drive into a tree or telephone pole, the rapist would surely flee after that.
                
                       
                           RELATED POST: LETTER TO MY RAPIST | GETTING OVER RAPE
\

      10.   Playing along:

A guy tried to rape me once, he didn't even make it
to court.

      If  you find yourself in a situation where you are about to be raped, it is often advised to yell and scream. That might alert people but in some cases, it is better to act like you are playing along, act helpless and mask your fear. The rapist expects you to scream and fight back and chances are that he would be prepared for that, he might even hurt you in trying to calm you down, also if he is a sadist rapist, the screams would also help in arousing him and motivating him to get what he wants. In this case playing  along would calm them down and in most cases serve as a disappointment. When they are calm , then you act. You can never go wrong with vital organs,  the balls, the reproductive organ, eyes, nose. Aim to knock out the attacker, not to defend yourself. Get out of self defense, move into the realm of attack. Don’t hit once and run, because you would be chased and if you are caught the second time, it might be fatal. Instead let the attacker run away from you, while you leave physical assault evidences on them for future identification. Anything with you can be a weapon, a pen, a blade, a shoe, if it is well used. You have to be in a right state of mind here, devoid of all fear and seize your life back.One woman once used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her, she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands ,the guy needed stitches. 

1    11.   Scouts: 

      Joining a scouts or alert group might also be helpful against rape, where you carry a whistle and other objects for defense against a rapist.

Omg! he is so hot! (blows whistle)..... sorry false alarm.

      12.   Rape Aggressive Defense:  

Don't stop till a bone snaps

     There are a lot of RAD coaching for youths out there, all you need to do is find one, if you live in a country where there is none, you can always go on YouTube and acquaint yourself of how to protect yourself from rape. Here is one.

and here is  another RAD description which can be adopted by youth groups 

    13.   Mind dribble:

   This method involves telling the rapist that you either  have a deadly disease like AIDS, have a demonic oppression transmittable by sex, that you are pregnant or are not a virgin in cases where people believe that virgins cure AIDS for example. The rapist may not believe but most times they withdraw to be on the safe side. Whatever you say, it must be believable 

1   14. Rape Axe:  

      Desperate times calls for desperate measures and so civilization has finally caught up with rapist, as a woman in South Africa, a country with one of the highest rape statistics in the world has designed a device known as a Rape Axe. This device that looks just like a condom has internal spikes that would attach to the flesh of the rapist and can only be removed surgically. Talk about remarkable evidence. It goes further to say on the site that if men can use their bodies as a weapon of attack , it is time for women to do the same. This instrument however only tackles male- female rape , but it is still a remarkable development as male-female rape is the most common.

OMG! only a woman would invent this weapon of mass destruction.

    15. Society Harnessing Equipment (SHE):

         This is yet another Technological invention by some Indian Engineering Undergraduates in India, another high risk state as far as rape is concerned  to prevent Rape. This is though in it's testing stages and critics say it has a lot of pitfalls. This equipment is like a bra worn around the breasts which has pressure sensors which would then release a jolt (3800kV) upon the application of pressure around the breasts. The wearer is however  insulated from the jolts. The design however assumes that the woman would first be groped on her breasts. The source of the Electric shock however is still unclear.

Okay, I Hope they know a shining wire should not be hanging out.

That's 82 Shocks for you ,You little Pervert!

RELATED POSTS: CALLING ALL RAPIST TO INDIA

16. Hairy Stockings.

This Chinese invention would scare the shit out of a potential rapist and immediately quench his libido, except he is a baboon. It's basically transparent stockings with thick dark black and straight Chinese hair sprouting out of it, given the potential rapist the impression that you are an ape yet to attain full evolution to the human specie. Except of course, the rapist has read this blog or seen it in the news or sells it, in that case it might be a turn on, but at least let's give the Chinese the benefit of the doubt. 

On a second thought, this could also be a fetish sex accessory.

 Read: Keep Your College Daughter Safe: Ways College Women can Prevent Sexual Assault

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YOUTH DEVELOPMENT-THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

Every youth has that strong yearning for greatness, a sense of fulfillment, success and happiness. It’s there right from day one and only grows stronger as the youth grows older. In some cases these yearnings lead the youth making bad choices like  internet fraud, smuggling, slinging drugs and fraudulent office activities. The yearnings are mostly confused with making money  and the pop culture has really done everything to encourage this wrong route down the road. The fact you need to know about youth development is that there is no yearning  that Nature(GOD) put in the human soul that there is no plan or opportunity to satisfy if the youths would just settle down and  look inwards to find the path that would lead to the fulfillment of that great yearning. The sad thing about these yearnings is that they would hurt you down and drive you crazy leading sometimes to self hate, mid life crisis, drug abuse and suicide if you don't do anything about them.

For youth development there are certain things you need to know

   1.The only thing that really matters is what you can do.

Imagine being bitten by a black mamba, with just a single bite injecting about 100mg of it’s venom into you. You have  30 minutes to live, the closest hospital  or clinic  which may or may  not have the anti-venom is  3 hours away . Then a guy comes over and  tries to help you. You automatically heave a sigh of relief, thinking that he probably knows what to do. You ask him, if he can save your life  and all he says is, I am a good person, I have the interest of other people at heart, I am kind hearted and very cheerful. You ask him but you know about snake venom don’t you?. Then he goes into another long speech, you would eventually shout him down and curse him out.

 In real life, the guy bitten by a snake is the world we live in and you are the novice trying to treat a snake bite with a good heart. The world has needs and the only thing that matters is what you can do to fulfill those needs. While some needs are obvious like food and water, some come as everyday challenges and some are even unknown by the people who have such needs. There are several bush tribes in several parts of the world who still don’t wear clothes,  they don’t know they need it until someone would get the courage to put it on them. The only way to effectively attain youth development is to do something that fulfills people’s needs.  The need for companionship, advice, entertainment, knowledge, health, Motivation , spirituality and of course the yet unknown ones.

2.    Your Job is you.

   When you are gone, dead and buried, people would not remember you for all those times you slept till noon, or all those times you complained about the economy and the bad leadership ravaging your country. People would remember you for what you have done, Only remembered by what we have done . That kind of sounds like a job .It is sad enough that the only thing that matters is what you can do but worse still is that the only thing you would be remembered for is what you have done. You can decide to cry or frown about that, but you have to get out there and start doing what you can do, you have to find it and just do it. Finding it simply requires looking inwards then going through that strenuous tortuous  process of polishing it, of developing it, making  it blossom into exactly what people need. There is a lot of stuff out there about finding yourself and not following the crowd, that is very good but you should keep in  your mind, that if you find “yourself” and “yourself” is basically useless to any one apart from “yourself” , you are a waste of matter. Your job has to contribute, it has to add, it has to include, it has create, it has to inspire someone apart from yourself, then you are on the path to youth development. You have to pay attention to the needs of people around you, then find those needs that interest you, then make a decision on what you are really going to do and how you are going to go about it, then take action. Logging off from the present situation in your head and imaging a perfect better scenario sometime in the distance future can only go so far until you begin to align your attention to the world with your interests and making a decision to proceed and taking action. That is youth development.

3.       Action is a process .

Applying yourself to get things done, is a process, it is not a day’s job. You did not become qualified for that job because you got a degree or because you know someone at the top, you  started the process of qualifying for that job by going to elementary school and after that was done, learning the things that would make you what the company wants and doing them. If you go ahead and get the job by someone at the top, you would surely be a misfit and your incompetence would come back and slap you in the face .A lot of people quit because they can’t delay gratification, they need it now, they need the results now, but unfortunately the process is the result. The process of applying yourself into creating something beneficial for others, your company, your business, your environment is the result. The continuous polishing of your skill day by day is what eventually brings about a pay off. Which in some cases may not even be in cash. The only things in life that bloom are the things that have had both conscious and unconscious investments of time, energy, cash , creativity and hard work dumped into them. In the quest for youth development you have to  put all these things into something.

4.       Change is Hard.

So is hearing the truth. Every thing in you would fight improvement, you would criticize and try to pull down people who try to inculcate the right principles into you because it is easier to believe that all you need is magic. You would tell yourself stories of people who tried and failed, you would find instances to let people know that motivators are hypocrites, you would believe that changing yourself to be useful is throwing away your true self which is a slob. It’s the way things work,  when anything moves, there is always an opposite force that tries to keep it in that position or immediately bring it back to a state of rest. In physics, it’s called friction, in life it can be friends, baseless internet critics, family, your beliefs, religion, superiors, subordinates, colleagues and the environment you find yourself but for each hurdle you have to look back inwards to find the original motivation which is yourself. You have to understand that you are eventually going to hate yourself if  your true self- the only reason why you resisted change turns out to be no good. Get up now and do something.

This Post is absolute Bullshit and youth development is even
used wrongly. Wake me up, when magic happens.

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LETTER FROM A WOMANIZER

Letter from a womanizer

Kisses don't lie.

Hello, Young lady.

I don’t have time for formalities so I would just go straight to the point. I am that good looking and charming guy you love to be with. I know exactly the right things to say and my swag is so sick. It works all the time for most girls like you. I know you are strongly attracted to me, not just because of my good looks or charisma but because of my high degree of popularity and appeal with other women and girls like you. You were love struck from day one. You know or guessed that there may be other girls and women around, your female intuition was right but you dabbled with the thought of having me only to yourself. First of all I have to clarify some things,  I am not a cheat, I am a player.

 A cheat is that guy who would tell you that you are the only one, but would keep his phone under lock and key, would tell you all his lovers are his cousins, his classmates, his relatives or his neighbors but behind you, he would be getting down with them.

RELATED POST: WHY CHEATERS CHEAT | LETTER FROM A MISTRESS

 I am a player, I have multiple sex partners and no female platonic friend and if you ever asked me, I would be straightforward and upright with you about it. Those girls  posting on my Facebook page have been in my bed at one time or the other and those nicknames are real, they are coming back soon . Monogamy is just not my thing, and you can see it all over me. Some call me a Womanizer but you have to understand that it is the female gender that is partially to blame for this. Most ladies can spot a Womanizer from a mile away but they also love the womanizer until he bites.You know sometimes I confuse you with other girls and my male friends pay you no regard even my mother calls you another name. 

All my lovers think like you, thinking of eventually  winning me over and keeping me solely for themselves.  It is amazing how they all want to engage in a futile battle like that over a womanizer like me. In your quest to win me over, you allowed yourself to be my booty call, my side piece, thinking that one day I would upgrade you. You were practically building your castles in the air, because I would never upgrade you. You are a side piece and to me that’s all you would ever be.  I would not upgrade you because there are so many like you, who have the right sex appeal and who will keep a Womanizer constantly turned on. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. There are a lot of guys like me who are faithful until the opportunity arises and when they get the opportunity they run with it.If you want me to upgrade you, I would have to first ,have respect for you and all that was thrown in the garbage when you put yourself on the same level as the other side pieces, trying to be my best sexual companion.

 There is no way you can start out as my sex play toy and end up as my wife. There is no way, I would dump a girl in your presence and use you as a show to my ex-sidepieces and then not do the same to you , when I get bored of you.  When I want to wife someone up, it would be all those other non-sexual qualities they possess that would make me think of putting a ring on her. There are three things that may make me get over this game, if someday, I find God, for who he is, and not religion, because trying to drag me into religious activities in the hope of changing me, would result into  putting  me in a new river to source for new fish. The second is maybe age, when I get older I might get tired of this whole game, put on my responsibility cap and then go out,  and search for the real non- sexual qualities that I need in a woman that I would make my wife.When I find that woman, I might then stop being  a womanizer. if she is truly rare and irreplaceable, I might keep it in my pants to ensure that I don’t lose her. You know it would be difficult though after having so many partners to now stick to one but for the right woman , I will. 

But you my dear, you would be left hanging , your calls would eventually go to voice mails, the phone number I gave you would eventually become unavailable . You would eventually go and buy all those  "he did me wrong" songs and cry-sing along with the singers. 

Here is the perfect Album to cry-sing along to. 

Then you would say all men are liars, cheats ,womanizers and irresponsible but you know fully well, that is not true, not everyone is like me but a lot want to be me. Again don’t hate the player, hate the game.

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HOME BEAUTY PRODUCTS

We spend a lot of money on beauty products,  We could save a bit of money and time on beauty products if we just stopped and looked into the refrigerator for natural beauty treatments that will bring out the best in us.

1.PEAR: Rich in vitamins and enzymes, the pear nourishes the body inside and out. The peel especially is the source of essential beatifying oils. Therefore, you can rub the peel on your skin. Just massage your face with the inside of the peel and leave on for 15 minutes. You can also rest for 20 minutes with the slices under your eyes to relieve puffiness. You can also rub mashed pear into your skin and rinse after 15 minutes.

2.BANANA: The banana is rich in potassium and a great moisturizer for your hair and skin. You can use it alone by mashing the banana and rubbing on your face, neck and hair. Your other option is to add oatmeal to the banana to make an  ex-foliating mask or honey for additional softness.If you can't afford to use the flesh, you can simply rub the peels on your face, it would have the same effect.

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3.OLIVE OIL: For cuticles and nails, you can soak in it or massage into the cuticles. Use it as a nighttime hand moisturizer under gloves. Dab it on your lips to soften and moisturize. Use it on hair to repair split ends, heal dandruff and make it shiny. Put a few drops of olive oil in the bathtub to moisturize skin. Some people prefer to add essential oils to olive oil to mask the smell.

4.EGG YOLK: Egg yolk mask can be used to replenish and tighten skin. Just beat one egg yolk and apply to skin with cotton ball. Rinse your skin after 15 minutes. 

5.HONEY: Honey is used for oily or blemished skin. Apply it straight from the bottle to your face and neck. Leave it on for 15 minutes and rinse with very warm water. Honey can also be mixed with many other natural ingredients to make and effective mask.

6.PAWPAW: Pawpaw can be used to remove dead flaky skin. The enzymes in pawpaw help to dissolve dead and damaged skin cells revealing healthy skin. Mash ½ pawpaw and apply it to the face. Rinse after 10 minutes.

7.STRAWBERRIES: Strawberries should be smashed and used as toothpaste to whiten teeth. It is also used to relieve puffy eyes and remove oil from skin.

8.BASIL LEAVES:  Basil leaves can be rubbed on the teeth for whitening. It can also be dried, ground and used as a toothpaste. Basil is also known to have medicinal properties for stomach upset.

Read Simple Homemade Natural Beauty Recipes: Skin & Hair Care Tips & Remedies Plus More...

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If i can't be beautiful, i want to be invisible.

                                 

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FASHION TIPS FOR MEN

Outfit? check! hygiene ?check! swag? check!

The first impression you are going to have on anyone is your appearance. Your appearance is one part your outfit, another part your hygiene and yet another part your charisma and aura, or more appropriately tagged your swag. That is before you open your mouth and they get either disappointed , filled with awe and respect or simply indifferent. Now let's take time to discus tips that would guarantee the first part, your outfit, here are fashion tips for men.

1.Fit is king. 

If you haven't heard this before, then hear it now. Your clothes have to be closely hugging your body without being tight or stretched. Buy the right size that enables you raise your hands without ripping, bend down without revealing your butt crack and not compressing your stomach except of course you are buying Spandex
.

Now, you know that does not apply to this guy here.

Read:  Large Man's Guide to Style: Fashion Tips for Big Men - How Heavy Guys Can Dress Sharp

2.Always match your belt with your shoes. 

This is a good rule to follow and it keeps things simple. It's best to stay with traditional colours such as black, dark brown or a rich tan. If you are going to be wearing green shoes, then you should also find a green belt to go with it.  If you wearing sneakers  that probably means you are wearing jeans in which case  a belt made of fabric is suggested. Just don't wear a belt and suspenders together, it's one or the other. Also the maximum number of colours should be three, multicolored tops or pants should be worn with plain pants or tops respectively.

You can also try this, if you want to be taken less seriously

3. Shoes are everything:

Someone obviously thinks making new shoes
 appear tired and beat down is fashionable

 Most guys don't pay much attention to their foot wear, but that is one of the most important accessory  in a men's dressing. Your shoes affect your carriage, and your carriage shows off your outfit. Black shoes always go with most outfit, so if you don't have money to stock your closet with shoes, go for black.

4.Matching Ties ,Shirts and Trousers: 

The rule is not to wear stripped shirts on stripped trousers, one of them should be plain and wear ties that complement the shirt not contrast it, contrasting ties are out of fashion, belt length are still the best for ties so far and make sure your shirts and trousers are somewhat fitted, not tight or body hugging, the better the fit the better you look. Sagging trousers is a hip-hop crazed fashion trend that has “COME” to “STAY” “GO”, flying out your underwear is the best way of telling people you are not in the right frame of Mind. Colours should be limited to three at most and multi coloured materials should be worn on black trousers. 

It starts like this

Then  to this

(then this) Someone's butt skin has obviously lost the sense of
feel

5. Don't be a sucker for brand names or wear clothes with big logos: 

Except the company is paying you to be a mobile billboard then you can prance with pride. Find what looks good , not what is in vogue or what a new celebrity has put out.

6.Beards:

 Beards should be short and well trimmed, most young guys who have just started growing beards flaunt such weak facial hair and leave it to grow out of proportion, it should be noted that those weak new facial hairs don’t make you look older or matured they unfortunately do the opposite. Use shaving powder or shaving scissors if you develop bumps often. Worst of all , is tangled chest hair, if you are going to be wearing a low cut shirt, then get rid of the curly tangled chest hair.

This was very cool in the 70's

7.Deodorants/ Roll on/Anitperspirants:

What's that smell?

 This is one of the most important accessory a man should have because you sweat and shed skin more, most men buy expensive perfumes , perfumes are just complementary, roll ons and deodorants are very essential, they are anti-perspirants to help reduce sweating in the armpits, prevent armpits sweat marks on your shirts and save the nostrils of the innocent public. It is also advisable to shave off hairs in enclosed parts of the body because they retain sweat and get discoloured and smell.It is also very advisable to not wear shirts,briefs, underpants or boxers twice without washing or at least sun-drying. Remember appearance is the king of impression.

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