BEAUTY- MAKE YOUR BUTT BIGGER

To make your butt bigger, you will need

•         Glutes Exercise
•          Booty Pads
•          Butt Enhancement Creams and Pills
•          Fat Enhancing foods
•          Butt Enhancement Surgery

The beauty and importance of big butts cannot be overemphasized.  The size of your butt depends to a large extent on  two things
1. The size of your body frame 
2. Your genetic makeup. 

This gives new meaning to the words ."shake what your mama gave you".This however does not  mean people who are not genetically engineered to have bigger butts should  resort to fate and watch the benefits of bigger butts avoid them all their lives. No!. Thanks to research , anybody anywhere can make their butt bigger.  There are four particular steps you can take to make your butt bigger. 

A  big butt is really a big butt when it is rounded, firm and pear shaped and extruding from a  nicely shaped person. Being overweight would not make your butt bigger, it would in fact make it merge with the fat in other parts of the body producing a rotund figure.
A big butt would also require you to be comfortable at all times when sitting and lying, as people with bigger butts are much more susceptible to lower back pain and bad posture.

Sleeping on very comfortable mattress or comfy pillows as against the flat rock hard ones common in Asia. That said let’s go through the ways in which you can make your butt bigger.


RELATED POST:  BEAUTY-WHITEN YOUR TEETH.

1. Appearance enhancement:  

 This is the easiest way to make your butt bigger because it requires you to simply make your butt appear bigger  comparably to the rest of your body.  This can be achieved by making your waist smaller by
1. Using big waist belts 
2. Wearing gowns and heels
3.Wearing solid colors and 
4.Using a girdle for your mid section. 
5.Wearing fitted wears, boot cuts or well rounded jeans would do wonders when you look in the mirror. 

This would also be complemented by good posture (standing up straight without slouching). Other ways to make your butt bigger in appearance include

• Walking on a straight line preferably with high heels (Cat Walking) would give that big butt appearance. 
• Wearing your jeans on the lower waist to accentuate the hips and then the butts. 
•  Using Booty Pads. The best appearance enhancements of all is the booty pads that fits on the butt right underneath the pants. This is ironically being sold mostly in African countries,Brazil and  America.
• Using Jockstraps for Men .In America there are jockstraps that help to literally pull out men’s butt.                                                               

Appearance enhancements would not make your butt bigger, but would rather make it look bigger. 

You can tell that her butt is bigger with that belt just by looking at her 

This is also the same lady, you can wear booty pads and big belts too.

 

2. Gain weight:

 If you are a skinny bone, chances are  your butt would also be as flat as an ironing  board. To make your butt bigger, you need to gain weight. This is called specific weight gain, in which you gain the weight in certain parts of the body alone. It is the most difficult kind of weight gain but  if it makes your butt bigger then it is worth it.

A low fat Diet would come in handy in making your butt bigger.  Reduce intake of bad fats, Avoid high-oil sauces, dressings, and use margarine and butter sparingly, Avoid fried foods and chicken skin .

Eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables, Eat lean protein like: fish, chicken, egg whites, cottage cheese and low-fat protein shakes. 


 Rain forest herbs such as Aguaje fruit and Maca root are also known to have butt enhancing effects. These herbs mixed with moringa and shizandra with soyabean milk helps to increase estrogen levels that help bring on those body curves and make the butt bigger. This is obviously not advisable for men. 

Some women had sworn by  Fish Oil to increase the butt, because of it's omega fatty acid nutrients. Breaking a capsule and rubbing on  each butt cheek every day for 3- 6 months would make the butt plump, if you can get through the stinking smell.

Aguaje Fruit, said to work like a booty pump

Moringa , the only thing this leaf doesn't do is raise the dead.

RELATED POST: MORINGA THE MIRACLE LEAF  |   BEAUTY: HOW TO CURE PIMPLES

3. Exercises: 

 This is one of the most effective ways to get some junk in your trunk (make your butt bigger). It works the glutes and the thighs and gives the butt a lift, shaping it and making it bigger. Here are very good butt exercises for your butt.

Do this every day to make your butt bigger. It’s a combination of squats , leg presses and lunges.  Consider adding  varying weights to your exercise routine and including other exercise routines like hip thrust and butt bridges.  Engage in sports that build your butt muscles and make your butt bigger.Sport activities such as running, cycling , gymnastics, volleyball and soccer would make your butt bigger. Here is a highly recommended Butt Routine Exercise from BeFIt. This is a 30 Day routine which would have remarkable results.

Start with this

then add this

then this

4.Butt Enlargement Creams

Another way to make your butt bigger is by using butt enlargement creams. There are tons and tons in the market that actually do not work but a few add quite a noticeable junk in the trunk. Major Curves Butt Enhancement Capsules is about the best product in the market of butt enlargement creams based on the results users experienced. It contains herbs like wild Mexican yam and Mother's wort , both with very good butt enhancement properties.Some beauticians however advice combining major curves butt enhancement capsules with IsoSensuals ENHANCE | Breast Enlargement Cream which has greater fat gathering properties while major curves ensures that, the extra fat literally finds it's way to the right places. It is to be taken twice daily as a dietary supplement. You would definitely need bigger jeans with this one but it would also make you eat a lot more   without weight gain or side effects. GLUTEBOOST BUTT CREAM comes second, this product however has been controversial based on the time in which results are expected  as it is to be taken much longer before remarkable results can be seen. It requires to be taken for about a year but comes with lasting results .

  RELATED: 10 BUTT ENHANCEMENT CREAMS YOU CAN TRY 

RELATED POST: MAKE YOUR BOOBS BIGGER |FOODS THAT MAKE YOUR BUTT BIGGER

5. Butt Implants:

If you want this kind of transformation, then
skip all the four previous step.

Butt Implants are of two kinds 1. Butt Injections 2. Butt Surgery Butt Implants is the Option of Last resort. This is the go to option when diet and exercise fail or if expectations are higher than what an appearance adjustment can give.  Butt Injections are also of two kinds 1. Brazilian butt lift /Fat Injection where the doctor takes fat from other parts of the body, purifies it and then moves it to the butt. 2. Hydrogel Injection which is illegal in the United States and quite risky. Hydrogel injection Kits are sold on the internet for as low as $900  and these procedures are done extensively in Asia. PMMA and Silicone Implants are the commonest forms of butt augmentation surgery. PMMA is however  expensive. This kind of butt augmentation requires a licensed practitioner. Remember Cheap is dangerous. There are no cheap shortcuts to having a bigger butt through Surgery
 

RELATED POSTS: THE BEAUTY OF BIGGER BUTTS  | HOME BEAUTY PRODUCTS

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HOW TO GET OVER YOUR EX

 How To Get Over Your Ex

“Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a lair; but never doubt I love”

Literature is full of quotations that speak of the beauty of love and relationships. There is no doubting the fact that with love comes happiness, but as endearing as love itself is, the pain of a broken heart is  excruciating.

There is a famous saying , “bruised knees heel better than broken hearts”. Definitely, when the heart breaks,  a part of you  breaks with it. Putting together the broken pieces rather than living with a broken heart, requires strength and  courage .

 A broken relationship is a bitter pill to swallow because   in most cases  the whole relationship finally becomes clear and you are forced to see the relationship in a light different from how you have ever seen it. The warning signs would become clearer, the subliminal actions would make more sense and they would all boil down to the fact that you had been living in a fool’s castle from the get go. The betrayal would hurt, the loneliness would suck, the neglect would be even more painful with every step you take and it would be really difficult to get over your ex

 Patsy Cline wrote, “You want me to act like we’ve never kissed, you want to forget; pretend we’ve never met, and I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I haven’t yet…you walk by and I fall to pieces.”

 However, in order to get over your ex and get your life back after a broken relationship.You need to 

1.Keep yourself busy.

You can now take that course on UFOs

or live your life taking pictures for
National Geographic

If you are idle, your mind is bound to wander, the hurt in your heart will sap you of the will and energy to move on. So, take up extra courses, engage yourself in new  chores; hang around  friends you love, spend time with family members that are close to you. Take on a challenge, and finally strike out something on your bucket list. Get over your ex!. The period after a broken relationship is the best time to go out on a limb, to take up charity work, to look beyond yourself, to experience the wind blow on your face, to let the heart release the pain. In short, you shouldn't spend time alone as it is in the quietest hours that the memories of the by gone becomes unavoidable

Finally, you don't have to pretend to enjoy watching the
Lakers and just watch Keeping up with
the Kardashian instead.

2. Look on the bright side. 

After a broken relationship, you need to find something good about the break up like the fact that you dodged a bullet, that  your ex was not in love with you anyway and you can now literally  wear those high heeled shoes that you always wanted to wear  or watch that game that you always wanted and stop pretending that you like something you didn't .  Doing all the things you could not do when you were in the relationship is one of the best ways of getting over your ex.You should be glad that the relationship ended before you sunk any deeper in trouble. No more time should be spent on broken relationships other than the time it lasted. So, rather than spending your time pounding over  someone who never valued you, you should be thankful that you did not waste any more of your valuable life and emotions .
You need to have the confidence that things will work out and you will finally meet someone who would love you for who you are. It takes two people to make a relationship work. So, you should not trap yourself in the lane of hurt and pain.

RELATED POSTS: HOW TO GET OUT OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP| GETTING OVER BAD HABITS

3. Bite the Bullet:

Experts believe that the finest way of getting over your ex is to accept that you have made a mistake and look for a  new start with a fresh wave of hope. Except in rare cases where your ex has done some physical damage, it is not advisable to waste your time getting even or plotting a revenge. The pitfalls of revenge is that it really doesn't make you feel better. It gives a satisfying feeling  immediately but that feeling eventually dies out and the hurt and pain now seems to have multiplied while you went about plotting revenge. Plotting revenge or trying your best to make your ex miss you is not a sure way to get over your ex. So you can take down all those funny Facebook pictures that were immediately uploaded after the break up and all those tweets that seem to say " i am dying inside".
Oscar Wilde stated, “The heart was made to be broken”. So, do not feel like you are at the end of the world. There are a lot of people who witness troubles in the lane of love, but it is all about being strong and going on. You should not give someone the power to crush you. Wait for the right person to walk along and they  will once again make your heart throb and a beautiful relationship can blossom between the two of you. So, be hopeful for a fresh start because true love will happen, at least once in a lifetime.

Here is a guy waiting for his true love to fall
from the sky.

4. Don’t make the same mistakes:

Learn from the mistakes you made, don’t make the same mistakes, don’t over look the warning signs. In doing this however don’t make the next person pay for the last person’s mistake and don’t let the next person have to deal with your broken heart. Heal first after a broken relationship before moving on to another one.

Research has shown that it takes averagely 15-17 months to get over a breakup with someone you used to be in love with.

Further reading:How To Get Over Your Ex (Harlequin Kiss)

RELATED POSTS: GET YOUR EX BACK

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LETTER TO MY FORMER SELF

A Letter To My Former Self

In the words of Eric Cantona, “he who has regrets cannot look at himself in the mirror”. Today when I look into the mirror, I see someone else , someone that you would become ,living a life, retracing your steps. Your absurdity is quite laughable, your recklessness unimaginable, taking a decision as vital as your life career to the betting table,  altering  the course of your career, your life.

Life may not give you second chances and yet you are giving away the opportunity that  it has generously tossed at you. You are a bright student and you know it . Good grades, good co-curricular activities, active participation, the perfect high school dream.

Yet, you are following the band wagon in taking the pivotal decision of the stream you must choose, Engineering!. What is that lump in your throat, that voice in your head screaming not to take the plunge?; it’s saying you will never be happy working with java, diodes, transistors and what not. But you seem to be taking it all as a basket case,  barking the wrong tree, following the rollercoaster of  peers opting for the same. It seems friendship is the only flower that you must attend to,  engineering is the only way out and today  I stand in front of my mirror and laugh at you, I’m laughing so hard my chest hurts, you are wrong in so many ways.

In a few years, the scales would fall from your eyes when you push yourself to the brink of devastation. When you toil for four long years in engineering college.  You would suddenly know without any doubt that you were meant to be an arts’ student. The love for literature, historical romances, the characters in Shakespearian plays that once tugged to the chords of your  heart would begin to haunt you because , you turned a deaf ear to all of it as you crush your interests in the grilling engineering college chasing pavements while falling under the burden of one lecture above the other.

The years would keep rolling in their tormenting speed. Being the bright student that you are, you would manage to get good grades. You would  even land a job but even then you would loathe yourself  for taking this decision ..

Some day you would work in one of the largest  IT companies in this country and you would still be  brimming with regret. Your  first pay check, would be a slap on your face. You would think you would  feel elated and the regrets would disappear but that  day you would be blown off your trolley, your dreams and perceptions shattered; You would feel  nothing more than a twinge of remorse and  regret at living a life which you do not cherish.

Yes that  one decision of yours would deprive you  the pleasure of having your first pay check.

 It would rob you of the motivation to get up from your  bed daily, and there would be that feeling  like something in your  life is missing .

Amidst such pangs of depression, I took a leap of faith. I started writing as it helped me air my thoughts and gave words to my feelings. It did not take me long to realize that this was the field I was passionate about. I started spending more time on it, and came up with this idea of writing you.

I chose not only to write you but also to write  my future self. My future self ,devoid of the big mountain of regret. I put in a lot of work, started from the scratch and got myself listed as a  writer , an established freelance writer. blossoming everyday . I now take online classes on philosophy and pursue my dreams in literature.

My future self would look back at me and write me a letter , thanking me for the courage to begin again, to take responsibility for my own life, to rewrite my wrongs  and most of all for letting you know that the effects of your childish decisions are over, starting from today.
Further Reading:Choosing Your Career

RELATED POSTS:  LETTER TO MY MOTHER        |LETTER TO MY RAPIST.

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THE BEAUTY OF BIGGER BUTTS

Bigger butts are presently a trending beauty craze that has come to stay. Of all the   beauty trends that come and go , bigger butts is one beauty trend that is not only good and deserves to stay but is actually beneficial.
 Bigger butts for men and women has a lot of unsung benefits. 

1 Fashion Appeal: 

Apart from the fact that bigger butts for men might require using more fabrics and taking pants (trousers) length measurements from the back as against the side, it makes pants sit better on the body and look better on both men and women. Talk about the extra cushion to  accentuate the primate S shape of the body . Clothes simply fit better and that is one of the major indications of beauty

2 Confidence: 

Bigger butts increase confidence, help stability and improve the posture  of the carrier. 

3 Strength: 

Bigger butts in most cases means bigger glutes and the glutes is a very important muscle for intercourse especially for men. It can go a long way in getting a pat on the back  or a slap in the face.

4 Cushion effects: 

There is no denying the cushion effect of the  butt. Recently a woman fell down on the new York side work and her butt disintegrated the side work. She was retrieved unhurt because of the cushion effect that her butt has given her. There has been reported cases of getting shot in the butt and the butt in all it’s super hero glory would protect vital organs in the process, as the flesh works like air bags protecting against vital organs. These cushion effects have also be said to make natural  childbirth less painful. This might be the reason why natural births are still the order of the day in African countries where bigger butts abound in all fulsomeness. That and the fact that there are poor health care infrastructures. The real deal about the childbirth is with a big butt comes big hips and women with bigger hips carry pregnancies better and deliver easier.

5 Sex Appeal:

 Bigger butts can improve both a man and woman’s sex appeal, it’s one part of the body that is equally as sensitive as the breasts. The shape and beauty of a butt can go a long way in turning on or turning off. Ass clapping also becomes possible and easier with bigger butts. If you don't know what ass clapping is , you probably don't need to know."I love a woman with a nice peach shaped rear, I don't know what it is about it, But it really gets me going!" says Bryan, 32.

RELATED POST: BEAUTY-MAKE YOUR BUTT  BIGGER

6 Well being: 

Bigger butts reduces the risk of diabetes, so says a study. A little extra padding on the butt can help shield from diabetes, aside making you a better dancer and what not. The subcutaneous fat in the back side  contains anti-inflammatory enzyme that could release artery blockage. It is also effective in encouraging your body to use your natural insulin to fight off diseases and ironically, lose weight.

7 Longevity: 

Bigger butts can prolong your life. And we are not making this up . Experts have explained that the body stores fats mostly in the mid section  of the body either in front around the belly region or at the back t first before moving to the arms, the face, the chest and the entire body.It’s about being pear shaped or apple shaped or the newly added guitar shape for people that look like a guitar turned up side down. Many studies have shown that people who accumulate fat around the abdomen and stomach are more likely to die of heart disease and other causes than bottom-heavy people.  People with fat in their thighs and backsides may live longer because the fat traps harmful fatty particles and actively secretes helpful compounds,  it produces fewer inflammatory cytokines according to a report . The full report in international journal of obesity goes further to explain  figuratively that bigger butts are the understated wonder of the world.

Now you know this lady is going to outlive you, well if she
can survive the back pain.

Now, apart from beauty benefits such as  fitting in your clothes, prancing with confidence and added glutes  strength which would in turn throw your confidence to the roof, long life is also in the mix .  Bigger butts are the new iphone. Although your overall shape is partly determined by genetics and skeletal frame.

RELATED POSTS: THE CURE OF PIMPLES

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BEAUTY: THE CURE FOR PIMPLES

Pimples, every youth's nightmare. Dave  noticed his first pimple at the age of eleven, , he had being told pimples were going to show up in the near future and that it was a sign that he was attaining puberty. He was happy they were here, maybe this was the sure proof to finally let the other boys  in school believe that he was much older than they were. 10 years later, he now sees the pimples for what they really are, a plague. Applying one beauty product after another in the hope of finally getting that pre-adolescence face back ,an ultimate indication of beauty became more and more impossible with each passing day.

Rita said, “when I was fourteen, I was told I shouldn't worry, the pimples would all be gone in the next 2 years, I am 25 now, and my face is still being plagued constantly. I have bought so many off-the-counter products and they all seemed to work for the first week only to multiply the pimples when i stop the product.

Pimples is something most youth have to deal with from adolescence, way into their thirties.

How do you overcome  pimples?

Pimples is a form of acne, that occurs as an inflammation on the skin of the face, chest , neck and back. It is most often seen as a beauty flaw and it goes a long way in lowering one’s self esteem. It occurs when, inside a hair follicle, the sebaceous glands (microscopic glands most commonly found on the face and scalp and responsible for producing "Sebum", an oily substance that lubricates the skin) become enlarged and clogged with excess sebum and dead skins cells. This provides ample room for a very common bacteria (Propionibacterium acnes) to thrive in. The common response of the body  to the bacterial infection is inflammation, which gives the pimple its swollen look. Looking critically at the cause, it could be deciphered that pimples are caused by 

1.Excessive oil secretion in the skin that gets the pore clogged

2. Bacteria that finds it’s way to the skin.

To get rid of pimples , over-the-counter drugs containing benzoyl peroxide , salicyclic acid or mandelic acid would give a quick fix within 72 hours but these drugs are not capable of preventing pimples. Also some of them  eventually  leave black heads, (  dark spots) on the affected area. The ingestion of Antibiotics such as tetracyclines and erythromycin  continuously for   6 weeks is also a very common practice to get rid of pimples, this however comes with side effects such as stomach cramps, discoloration of the teeth and scaring. This should also not be used without the prescription of a dermatologist or a medical doctor.
Home remedies to cure pimple makes use of Aspirin and honey . Aspirin would reduce the redness and swelling that comes from skin irritation and honey which is a natural occurring antibiotic would help in disinfecting the pores which caused the pimples in the first place. Pounded orange peels with water and cucumber applied over the face for 15 minutes is also a very good home remedy.

Preventing pimples requires two things. Preventing the excessive secretion of oil, sebum and preventing bacteria from inhabiting on the skin. That’s all.

RELATED POSTS: THE BEAUTY OF BIGGER BUTTS | DOES MASTURBATION CAUSE PIMPLES AND ACNE?

How does excessive secretion of Oil occur?

1. Eating of Junk Food, oily Groundnuts and adulterated cooking oil: Eating of Junk food would drive the body hormones crazy, disrupting the body’s blood sugar , insulin and cholesterol levels  and cause excessive oil secretion. This is aside from the fact that some of these junk foods are made with  oils that have become adulterated  as a result of  repeated use  of the same cooking oil for a large batch of pastry. Replacing Junk food with fruits and using high quality unadulterated cooking oil in very low quantities for your cooking would go a long way in reducing the excessive secretion of Oil.

IS DAIRY CAUSING YOUR ACNE?

Start calling these foods what they really are, Pimples and Fat!

2. Inadequate Vitamins intake:  This would also make the  skin produce excessive oil  clogging the pores. Increase your vitamin intake by taking vitamin tablets and indulging in watermelons and  carrots. They contain beta carotene which would help repair the mucus and the membrane which the skin is made of in turn reducing the production of sebum.  Onions and tomatoes which contain chromium  an acne preventing element  and oysters and dark chocolate which also contains Zinc would keep the skin in good condition. 

3. Exposure to Stress:  Working for long hours  on poor diet would also among many other things cause the over secretion of the oil glands on the face.

4. Toxins present in the body: The skin is an organ of the body also responsible for waste ejection. A build up of toxins in the body would  increase secretion that would eventually lead to pore clogging.An increase in water intake to full hydration helps all of the glands in the body operate at peak efficiency. In flushing out toxins, water cleans the cells, the bloodstream, and the skin, reducing the opportunity for bacteria to survive. Rather than assaulting the skin of the face with harsh beauty  treatments including cleaners which only remove the outer layer of the skin while doing nothing below the skin surface where the whole pimple formation takes place, treat pimples with an adequate intake of water. This will assist the body in regulating the acne-causing mechanisms in the first place, and alleviate the inflammation from spots and sores.   

   

Facial Steam bathing, an ancient beauty secret done

Facial -Steam Bathing, the towel tip should be touching the bowl, except you
are taking a picture.

 for about 10 minutes a week is a very good way of getting rid of excessive oil in the hair follicles. Steam bathing should be immediately followed by cold ice water flushing. This should be done cautiously as excessive steaming might burn the skin.

In preventing bacteria , the following steps have to be taken

1. Avoid  putting your unwashed hands on the skin of your face. 

2. Wash your hair regularly and don’t use oily or sticky beauty and  hair products

3. Take your bath twice/three times a day. The timing of these baths are also very important, one should be immediately after you wake up  and the other after any strenuous activity or when you return home from the day’s activities and then when you prepare to go to sleep.

4. Wash your towels and face towels regularly, a 3 day interval  is advisable. Most of those  towels carry a lot of bacteria and once used on an oily skin would cause pimple outbreak. Avoid wiping your face with a towel, instead pat the skin dry,  wiping might actually be spreading bacteria all over the skin.

5. Use  an acne soap to wash the skin of the face, in order to rid it of dead skin cells and excess oil. Acne soaps are non- oil based beauty soaps used for cleaning the facial skin.

6. Wash your pillow cases regularly, same as your bed sheets. Anything that would be in contact with your facial skin should be washed including beauty accessories.

7. Avoid popping the pimples or white heads. Leaving them would help them ripen and heal without breakage which might leave black spots and also cause a spread in the affected areas on the face.

8. Use oil free beauty products on your face, a good moisturizer would be needed to help get rid of dead skin cells .

9. Use Sunscreen to  protect the skin from  pimple-causing environmental pollutants among other things.

10. Use a honey mask on the face and chest at least twice a week
11. Never go to sleep with any makeup on, wash your face and apply a light moisturizer at night.
12. You can use lemon slices  which acts like a natural antiseptic to clean the skin with drop of sugar added on it every night just before going to bed.
13. The use of Sea Salt mixed with warm water applied on the skin would also serve as a natural antiseptic to kill bacteria lurking on the skin.
14. The use of the B complex Group (B3, B5,B6,B12) is essential for fighting acne, as they help with healthy skin cell growth and skin moisturizer. 
15. You should also beware of using several products on your face at the same time.It never works and it leaves your skin seriously weakened and internally damaged.
16. Eating almonds, avocados, red beets, potatoes and cod liver oil would help the digestive system against constipation because the way the skin looks is directly related to how the digestive system works. These foods would help the gut bacteria and help clear the bowels.

FOODS THAT CAUSE ACNE.

17. Sleeping on a fresh clean towel every night would get rid of pimples and acne within a week or so.
18. Make a face mask with egg whites and lemon juice, leave it on for 15 minutes then rinse, do this daily.
19. Using the Advil Liquid gel on the pimples would clear your pimples within days. Puncture with pin and apply on washed face.

Whatever you do, do not buy into the deception of acne app or acne pwner,  you would not lose pimples by holding an Iphone to your face. This would most likely never happen.

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JOB OFFER:MY JOB EXPERIENCE

I have never been lucky with bosses.   I have had two bosses, the first nearly drove me to an early grave, and the other almost made me resign. Sometimes I still hear the voice of my very first boss in my head .

Getting  a job offer in Africa, Nigeria can be very laudable  where the unemployment rate is very high. Every year about fifty thousand graduates leaving  the mandatory  one year youth paramilitary service after  the university have to contend to get  the less than ten thousand corporate jobs offers  available in the labour market.So it was a great privilege to have a job to call yours and my boss knew this  fact as well. My job search success   was further facilitated by the possession of a master’s degree in Petroleum Geology and a referral. It was really exhilarating when I finally picked up this job offer as a graduate in training at this company, an  Oil and Gas servicing company in Lagos, Nigeria, a privately owned company and that seemed to be the first problem,it was privately owned. Owned,  by my boss. 

 The company rendered both consultancy and technical off shore services to the oil companies. It took me over a month after i resumed to get my job offer letter drafted and to discover that my pay was about $300 a month. My job was to prepare tenders for the services we rendered for the oil companies and I, being a fast learner, learnt fast. 

 My first day at work was met with a warm welcome by my boss , a  tall skinny, dark complexioned man in his early fifties  and he quickly introduced me to everyone, who all didn’t seem  interested in meeting me but rather  had this questioning looks that seemed to ask  “What are you doing here?” I cared less about their reaction as I was happy to finally get a job offer related to my field of study. He then told me to get to work and left into his adjoining office.   I took a seat then watched as everyone seemed not to notice me; I decided to ask a few questions that were met with sharp answers from the lady who doubled as a receptionist and office secretary. 

RELATED POST: JOB OFFER:QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Half an hour later,

 my boss stepped out of his office and looked at me and said the oddest words ever with a firm loud voice, "get to work: be a tool not a fool, that’s how we work here’’.  I had not been giving any assignment and I was actually trying to get someone to tell me what next to do. I then asked the secretary what he meant by that, then she smiled, welcome to the company, sit with someone in the other office and look into a monitor.  

My co-workers only smiled that day when their cheques were handed to them, I had resumed at the middle of a month and I could only help but wonder what month they were being paid for as salaries were to be paid on montly basis based on what was on the job offer leter. The comments they made were stunning and quite confusing but most of all, I was glad to have a job. Those were early signs I was blinded to. Signs that should have made me turn down the oral job offer in the very first instance.

Working conditions, especially staffing were abysmal, resources and equipments were not readily available and working in the most populated, traffic plagued city in Africa was also a minus. But all that were just a piece of cake compared to the real issue, my boss.

He was the owner of the company and seemed to have broken even on the business and was now diverting money into other businesses, leaving the office with little running cost. His extreme cost-cutting measure made all the seven staff double as something in a company getting jobs worth between $250,000 and $1,000,000:00 .The office was being run by the settlements of the oil companies we were rendering services to and so our salaries came from a  minute fraction of the company’s settlement, when the company was settled. Each Month's salary seemed to be tied to some settlements which due to client's  company   and bank protocols never seemed to fall at the time when our salaries were due. This was obviously never stated in the Job offer letter.  Worst of all, my boss had the slave- master mentality, asking for out -of -job favours which turned out to be instructions such as picking his kids from school, booking his wife with the spa , buying him lunch which were stylishly wrapped in submitting proposal and tenders on behalf of the company while still working as a  coporate pimp, arranging call-girls for him on  Friday nights which I soon later discovered was a big  part of  my  job description and then he was extremely difficult to satisfy, he would scream and yell at any slightest opportunity and then start a war .  “My office Air conditioner  is not working”, “you didn’t pick my kids from school”,” my office is too rowdy”,” your tenders are too sloppy”, “you are a jerk”, “don’t  act like a fool  be a tool “,”do you think this is how I ran the business for years till I broke even”?

‘’You are not working for the progress of the company”,” you are an enemy of the company”,” I’ll throw you back to the streets before you ruin my business “and he then threatens to hit an employee.

The real job was staying in that job and keeping a happy face and living on your stipend like this was the last because the date of the next one was not ascertained. But I did, I always made sure I had something to smile about and my smile was pretty soon contagious and the atmosphere at work changed. Sometimes people talk about suing the boss for delaying salaries but where would  the money to hire a lawyer  come from ?, plus employment laws were as lax as they get in that environmnet ,more so,  you always had the option of quitting.

My resolution was to leave the troubles of work at work,  learn something each day  while trying as much as possible to get out of the line of fire with the  boss. I also made every day a job search day , hoping to get a new job offer and after nine months on the job and two months unpaid salaries I  left  the job for another   where my knowledge of the oil and gas business and proposal writing gave me an edge.My resignation letter was in a text message. ”I’m out sir, thank you so much for everything”.

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He was furious and told me about protocol. I also refered him to the Job offer letter that stated we were to be paid monthly not bi-monthly.

He taught me how not to ever expect the word “thank you” or” well done” and I made sure,  i would be missed because I was the only one who offered him a hand of friendship irrespective of his many flaws and overworked myself to please him sleeping in the office in a non paying job to prepare papers to be submitted the next day and yes he confessed it and offered me a raise if I came back but of course it was too late. 

In an environment like that,  where the jobs are scarce I am sure that getting people would not be a problem for him but it would be difficult to  find the ones that would put up with all his shenenigans .

The only thing my present boss does is come to work, take lunch breaks and go back home. I handle everything. He always says, “I know you know what to do” and yes he is right, I know what to do, apply for his position which I just did.

More stories in Job One: Experiences of New Professionals in Student Affairs (American College Personnel Association Series)

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