Signs of Infidelity

Signs of Infidelity.

Adultery and Infidelity need no introduction. Infidelity can be classified into four groups.

1. Physical Infidelity: When one partner physically engages in intimate activities with  another person  or group of people.

2. Emotional Infidelity: When one partner  becomes emotionally attached to  another outside the relationship. This is usually the most dangerous and commonest form of infidelity. A typical example of this is when a man becomes addicted to porn to the detriment of his relationship with his partner or gives more attention to  a co-worker much more than his or her partner  .

3. Cheating:   This is when one partner occasionally or constantly flaunts the rules of the relationship by engaging in meaningless sex with other people  outside the relationship. There are a lot of reasons why cheaters cheat but none of it is worth this post or worth forgiving.  Cheaters always get the short end of the stick in the wrong run except of course, they get a baby and a 2 million dollar home with pledged 18 years child support.

4. Affair:  This is the group you watch in a lifetime movie, it involves a particular person with which a  person cheats with and builds a life around. This letter from a mistress would put it in a better perspective. This kind of infidelity might even go on for years until it is eventually discovered.

Whatever group infidelity falls in, the signs of infidelity are usually the same for all groups. Here are signs you have to watch out for, if you need to know whether your partner is cheating. Just because you think your partner is cheating, doesn't mean that they are but you can always double check.

RELATED POST:  HOW TO HANDLE INFIDELITY AND ADULTERY IN MARRIAGE

1. Laptop and Phone Behavior: It’s okay if you don’t know the passwords to your partner’s laptop or phone , but it is not okay if they act weird whenever you come close to these gadgets. Illicit relationships these days are carried out using the internet and the phone as against letters in the 1940s which led to the oldest divorce ever. The text messages, phone bills , caller history to a particular person are areas where you can easily detect infidelity. Having a clean browser history after a long online experience means your partner is cheating or watching porn.

OMG! I hope i cleared my browser History or did i go incognito.

2. Changes in Clothes and Underwears: If a guy suddenly picks interest in eradicating male genital odor or begins to wear nice boxers and briefs which he normally wouldn’t do, then that may be a tell-tale sign, he is cheating. If anyone in a relationship suddenly starts paying so  much  attention to how they look, smell  etc, then there is obviously someone to impress. This is actually not an excuse to ensure your partner is a dirty cloth- heaping slob.

3. Changes in Habit and Less sex: Most people are very bad at multitasking , so there would definitely be  a change in habit when someone is cheating. Infidelity is like being ambidextrous, only a few people can do it. Loving and caring for two people at the same time in the same way can only be done by a select few, who have the brain power to see it through. Chances are your partner doesn’t and they would change in behavior towards their significant other and that includes less motivation for sex. 

He is either playing Angry Birds or Texting his Mom

4. Family History: This is the most significant sign. Anyone who has lived with or been with parents or family members who have practiced infidelity has a greater chance of doing it on their own partners. They may have hated it and vowed not to do it, but except they get to the root cause of why that family member did it and ensure that they have been able to tackle that same cause in their own lives instead of pointing accusing fingers, then they would most likely fall into that ditch.

If you eventually have enough proof that your partner is cheating, here  is how to handle a cheater.

Read:  Infidelity: How to Catch a Cheating Spouse in One Hour or Less

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How to Handle a Cheater

how to handle a cheater. 

Whether you are male or female it is heart breaking to discover that your partner has been cheating on you. There are many ways in which you can handle this depending on the situation.

If you just caught your loved one cheating and you need to confront them it is best to take some time away before doing so. This will help you keep calmer and reduce any chances of fights.  Like on the show cheaters, the  person cheated upon already knows their partner is cheating and so knows what to do or in most cases doesn’t. They keep saying the same dumb line like “ how could you do this to me?” and  filling the air with curse words which gets bleeped out and makes the show like something meant for the deaf. The worst that can happen to someone being cheated on is to find the cheater and then put up a sob story and afterwards regret you didn’t say the right things or act the right way. There is a name they call people who throw tantrums when they catch a cheater, they are called, Losers in Love. You might consider taking a walk. It is not recommended that you drive if you are in a heightened emotional state. The worst thing you can do is to just act stupidly on impulse. You should instead go and plan on how to handle the cheater, so that maybe next time, they’ll think before they cheat.

Now here is a job well done!

                  RELATED POST: WHY CHEATERS CHEAT

 When this happens one of two things will take place: either you will talk through the issue and agree to work on it but stay together or you will be unable to stay with them and you will have to leave.

 If you are married and planning to divorce your spouse, you would need substantial evidence to nail the bastard in court  and that is if you live in a developed country, so instead of just going off in a rant, plan instead.

Way to go girl!

You might considering writing a letter instead of ranting and looking pathetic and pitiful. You can even hire someone to help put your letter in perspective. You can make a breakup video and earn some money if it goes viral. In order for you both to stay you will need to consider ways to improve communication. If you can accept that this cheating was a one-time incident and it will never happen again  then you may consider staying with your partner.  But bear in mind if this is what happens it is up to you to try and forgive your partner amidst the loss of trust and pain of heartbreak—you cannot just make them pay for their single mistake for the duration of the relationship.

If you are ready to do the time, you might go find a weapon and probably put them down through the  door of a looked bathroom door .

Be open and honest in your communication. Start by asking them why the cheating took place. There are many reasons someone might cheat but knowing why can be a big step in helping you to heal. You should then consider if the reason they cheated was in part because of some issue in your relationship. This is hard but it is often the case. If you stopped having sex because you were busy with a work promotion it may have had a bigger effect on your loved one than you realized. What might have seemed like weeks may have actually been months. Perhaps communication stopped between you too or you both let your physical appearance dwindle. We hate to admit it but physical appearance does matter a bit. Your spouse or partner may still love you for you but that does not mean that letting yourself go physical will still turn them on. You  have to be careful here because cheaters can be very cunning and manipulative and might eventually find a way of blaming the whole thing on you and you would foolishly fall for the lie. Perhaps the issue is something bigger such as a pattern of bad behavior or personal depression. Whatever the reason it is important that if you talk it out with them you actually listen. You may be surprised what you hear.

RELATED POST: HOW TO HANDLE INFIDELITY AND ADULTERY IN MARRIAGE

Taking down the other person who you partner cheated with  is the dumbest thing to do. You have no business with that person and for heaven’s sake, it might have even been anybody if you are dealing with a serial cheater.

 If you need to take breaks during the conversation because of frustration then do so. It is better that you take breaks than stand around and let your anger bubble and overflow.

If you are unable to work through these issues with communication and patience then unfortunately cheating may be the end of the relationship. You will break it off and this can be just as messy as learning to deal with the issues. You should communicate that you are unable to remain with your partner and take the steps necessary to end the relationship. For some this may be as easy as walking out the door while for others it means legal paperwork and searching for a new home.

No matter which you decide it is important that you make sure to take care of yourself emotionally. Both situations are difficult to say the least. It is not the end of the world, people cheat on people everyday even as you read this, someone is cheating on someone right now , so make sure you come out of this or stay in it with your head up. If you come out of it though, you would have done the right thing, 95% of the time.

Read :How to Catch Your Cheating Spouse: Prove Infidelity without a Shadow of a Doubt

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HOW TO HANDLE INFIDELITY AND ADULTERY IN MARRIAGE

infidelity ,adultery in marriage Honey, i see you've met Cassandra
                                                  she is our new sex therapist.

The pain caused by infidelity is like the pain you get when you are stabbed by a blunt Knife. The causes of infidelity in a marriage are quite exhaustive ranging from low self esteem, neglect, pervertedness etc. While infidelity is of different forms the generally regarded act of infidelity is sex. The road to recovery is a very long and tortuous one but with determination, courage and perseverance,it can be attained.
Here are a few steps to take after you have discovered any form of infidelity in your marriage
.

1.Discovery 

When you find out that  your partner has been unfaithful, A switch that triggers potent emotions like rage, shock, depression, shame and anger would automatically be turned on. All these emotions  would take over in a matter of hours after the confirmation. You would most likely be overwhelmed with the thought of ending the marriage; then, next moment you might become desperate in saving it. At such instance, you need to calm down and  take things calmly.You have to first understand that it is not your fault. There is no excuse so great as to make anyone cheat on the vow made before God and Man. You might find yourself in a pool of questions, but answers might not come your way. 

2. Space . 

It can be an intense circumstance to discover the affair. When emotions are high, it is best that you give each other space or  timeout from each other so you can let the fire die down without hurting one another. Especially if children are involved. Children get worried easily and so you wouldn't want to trouble them with this issue. 

3.Seek Counsel. 

If you have discovered that your partner is unfaithful , you have to tell someone.This is something that you should and need not go through all by yourself. More than ever, it is at this moment when you need to confide and share your thoughts and feelings to  a trusted counselor or spiritual leader. Their nonjudgmental and objective insights will help you in clearing your head. You will be able to  get your life together , calm down and heal faster to put the affair on the right perspective. 

4.Take Time.

You should not be in a hurry to delve into sensitive details of this infidelity. You have to give  it time . Time to heal , time to weigh your options , time to make a decision, time to be okay. Discussions should be deferred until both of you can  converse positively without prejudice or judgement.

RELATED POSTS: WRONG REASONS TO GET MARRIED  | WHY CHEATERS CHEAT

5.Making Amends

Recovery from an affair is not simple. It is a process that will go on and on until the wounds have healed and  the final shards of pain has been eliminated . To help you in the process of healing, you must take the necessary steps. 

6.Taking Responsibility.

 If you were the one who cheated, you have to take the responsibility for the wrong actions you have done. Taking responsibility is understanding that you have faltered and there is no excuse, it is not about pushing or passing the blame or trying to vindicate yourself while in harms' way. You must end the  affair; stopping any interaction and communication with the third party involved. 

RELATED POST: SIGNS OF INFIDELITY

7. Honesty. 

When  you have recovered from the initial shock then you can deal with the problem at hand with a positive attitude; discuss and talk about what took place. You should be honest and open and true to yourself even if it is very difficult to talk or to listen because of the intense pain. 

8.Losing to Win.

 Saving the marriage after acts of infidelity is something that both  parties need to agree upon without compromise and set deal breakers. It is not  right or wise that you are the only one who wants the marriage to continue while your spouse actually wants  out. If things are going this way, then the marriage is good as ended. The recovery and settlement of things may take long. Nonetheless, if you share a common goal of reconciliation, you can both give your utmost commitment, energy and time to help each other heal.

READ:After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful,.

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